Gransnet forums

AIBU

One Long Moan

(58 Posts)
Granny23 Sat 07-Jan-17 22:12:08

AIBU? or am I justified in feeling totally, utterly, absolutely fed up? I have had the never ending cold since the middle of December with family and friends remarking that my cough sounds awful and I am the colour of a sheet of paper. This has not stopped them asking for lifts, school pick-ups, attendance at school concerts and extra shifts in the Christmas shop (to cover for people who were unwell or attending school concerts etc.)

As usual I bought, wrapped the Christmas presents, put up the decorations and shopped for and hosted Brunch for 8 on Christmas morning and 9 on Boxing day + a buffet for 7 on Hogmanay. There was consternation when I announced that I did not feel up to cooking New Year Dinner for 9 of us (including 2 veggies) and requiring the big dinner service currently lodged on the top of a big cupboard. I suggested that we might go out to a restaurant/hotel which the DDs booked. There we had a mediocre meal at enormous expense (I paid). Everyone remarked that it was not nearly as good as my usual homecooked dinner - I think that was meant to compliment me but it only served to make me feel a failure.

Since New Year, I have changed all the bedding again (we had o'night guests) taken down the decorations and seeing that the windows were filthy I washed them (now clean but streaky) and got soaked in the process - window cleaning was always one of DH's jobs - he is 9" taller than me - which he can no longer do. Also took down washed and rehung the nets. I helped with the clear out of the Christmas Shop, with DH in tow, completed his tax return with difficulty and paid it, did one school pick-up, entertained and fed the DGC, went wooding and chopped kindlings and logs, did the shopping, cooking, washing, cleaning as per usual and spent an inordinate amount of time looking for things DH has 'Lost'.

The DDs were very kind to us presentwise at Christmas but fail to realise that giving their father a weather station, a mushroom growing kit and a leaf blower, far from keeping him entertained just creates more work for me as he cannot follow the instructions but gets very anxious that his new toys must be put to use asap, so I have added mushroom farming, leaf blowing and sooking (the damn machine is bigger than me) and checking inside and outside temperatures several times daily to my workload.

I sat down for a rest this evening after an exhausting day and my restless leg kicked in. However I had to go for a walk anyway as DH spilt the last of the milk by dropping the whole carton into the cat's dish.

If anyone has got this far - thanks for listening - but if anyone comes on with facile suggestions of the 'you should do such and such' variety they are liable to get their nose to play with. I do feel the better for writing it down and having taken my pill the restless leg has subsided and I can Rest in Peace.

kittylester Sun 08-Jan-17 12:22:16

I thought Jalima was going to say rhat if you gave a good sit down now you'll be ok to do it again next year! Which you will. grin

As someone else said, you and DH must come first! brew

bellsisabelle Sun 08-Jan-17 12:31:53

DH was given a bird feeder for robins for Christmas. He now stands at the kitchen sink telling me over and over there are no robins on it yet. Well, today one actually stood on top of it. That has encouraged him. Sigh.

My lot are all coming baCK today. GS left a couple of presents here so, of course, they have to come here to collect them. Actually, we could have taken them there, and had dinner cooked for us. Oh well, back to the stove.

Jalima Tue 10-Jan-17 17:01:42

I thought Jalima was going to say rhat if you gave a good sit down now you'll be ok to do it again next year!
It's like having a baby, you forget the agony

kittylester Tue 10-Jan-17 17:27:40

I keep telling my daughter that about her extension when she says 'I'm never having work done again'

stayanotherday Tue 10-Jan-17 20:59:18

You poor thing. Your post did give me a laugh though, wish I could write with your style!

Since everybody puts on you, why don't you turn it around and go and stay with them for a while, pop in for a cuppa etc.? That way you can have a rest while they do the running around for a change?!

Eloethan Tue 10-Jan-17 22:13:52

Honestly, I don't know how you managed to do all that when you were feeling so poorly. Like everyone else, I did chuckle at your very descriptive account but also felt a bit annoyed on your behalf.

I expect your family has got used to you being the strong, efficient person that you obviously are and don't realise that even you need to be looked after sometimes. I think you need to give yourself a break and stop feeling guilty - imagine feeling guilty when you have paid for everyone's Christmas dinner!

Jomarie Tue 10-Jan-17 22:31:52

Have just got one "should have" that I can't resist - bear with me - you "should have" made them pay for the New Year's Day meal = then their appreciation of you and what you do would have had more impact and the compliments to your cooking/hosting much more acceptable. Just saying ......

hulahoop Tue 10-Jan-17 22:32:57

Don't know how you do it time to look after yourself a bit now . Your rant made me smile though 💐

stayanotherday Tue 10-Jan-17 22:49:24

Yes it would be a good idea to put yourself first and let others do the running. You deserve a rest.

Mair Wed 11-Jan-17 01:23:16

Everyone remarked that it was not nearly as good as my usual homecooked dinner - I think that was meant to compliment me but it only served to make me feel a failure.
Absolutely certain this was a compliment to you!sunshine
But otherwise very amusing post!wink

PS why not treat yourself to a window cleaner - sounds like youve more than enough other tasks to keep you busy!

Granny23 Thu 12-Jan-17 01:03:26

This is why I said 'No facile suggestions' please. If I were to take to my bed as suggested I would a)starve b)be unable to sleep due to coughing, restless leg + arm and constant interruptions to assist DH with buttons, finding things he has mislaid, resetting the TV after he has pressed the wrong buttons, confirming that it is not bin day, etc. etc.

There is no window cleaner in our village. Anyway money is tight and we have recently had to shell out for tradesmen to replace windows, cut hedges, disconnect and remove the gas fire after DH got distracted and left it on but not lit. DD2 and I came up with an ingenious solution to filling the gap left in the fireplace where the brand new electric fire (more expense) now looks lovely. DH has yet to master the, very simple, controls so it is either off or like a furnace in the glassworks. We are even having to buy logs for the other open fire, as my efforts are insufficient to keep up the regular supply provided by DH when he was fit.

Our DDs both have children at primary school who need to be delivered to school at 9 and collected at 3.00. Both have their own businesses and work full time. Both dads also work full time+. They do what the can to help us e.g. they repainted the kitchen and toilet after the windows were replaced and will bravely put up or fetch down things from the loft since I took a panic attack up there and had to lie on the floor until I calmed down and was able to get on to the ladder to descend to terra firma with DH flapping about like a headless chicken - he can't do ladders now with only one working arm and constant dizziness.

I remember only too well what it was like when we were both full time, and then some, workers, with shared responsibility for my Mum and Aunt with my sister and sole responsibility for DH's Mum, Dad, and Aunt who were all in and out of hospital simultaneously and needing help with everything. I will not inflict that stress on my daughters and while accepting help that is willingly offered, will continue to say 'Nae sae bad' when they ask how I am.

FarNorth Thu 12-Jan-17 01:36:42

flowers

Retrolady Thu 12-Jan-17 09:07:14

What's "wooding?"

gillybob Thu 12-Jan-17 12:11:52

Oh Granny23 I thought I had a hectic life until I read your (very amusing) posts.

Firstly I can totally sympathise with the dreaded cold/cough. I have had my cough for over 3 weeks with no sign of it getting better soon. In fact I have almost come to the conclusion that it is now "part of me" and I might have to live with it forever. I might start introducing myself as the amazing barking mad lady.

Secondly. Christmas dinner. I have always cooked the "main event" for the family but after losing my grandma and mum, we all said that Christmas would not be the same and decided to eat out this year. Whilst everyone paid for themselves we all paid "over the top" for nothing special and like your brood, mine also said that my dinners were far better and that we should "go back to normal, next time". I chose to take this as a compliment but the cynical side of me thinks that no-one wanted to go to that expense again as they eat and drink for free at mine.

I do hope you get a little time to relax soon. sunshine and flowers to you. x

varian Sat 21-Jan-17 17:33:05

I am sorry to hear that your DH is suffering from deteriorating abilities. I can imagine that you both worked together to make these wonderful family xmases in the past and now you are trying to do it all yourself, even when you are having to do things for him and are not feeling well.

Your family obviously love coming to your home for great meals and good company. How about getting them all to bring contributions ( eg mince pies, puddings) and asking them to help (peeling veg etc). If your grandchildren are primary school age they could help too (laying the table, washing up?)

You deserve a rest and you should ask for help. Take care and don't wear yourself out.

Anya Sun 22-Jan-17 11:43:26

Granny23 only just read your post from 12-Jan-17 01:03:26. I can only offer my heartfelt sympathies. How hard must it be when you don't have your DH there is body and mind to support you at your time of life.

stayanotherday Sun 22-Jan-17 13:47:50

Yes, good idea for everybody to maybe start helping out in return until you get better. You're obviously a strong lady but you can't do it all at least for now.

grannypiper Mon 23-Jan-17 07:50:15

Granny23* to use a good Scottish saying"you must be scunnerit(fed up and worn out) I always find a bloody good rant the way to go, and we are here to listen. I think you will also find that if you read the thread on here about ^mothers sayings^you will feel much better grin
Dont forget to tell the world to sod off as you want not just a duvet day now but at the end of the year you are having a duvet Decemberbrew&cupcake

SparklyGrandma Sun 12-Feb-17 05:33:31

merlotgran and Granny 23......first did a good rant feel better? If I may venture a comment (but feel free to bite me back) maybe next year one of the big meals could be done by others, but at your home if thats where you like it?

Myself and my sister once did the Christmas lunch for 12 as my Mum was ill, I was 20, my sister 18. I have never told anyone we added some Cinzano Bianco to the gravy, but thats another story.

WEATHER STATIONS - I fancy one, where were yours purchased?

Moving on...

Starlady Sun 12-Feb-17 14:14:34

Sympathetic, amused and full of admiration! No "facile advice," but a couple of questions. Have you seen a doctor about this long cold? And have your DDs ever thought of hiring a childminder or someone to take their kids to and from school?

JuliaSeizer44 Sun 12-Feb-17 22:30:26

Hope you are feeling better, OP ...sorry to have laughed out loud...my bad

annodomini Sun 12-Feb-17 23:27:04

Having read through this thread again, I am counting my blessings, because I spend the festive season staying with one or other of my sons' families and usually feel mildly guilty because it's (almost) all done for me. But there was a time....

Grandma2213 Mon 13-Feb-17 02:36:56

Oh Granny23 how I sympathise as I too have the same -problems- joys. Christmas is over - wahey!!!- but now my family have the January/February birthdays ie cakes, parties, meals - guess where? Yes at Mum's/Gran's! Of course the school runs, football, gymnastics, athletics pickups and attends or school events can easily be fitted in too. Homeworks - easy - a Viking shield and Astronaut project this week, plus reading books, my best event and tables practice.

Maybe we need a support group - oh sorry we wouldn't have time. Maybe 'ranting' is the only relief!!

Small mercies, at least I don't have a DH to consider.

Grandma2213 Mon 13-Feb-17 02:36:56

Oh Granny23 how I sympathise as I too have the same -problems- joys. Christmas is over - wahey!!!- but now my family have the January/February birthdays ie cakes, parties, meals - guess where? Yes at Mum's/Gran's! Of course the school runs, football, gymnastics, athletics pickups and attends or school events can easily be fitted in too. Homeworks - easy - a Viking shield and Astronaut project this week, plus reading books, my best event and tables practice.

Maybe we need a support group - oh sorry we wouldn't have time. Maybe 'ranting' is the only relief!!

Small mercies, at least I don't have a DH to consider.

Grandma2213 Mon 13-Feb-17 02:36:56

Oh Granny23 how I sympathise as I too have the same -problems- joys. Christmas is over - wahey!!!- but now my family have the January/February birthdays ie cakes, parties, meals - guess where? Yes at Mum's/Gran's! Of course the school runs, football, gymnastics, athletics pickups and attends or school events can easily be fitted in too. Homeworks - easy - a Viking shield and Astronaut project this week, plus reading books, my best event and tables practice.

Maybe we need a support group - oh sorry we wouldn't have time. Maybe 'ranting' is the only relief!!

Small mercies, at least I don't have a DH to consider.