Gransnet forums

AIBU

to expect people to read threads BEFORE they comment?

(65 Posts)
kittylester Tue 14-Feb-17 08:27:51

Just that really. confused

Badenkate Tue 14-Feb-17 08:35:14

Not unreasonable, but just accept that people have points they want to make and often don't see why something as obvious as reading what they're commenting on should get in their way.

kittylester Tue 14-Feb-17 08:38:52

I know but those sorts of comments can be very hurtful to the op though. sad

Badenkate Tue 14-Feb-17 08:45:37

I think after a time on GN you get to know who's likely to make unconsidered hurtful comments and if possible (and I agree it is difficult not to read them) ignore what they say. Some posters seem to make 'tough love' their mantra in life and somehow don't think what effect this may have on people in a situation when all you get is the written word without any of the unspoken reassurance of saying things face to face. I often feel sorry for their families 😧

Stansgran Tue 14-Feb-17 08:57:29

I do avoid very long threads as I can't always remember how things went. I actually look for names down the last posts and avoid or read depending on their previous history. If Bijou has posted I'm interested as she has said I think that she's in her nineties and I feel so pleased that she defies the picture of elderly people not being computer literate. I look for you Kitty and JaneAinsworth because you are brave enough to use your names . I like Petra's posts as she's pretty robust. I do wonder where Numberplease has gone as she read so fast and I miss Micelf.

Rinouchka Tue 14-Feb-17 09:09:11

Totally agree with your point, kitty. On the whole, the "personal" threads are not onerously long and should be skimmed before commenting. However, each poster's life and personality will often colour the comment, as is seen so often and to which badenkate alludes.

Charleygirl Tue 14-Feb-17 09:09:57

Stansgran Numberplease is now Callgirl with possibly a 1 at the end of it.

Judthepud2 Tue 14-Feb-17 09:16:56

I do agree with you Kitty as sometimes people post to the OP but things have evolved since and their replies can be inappropriate.

Sometimes I can be guilty of skipping through the very long political posts, and then scroll back to see why or how certain skirmishes heated discussions have started.

Probably not everyone has the space to read through everything that is posted.

harrigran Tue 14-Feb-17 09:19:41

Not unreasonable but some write essays and it can make for difficult reading.

Elrel Tue 14-Feb-17 09:25:18

I agree, it's irritating and often genuinely hurtful when people don't take time to read the thread. Much worse on Mumsnet where threads can get seriously skewed and RTFT often appears. Sometimes it looks as if posters wilfully misunderstand what has gone before!

Elrel Tue 14-Feb-17 09:26:20

I must admit to getting confused in Word Games and hadbetter avoid them!?

MawBroon Tue 14-Feb-17 09:29:24

As I don't know what lies behind bthis Kittylester I am probably not best placed to comment. If we are talking about some of our llengthier threads (!), it is hard to trawl back through possibly hundreds of posts without missing something. I can also understand a "gut" reaction but "hurtful personal comments" a) should not be made and b) should not be made!
flowers

mcem Tue 14-Feb-17 09:41:16

I've been following a thread where the op simply need to vent and have a degree of support.
There have been several harsh and inappropriate replies which I believe we're not deliberately cruel but which have proved very hurtful.
Despite a few interventions explaining the true situation, more unpleasant comments have followed.
I'm sure this is a result of simply not reading the full story.

Jalima Tue 14-Feb-17 09:41:50

I do try to do that mostly (well, skim read if it is long) but sometimes they are tltr and then I try to get a gist but go back to the OP and answer directly.

I see what you mean, though, kitty but threads do meander off the main OP quite a lot sometimes and some posts are best ignored.

merlotgran Tue 14-Feb-17 09:43:49

I don't think kitty is referring to lengthy threads.

Sometimes you can tell from the OP whether it's necessary to look back at earlier posts before commenting.

Jalima Tue 14-Feb-17 09:44:02

I had to look up RTFT!
Mumsnet again!

Lona Tue 14-Feb-17 09:44:07

It would be easier if GNHQ made the original poster's following posts in a colour like they do/did? on Mumsnet, then you can scroll through and read any updates.
I agree with Kitty though, it is frustrating when the original situation has changed and some posters carry on with pointless posts.

Rigby46 Tue 14-Feb-17 09:44:35

What's even more astonishing is when someone comments on a thread and then says but of course I've never heard of what you're talking about and know nothing about it but here's my opinion which I have every right to hold ( or wirds to that effect). Then another poster is rightly critical of this stance, says so and is accused of being horrid and making people too frightened to post

MawBroon Tue 14-Feb-17 09:52:18

Is this a thread about "etiquette" or a thread about a thread?
I am getting that guilty "well I don't think I have done anything wrong, but I will just search my conscience to double check" feeling.
I am sorry if somebody has been hurtful to you kittylester but general accusations (even if more than in sorrow than in anger,) tend to leave me with my head well down for the rest of the day.

whitewave Tue 14-Feb-17 10:00:37

I simply don't have time to read every single post if I'm interested in joining the conversation I'm afraid. The result is that I do occasionally get the wrong drift and end up looking a bit dim. But I don't really worry about it to be honest.

It will happen to us all at some time except those that have the time to read everything. It shouldn't inhibit us from posting - that's life.

Elrel Tue 14-Feb-17 10:01:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shysal Tue 14-Feb-17 10:04:21

When I once started a thread telling of my cat being run over and killed that day, which only ran to about a page, someone who is no longer on GN posted simply 'No great loss, plenty more out there.' In fact it was in response to a comment about hitting a pigeon, but it really shocked me at first, and made me cry for the first time since the loss of the cat. It was obvious that she hadn't read the thread or even the OP!
I know it is difficult to read very long ones but, as my mother would have said, if in doubt say nowt.
I hope you haven't been hurt by a thoughtless comment Kitty

MawBroon Tue 14-Feb-17 10:24:38

Ah, all is clear now. A helpful friend has pointed me towards what I imagine has given rise to this plea. Apologies for not making the connection myself.
Luckygirl you have been very forbearing and restrained and you (and anyone else in a similar position) have my full sympathy.
I wonder if the flurry of "LTB", "give him one" posts or whatever might be largely to do with a bit of an influx from MN -some people see everything very much in black and white.
Anyway, I hope I can stop feeling guilty about something I didn't do but bear it in mind for the future too.

kittylester Tue 14-Feb-17 10:28:28

Stansgran, I hope I havent led you up the garden path but kittylester isn't my real name.

Good idea about ops subsequent posts being a colour Lona.

I don't mind threads moving on but I think baden makes a good point.

I'm really referring to personal/support threads not political ones.

Jalima Tue 14-Feb-17 10:29:36

Elrel I have looked through the thread but you have lost me completely grin confused

Or was that the point?
Am I being slow this morning
(Don't comment)

Threads are like the people who post on them Rigby - full of opinions
It's what makes the world go round
Preventing opinions being aired is a dangerous step.