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To feel unappreciated and a bit miffed.

(47 Posts)
Christinefrance Fri 30-Dec-16 13:23:30

Recently the wife of a friend developed a serious illness. We helped out by visiting her in hospital when he was away and keeping an eye on things. When she returned home my husband cooked several meals so they could freeze them and use when required. We didn't want or expect payment. However the friend brought some tablets back from the UK for me and said that will be 20 euros . He followed this up with an email reminding me of the cost. Some days later my husband met him and paid the money. The friend told us he had left himself a note on his desk reminding him we owed the money.
It's not about the money just feel a bit hurt.

kittylester Fri 30-Dec-16 13:25:46

I think you are right to be hurt Christine.

rosesarered Fri 30-Dec-16 13:27:58

Ok so you owe the money, but it's a bit crass of this man isn't it, after all you have been doing for his wife.We live and learn.

thatbags Fri 30-Dec-16 13:29:18

I expect the wife appreciated your efforts. Some people are just a bit thick socially. flowers

Is she better, btw?

thatbags Fri 30-Dec-16 13:30:31

PS and the 'thickness' isn't always their fault. Just saying. #autismaware

ninathenana Fri 30-Dec-16 13:33:30

Certainly seems ungreatful. I wouldn't have had the cheek to ask. Let alone remind you.

I feel the same about D and her SO who are sleeping in the larger bedroom and have full use of S's large TV, Sky and xbox whilst he is relagated to the box room. They had the cheek to ask him to pay for his share of the takeaway they bought last night. (H and I were out)

Antonia Fri 30-Dec-16 13:50:10

No, not unreasonable at all to feel miffed. Some people are like that with money though. My DD was invited last year to a friend's second home in France. When she got home the 'friend' sent her a bill for DD's share of the holiday, even down to the cost of petrol used in various trips.

thatbags Fri 30-Dec-16 14:02:36

I think sharing expenses like that is not unreasonable. What's unreasonable is not telling people in advance that they'll be expected to pay a proportion.

I think if you ask someone to buy something for you, you should expect to pay regardless of other things happening in your relationship with them.

thatbags Fri 30-Dec-16 14:04:05

Though with the example given, I think I'd feel a bit miffed as well. One of those just lap it up and say nowt moments life throws at one now and again.

thatbags Fri 30-Dec-16 14:04:36

Gransnet's useful for letting the miffedness out.

Christinefrance Fri 30-Dec-16 14:48:18

Yes just letting off steam, I can't really say anything in our circle of friends as everyone knows everyone else.

Christinefrance Fri 30-Dec-16 14:50:55

Sorry thatbags forgot to say, the wife is improving but still far from well.

vampirequeen Fri 30-Dec-16 16:45:37

Good idea to vent here.

KatyK Fri 30-Dec-16 16:52:48

I sometimes wonder about people! One of our neighbours had a stroke a couple of years ago. He wasn't too badly affected and was home in a couple of days. This couple have a large family who live nearby but, having been told not to drive (his wife doesn't drive), he had trouble some days getting to appointments as he said his children/grandchildren were working. We were chatting to them one day (my DH was being treated for cancer at the time so we knew only too well how difficult things were)and my DH told them if ever they needed a lift to and from appointments he would be only to happy to take them. He did this several times, taking and collecting them. A couple of months later this chap's wife told us that they were arranging a 70th birthday party for him. Were we invited? Were we heck. I was annoyed. Petty I know but I was.

Charleygirl Fri 30-Dec-16 16:57:10

I know that I would not actually do it but I would have felt like costing the meals and producing the bill. Some people are so mean.

mumofmadboys Fri 30-Dec-16 17:04:29

Just let it go. Good to vent on here. Wonder if wife knows. It actually must be awful going through life being either mean or lacking social awareness.

stillaliveandkicking Fri 30-Dec-16 18:50:02

Of course it's not on and really mean but some people just don't get it and he's obviously one of these.

Just think that you did these kindnesses for her and not her socially inept husband.

tiggypiro Fri 30-Dec-16 19:04:59

I once offered to share petrol costs and was charged 22p a mile. There were 3 of us in the car (me + driver and his wife) and I was so shocked I paid up. Since then I have given the wife many lifts but has she ever offered petrol help .........!

Lillie Fri 30-Dec-16 19:40:34

I think I would feel a bit miffed too considering your kindness.
Could it be that the friend brought back lots of different things for different people and just priced them up accordingly?

Deedaa Fri 30-Dec-16 22:18:20

Two friends of ours moved to the South of France years ago. One summer we were visiting them and the wife asked me to get her a pair of jeans from M&S. It wasn't a problem because I worked there and she gave me all the numbers off the label. I duly bought the jeans (had to order them, they were out of stock) packed them up and sent them off to France. A few weeks later she had split from her husband and gone off with someone else. No word of thanks - I don't even know if they arrived - and definitely no money. Still it showed me which one to side with in the divorce!

Eloethan Fri 30-Dec-16 22:51:07

If I'd asked someone to bring me something, I would offer to pay for it. However, in the circumstances described, I would imagine reasonable people would refuse to take the money, at the same time expressing gratitude for the support given to them.

Some of the other stories on here show just how mean and hurtful some people can be.

radicalnan Sat 31-Dec-16 09:39:15

Maybe he needed the money? Who knows?

Your care of his wife is its own reward.

I would feel miffed too of course but some people manage their money by writing down every penny they spend and keeping track of things ....and maybe that is important to them.......we will never know.

Thanks though for helping them out at a bad time........kindness is so generous. Happy New Year.

ruraldweller Sat 31-Dec-16 10:28:37

If he's done this for you in the past and you've paid him on those occasions, this may be him coping with worry about his wife by doing things 'as normal'. It doesn't help with your feeling hurt but often we cling to past habits under stress.

Lilyflower Sat 31-Dec-16 10:54:39

Never expect any thanks from men. In fact, don't waste your time doing enything for a man unless it is a proper contract with salary/payment written into the terms. These are my thoughts after 60 years of observation of how men operate in both the domestic and the public spheres. If they have to pay you they will be respectful and if they don't they'll wipe their feet on you.

Write off the twenty quid as a good fee for a good lesson learnt.

tigger Sat 31-Dec-16 10:59:10

Friends/neighbours never cease to amaze me with their lack of gratitude, insensitivity and mean attitude. Sometimes this is a case of when doing someone a good turn it comes back and bites you on the bum!