Gransnet forums


to think acknowledging gifts is only polite?

(51 Posts)
BoadiceaJones Sun 25-Dec-16 23:06:54

I have sent parcels to children/grandchildren, who live 100s of miles away, and have to assume that they arrived. No-one has acknowledged receipt (they should have come 10 days ago-I allowed plenty of time), nor have I had a thank-you. I brought them up to thank people IMMEDIATELY for gifts or favours. In fact, I haven't heard from my family at all over Christmas. A bit gutted.

mumofmadboys Sun 25-Dec-16 23:13:12

I agree with you Bodicea. I am sorry your family haven't phoned you. Perhaps you could phone them tomorrow but try and let it go or you will brood over it. xx

Anniebach Sun 25-Dec-16 23:25:52

Perhaps they waited untill they opened them , but acknowledgement that they had arrived would be expected

absent Mon 26-Dec-16 04:18:19

Of course acknowledgement that your parcels had arrived and thank-yous should happen. When I still lived in the UK, all my grandchildren talked on the phone, sang Christmas carols, told me they loved me and said their thank-yous. It was a huge joy!

mumofmadboys Mon 26-Dec-16 06:02:52

That's great for you absent but not sure how helpful your comments are to OP.

Christinefrance Mon 26-Dec-16 09:26:31

Yes mumofmadboys I thought the same thing about the previous post. Do ring them Boadicea otherwise things will escalate, just being thoughtless is very hurtful, our children often take us for granted it seems.

Anya Mon 26-Dec-16 09:58:12

How disappointing BJones tchsad

Perhaps a call this week to 'check if everything arrived safely'

sunseeker Mon 26-Dec-16 09:58:22

I think it is just a different time now. We were brought up to write thank you letters on Boxing Day, I don't think young people do that any more. (although I think the parents could have confirmed the parcels had arrived safely).

Humbertbear Mon 26-Dec-16 10:09:10

I think thank you notes are de riguer. Even if it is a photocopied photograph signed by a little one or a drawing. Our five year old grand daughter had a lot to sign for school friends so she sent us a video.
Thank you letters don't need to be a chore but presents should always be acknowledged.

Neversaydie Mon 26-Dec-16 10:12:54

But a quick email doesn't take long I dont agree its generational
I recently sent a birth congratulations card to a university friend of DD 1 whom I have met several times (she's also very supportive to DD)Had a really sweet, short email thanking me .And she's in the throes of a 9 day old baby
Did an online present off a wedding list in late Sept. Still haven't had a thank you from bride and groom .No idea if they got it .Do I ask her mother ?

Legs55 Mon 26-Dec-16 10:17:36

I left my DD's yesterday with a little Thank You card from my DGS for my neighbour who gave him a card & money towards a treat, card bought from M & S so DD filled in name & he wrote thank for my Christmas present in right place & his name, not totally hand written as we did but at least even at 6 years old he knows to say Thank You to those he doesn't see when he opens his presents. Great Granny got a phone call but she already knew parcel had arrived safely & she will get a Thank You card as well

Neversaydie Mon 26-Dec-16 10:18:06

I would find an email or text perfectly acceptable. Though my children were brought up to write proper thank you letters and still do .I don't buy people presents to be thanked but I do find it rude when people don't at least acknowledge receipt
A friend of mine sent both my DDs 'new house' vouchers recently and seemed very surprised (and pleased)to have received a letter thanking her and telling her what they bought

norose4 Mon 26-Dec-16 10:18:33

You have my every sympathy BoadiceaJones, like you I fret endlessly if I don't know if items have arrived or if everyone is ok, I think it is just peace of mind that we want, the choice is to give a quick call to check its arrived for your own sanity and to know they are all ok.In the end that seems to work better for me because else I spend pointless hours worrying so may be that would be better for you, in my book we shouldn't have to do that but our kids seem to be blissfully unaware of how we worry !

Neversaydie Mon 26-Dec-16 10:19:24

And both my DDs have 'complained'recently about not having thanks yous for wedding presents from friends

Worthingpatchworker Mon 26-Dec-16 10:20:29

I have found the thing which causes us a great deal of anguish, grief and upset is the fact we have expectations of others. For example....when I passed an exam I would expect my mother to be thrilled...instead the news created no major response. There are a number of other examples I could cite but.....instead....I journey through events with little or no expectations...... Now I don't get disappointed, instead it is wonderful when I do get a great reaction.
So....don't let your expectations take your fun away. Instead....surround yourself with people who rise to your expectations.

Skweek1 Mon 26-Dec-16 10:26:33

As a child the Boxing Day ritual was writing thank-you letters. I hated doing it, but I did appreciate the gifts, so thanking people was par for the course. I think it's somewhat unfortunate that this courtesy has gone - a phone call or e-mail is the most people can manage.

grandMattie Mon 26-Dec-16 10:53:58

What a cause of trouble these "thank you " letters are.

I do think that acknowledgement of parcels is a must - these days that passes for thanks - e-mail,text, phone call would all go down well,but... one has to say that "things are different now" and let it pass, otherwise it gnaws at you and is very spiritually corrosive.

I was bought up in both French/English etiquette and don't remember ever writing thank you notes. This was why my Granny who lived in Europe [we didn't] never sent us presents again. She told me proudly when I was about 25 that since we hadn't thanked her that time she wasn't going to bother with us again! Horrible old woman. sad

But it made me realise that older people e xpect them, and I used to sit down my my own offspring and make them write to all those people they hadn't thanked in person. And absolutely not lists of wonderful stuff that they had received, like we got from DH's nephews. I loathed that!

Maidmarion Mon 26-Dec-16 11:29:43

I had a sad Chrisrmas Day... my daughter and family live in the USA. My daughter has 'fallen out' with me, so instead of the usual FaceTime first thing in the morning their time, so that I can 'see' the children opening their gifts ... nothing!! I waited all day hoping they'd call and eventually plucked up courage and facetimed them, almost midnight my time. My daughter let my small grand daughter speak and I could see my teenaged grand daughter in the background, I called out 'Hello' to her .. She said 'hi' back then moved out of sight. Not one word of thanks, or even a mention, for the gifts I'd sent (and I know they arrived) nor even a chat! I'd 'handmade' gifts for my daughter ... Not a word about them either, let alone thanks! So..... I don't expect my grandchildren to acknowledge, when my 45 year old daughter can't even be bothered so she's not setting a very good example. (Except, I DO expect it....!!) I am in such distress that our relationship is dwindling as the years go by, and I fear my grand daughter (who used to get on with me extremely well) is being 'led' by her mum's poor opinion of me. (I'm actually not a bad person and have lots of friends who like me!!!!!). One of our big 'fallouts' last year was over their inability to just give a quick 'thank you' by whatever means, for things I send over (and at great expense I hasten to add!). And yes...... It will stop now!!!! Sorry to moan, but am at my wits' end and exceedingly sad. Makes it worse at this 'family time' of year. Apologies again........

f77ms Mon 26-Dec-16 11:43:59

maidmarion that's rally sad . Just sending flowers xx

Auntieflo Mon 26-Dec-16 11:47:06

I do sympathise with all those who would just like a simple 'thank you', but don't get one. Our DD and DS2 are fine, but DS1 family have fallen by the wayside. Since they stopped responding, I stopped the presents. We still communicate, occasionally, and are seeing him on New Years Day. As all his children are in their 20's, it probably doesn't bother them, but I find it a bit sad. They used to phone with thanks, but it tailed off gradually. I don't know what the answer is, but at least lines of communication are still open. Happy New Year to all.

mumofmadboys Mon 26-Dec-16 11:51:10

Don't apologise maidmarion. We would feel the same I'm sure. Well done to you for contacting them Keep making the effort at regular intervals to keep the communication open. Hopefully things will improve. Try not to brood over it now. Try and plan something nice to do. Don't let them drag you down! xx

Pigglywiggly Mon 26-Dec-16 12:03:47

I agree a quick phone call to say the parcel arrived would have been helpful, and maybe a call when the parcels were opened, but the awfulness of thank you letters, which had to be written on Boxing Day hangs over me still. My mother will still ring me to ask why one of my children or grandchildren hasn't sent a letter in the hope that I will take them to task. My children are 41, 40 and 22 and I don't think I should be held responsible any more!
I can see why the OP would be worried that the parcel hadn't arrived though.

suelowe Mon 26-Dec-16 13:09:03

My son and family live in Holland , so not sure if I should " blame " them or just the Dutch style for infrequent phone / facetime.
What is sad is that grans don't seem to adapt to the way things are : be proactive . Don't wait for them to contact you . Within reason YOU be the one who " makes the running " . I started to do that , and am much happier as a result . After all , it's the grans fretting , not their busy families ..... Hope you'll forgive the lecture.

majorcagirl Mon 26-Dec-16 13:31:01

My thank you for a birthday present was an entry on facebook. Quick phone call would have been appreciated more.

VIOLETTE Mon 26-Dec-16 13:53:01

No presents so no need for thank you notes !! however, when DD was small and had her first word processor (no computers then !) she thought it was a fun idea to make and print out thank you letters with blanks to be filled in ..i.e. name and present ! .....nowadays with proper computers, e mail, i phones etc etc surely a simple quick message to say thanks is not too much to ask ? you, my DD has not spoken to me now for ten years ..would be nice to have found out for Christmas if she is healthy and happy (she is now 36) ...but hey ho ! have to get on with life !