To feel unappreciated and a bit miffed.

Cannot bear stinginess in others! Many years we once took my sil on holiday abroad with us.We paid for her holiday, all her trips, meals and excursions. Yet, when my little ds, during the holiday once asked her if she would buy him a packet of crisps, she refused and gave him a telling-off for asking. I've never been on holiday with her since! Unfortunately in life there are people who take but rarely give.

I would be miffed to some people have such thick skin. Live and learn even at this age

DD1's mother in law is dreadful for taking advantage. She lives in the same village as us and always asks for a lift to joint events. Once we met DD, DSiL and the children at the theatre for a pantomime (paid for by DD). We drove, paid for the parking and went for a coffee as we were early. dh bought 3 coffees and she gave him a £1. He was so stunned he took it!!

On another occasion we went to help DD at a birthday party, with me driving as usual, and she demanded to be taken home as soon as the party finished as she was going out!! She complains about the car if I drive DH'S and tells me I am going the wrong way if I don't use her route!! She is fairly strapped for cash so we'd be happy to cut her some slack but she takes the mickey!

Phew - got that off my chest!!

Mmmmmm....a bit sad but don't let it affect your generous spirit by reciprocating. Maybe a small learning curve in not asking them for any favours involving finance? You sound like worthy friends. Well done.

Many years ago, there was a particular programme on TV which I really wanted to see - it was a documentary, set near to where I lived. I was to be out that evening so I set the video to record it. I really enjoyed watching it later in the week and was amused to see several scenes shot in our local market featuring the lady who ran the flower stall - a real character. Next time I was in the market I mentioned her new-found stardom to her and she went mad - she'd not seen the programme, nor had any of her family and they were furious to have missed it. 'Aha' said I. 'I have it on video!' She was all over me - raining blessings on my head if only I'd lend her it for a day or two.i said that unfortunately I couldn't give her the tape as DH had recorded something, apparently of huge importance to him, on it , but that she could certainly borrow it for a week or so.Deep joy. So I took it down to her the next day and said I'd collect in a week. In a week, I went back, but, oh dear, she'd lent it to her brother. Could I come back tomorrow? Yes I could, the the same story the next day. In all I went back 5 times before I actually got it - and it wasn't round the corner. And as I was finally leaving, I said, 'Oh, I'll have a bunch of daffodils while I'm here.'
'That'll be 50p love.'
!!!!!

A friend of mine who is widowed and certainly not short of money was invited to spend a week with a couple who live on the south coast. They entertained her for a week took her out every day and gave her a good time. She did say she paid for coffee every morning. On the last evening she said she would take them out for a meal. she said they went to the friends favourite Italian restaurant and complained that the meal cost £150. I think adding up the cost of a week's hospitality she got the best part of the deal, but if she really felt hard done by I wouldn't have broadcast it to my friends, I would have kept it to myself.

Seems a bit mean to ask for the money after all you did for his wife ! Maybe you should have told him how much petrol and hospital parking you paid ...you could mention it light heartedly and see what reaction you get ! I have found people will take advantage if you let them ...my DH had work friends from years ago who decided they would now have 'our home in France' ...aka as our house ! Since it was quite large they had their own en suite ,,,,but because 'we can't unload the car as we are on our way to Spain to our yacht'...guess what ? they wanted to go sightseeing so we had to use ours ...then pay for coffees and lunches ..they did once say Oh we will take you out before we go !,,,however there was always an excuse for them not to pay ! to crown it all when they left early in the morning 'we won't disturb you ..we will get out own breakfast (our food of course ..I even had to go shopping especially as 'oh, my husband can't eat that '..or on one occasion 'yes a jacket potato would be lovely ...do you mind if I come and watch you as 'my husband can't eat that butter'...or this cream, or that milk ......when they arrived she pushed all my food to the back of the second fridge we had in the sous sol and put hers in ! They invited themselves again on their way back to the UK ! happy I was not ! Then happily we moved to a small bungalow so when they invited themselves the next time I just sent them a brochure of local gites and B and B's ...wonder why we never heard from them again ?!!!

I use Boots UK online for anything I cannot get here ....and you get a Boots discount card !! Clothes that I buy from the UK websites I seldom have to return, except sadly those from M & S that were terrible quality and not what they used to be ! Bon Marche UK suits me ..its cheap and the clothes fit my lifestyle, for which I never need expensive stuff ! In the Autumn I ordered a red spotted mac (think ladybird !) but they sent a purple jacket by mistake ..when I rang them to say I would send it back as it was the wrong item unbelievably they said keep it, or give it away ,,and then sent the right item free of charge ! and I gave it to a local charity collector ..will definitely use them again !

Lesson learned for you ...next time just tell the husband you cannot afford to do all these things any longer .....sadly . If you will want to help the wife with her appointments, etc then that is up to you ...but I would learn a lesson and never ask him to do anything again and likewise never buy anything for him ! People can be very thoughtless either deliberately or without realising ! Have you mentioned how you feel to him ? Next time if there is one, you could say when he says Oh that'll be 20 ..say ok I will deduct it from my petrol bill !

It's not only friends and neighbours who can be mean.

Just had my son staying with us for a whole week during Xmas break.
His house sale had been delayed and he needed somewhere to crash so to speak.
Also, he has a very bad cold and was constantly sneezing.

I fed him three meals a day, and practically nursed him. Also treated him to lunch on Xmas day at a posh restaurant.
Last night here we ordered an Indian takeaway as I was fast running out of supplies.

Did he offer to put his hand in his pocket. Did he heck.

DD is not much better. She quite often asks me to buy her things when I go into town, but trying to get the money out of her is like trying to get blood out of a stone.

They just seem to take it for granted,.

Fed up feeling a bit miffed about it though.

Some people are just incredibly tight - perhaps they can't help it, however your friend was not being thoughtful given the efforts you had made.

When my Dear Dad died, there was a lot of good quality and practically new household stuff to rehome - new vacuum cleaner, iron, TV, china, you name it. I offered the things to my in laws who eagerly snapped up virtually everything. I asked fil to deliver some items that they hadn't needed/wanted to a charity shop that he in fact passed on his way to work and he asked me for £2.00 for petrol when he got back - and asked again the day after. I handed it over silently and he must have reflected on it as he went a bit pink and said something about'I suppose that is being greedy' - I couldn't bring myself to answer him, but we had willingly given them about two thousand pounds worth of really nice things.

Thatbags - Miffedness!!! Love it!

Agree with Bags: possible autistic spectrum! Nothing you can do but accept it if it's just an acquaintance. Anyway, you helped the chap's wife, and that's the important bit. A 'friend' of my Dad won a large sum on the football pools. He said it wouldn't change his life one bit. He wasn't kidding; he was already a very comfortably-off accountant but he still cadged pints of beer at the pub and spent holidays in a battered caravan. His poor wife said he held her to account for every penny. Definitely ASD - the triad of impairments: difficulties with socialisation, communication (particularly social communication) and restricted imagination.

Some of these posts made me laugh out loud. I'm going to relate my story now: we were invited to a friend's for lunch on her birthday, the idea being that everyone brought something to save the birthday girl too much effort. She asked me if I would make boeuf bourguignon for 14!! I said I would, but privately thought that whilst saving her effort I would be spending quite an amount to on beef - and red wine -but hey - a birthday's a birthday. I spent the evening before making a vast casserole (on the basis that it would taste fab when re-heated). We ate the starter (donated by someone else) then came mine. Everyone had a first helping (I had made sure there would be enough for seconds) we had barely finished our first helping when we were gobsmacked to see our hostess ladling the remaining boeuf bourguignon into individual freezer boxes which she then put into her freezer! No one was even asked if they would like more! At the end of the "party" I was given my casserole dish back and it hadn't even been rinsed. My husband and I screamed with laughter all the way home, especially as another of the guests said she had been looking forward to a second helping. There's nowt so queer as folk!
Happy New Year everyone.

I had a similar thing with a friend. The daughter sent me an instruction email of what was needed for her mother after daughter had gone back home. Not even a please or thank you in the email. The daughter even phoned me one morning at 8.40 saying mother wants you to look at the central heating timer as she cant get the heating on. Thank goodness friend now ok as I think I would have been at daughters beck and call for ever.

The most important thing Christine is that you and your husband helped your friends wife with kind hearts and good intentions. I'm sure the lady who is poorly appreciated your support and that is all that matters. Your friend doesn't sound as though he has much of a conscience asking for money and I understand this is hurtful but don't let it detract from your lovely acts of kindness.

Loathe that type of petty meanness. Think is indicative of people's spirit.

As my dear OH frequently says " No good deed goes unpunished"!

I have asked many times and still no-one has told me what that means.

I would have been miffed too, Christine.But there are plenty of people like this man when it comes to money. Often they expect others to be the same, and if they're not, tread all over them (as someone else said.)
One of our (english) neighbours was like this with my friend and her husband. He's left now TG. They're a very kindhearted couple, not well off, while he reckoned he had millions stashed away. He really took advantage of them, still does, from a distance. I say to her why do you do it? She sort of admires him because he's rich - I'm not so sure he is now though.
I think that's one of the reasons Donald Trump has such a big following.

why would you admire someone because they have money ? And why would you do things for others and then complain about it? The man may have been strapped for cash and needed it,you never know other peoples circumstances.Over the years we've had many people stay for a week or two ,we've fed them and entertained them and paid for entrance fees for "sights" etc,it was our pleasure to do so.We'll likely never see any of them again ,some were exchange students,some people who were friends of friends from abroad .one cousin I hadnt seen for over 50 years since he was a baby and a parade of others who just needed a place to lay their heads for a few days on their travels .Be generous with what you have ,you cant take it with you and if you cant afford to be generous then dont do it in the firsst place

My fil is always taking advantage when we go down to visit. It costs us nearly £80 for train fares. involves a 12 hour day and we always go out for lunch. He doesn't even buy us a soft drink and always chooses an expensive restaurant which we end up paying for. Just recently our son visited him the day after us and fil was laughing about us having had to pay the bill and saying it was quite expensive. Dil was horrified.

He pulled his best stunt in a coffee shop one day where he arrived at the till first-he got his loyalty card stamped and walked off leaving DH to settle up. Oh and he's far from living on the poverty line....I wonder why

Good job there is someone out there on the high moral ground paddyann.

I think one should be obliged always to offer to pay if that person has put out cash, but there are difficult exceptions. Last year one of our cows had great difficulty in giving birth whilst we were away, and the neighbours all came along to help. The cow and calf were fine, but I was at a loss what to do. Offer money? One was a casual worker for us so that was no bother as he billed us. In the end I bought a large number of boxes of special fudge and distributed them around. But no one came back and thanked me! Perhaps I did the wrong thing? What do other grans think?