worried about safety re: DH and grandchildren

The suggestion about a Memory test sound the best option to me. Your DH is either not used to children and their behaviour as he was not around much for your own, or he could be developing some form of Dementia, in which case you would need to support him and in my view put him before child care. Dementia creeps upon you over years before you realise it is there. I have first hand experience from my late husband and my mother and care for people living with dementia in the community. I hope this is not the case but please have your husband take the test for everyone's sake. xx

Nina, I agree, some young Mothers today walk in front of their children while they talk on their phones, with their heads down listening to the conversation, while the children could be doing anything as far as they know. They could be running on the road, gone off in a different direction, been snatched or anything.

I am always telling my OH not to leave pan handles sticking out from the cooker top. They just don't get it do they. Mind you I know one of my sons was a little menace, if you told him something was hot, he would touch it to see if you were right.

The priority here is the safety of your Grandchild. On that basis, you need to warn the parents that your partner cannot be trusted where basic safety matters are concerned. They need to know that there is a risk. Belated regrets after the event are worthless. It may inhibit their confidence in leaving the child with both of you, but you will just have to take that on the chin. I would also encourage your partner to have potential early dementia checked out at the Doctor's. Irritability, easy distraction, poor driving, lack of general awareness of consequences.... all worrying signs...

I am hyper careful about boiling kettles, cups of tea and pans. I had a friend in Belgium whose small child pulled a kettle on top of himself and he was scarred for life right down the front of his little chest. She said the skin just seemed to fall off him. Push them to the back, it isn't rocket science is it.

Most of all do not let your H anywhere near your DGC where water is involved: bathroom, garden, if you have a pond or indeed anything in the garden that contains water; bucket, trough, water butt.

I think you need to act as if you were a single grandparent rather than grandparents. GC and C are too precious to lose physically or mentally.

I agree with others that the safety of the child is paramount and that you should be up front to parents about this. It neednt mean you never see the GC!
Id say something like Dad is getting a bit forgetful and it might be best if I look after X at your house on my own. Of course you could both still visit when parents are present.

my husband doesn't get involved in the care of our grandchildren,never has,I look after them when they are here.We have one child with us for half of every week and apart from picking her up from school he keeps out of her way.We or rather I had the oldest two from weeks old until they started school ,as long as the house was kept "tidy" and he didn't have to help that was fine.He's not child minded at all.Its just how he is.He too worked long hours 7 days a week for years so I brought up our kids .Maybe you have to accept that the baby is your responsibility and let him do his own thing

my husband doesn't get involved in the care of our grandchildren,never has,I look after them when they are here.We have one child with us for half of every week and apart from picking her up from school he keeps out of her way.We or rather I had the oldest two from weeks old until they started school ,as long as the house was kept "tidy" and he didn't have to help that was fine.He's not child minded at all.Its just how he is.He too worked long hours 7 days a week for years so I brought up our kids .Maybe you have to accept that the baby is your responsibility and let him do his own thing

my husband doesn't get involved in the care of our grandchildren,never has,I look after them when they are here.We have one child with us for half of every week and apart from picking her up from school he keeps out of her way.We or rather I had the oldest two from weeks old until they started school ,as long as the house was kept "tidy" and he didn't have to help that was fine.He's not child minded at all.Its just how he is.He too worked long hours 7 days a week for years so I brought up our kids .Maybe you have to accept that the baby is your responsibility and let him do his own thing

I'm with radicalnan & nina1959 on this one - too many people (including some mothers) play 'Russian Roulette' with children's safety. It's hard enough to keep them safe even when one does one's best to take every precaution.

Why do men never take responsibility for their own actions. They seem always to prefer to blame their wife or others. Why? I always apologise when I make a mistake and take the blame even if not guilty. DH always denies he made a mistake and makes up an excuse.
This is so childish and annoying. Luckily grandchildren are older now so no problem there thank goodness.

lucky4 how often have I said to my DH 'why don't you just admit you're wrong. I'd much prefer that to all this justification'

This thread reminds of an accident waiting to happen on a relatively quiet road locally, as I was driving along. Grandfather walking ahead with 3/4 year old whilst very young toddler, toddled along 3 or 4 metres behing. If that child had stepped into the road .........! I debated stopping and making him aware, but didn't, should I have done so?

Your DH might be worrying about Dementia too and be on the defensive when he's caught out because he's afraid. Try and get him to the GP if you can. But from now on your GC is only safe while you are there as well.

Dont leave them alone,imagine if it had been a pan of boiling water! Doesnt bear to think about. Pan handles always away from the side of the cooker.

Is he forgetful? Perhaps it is early onset dementia. I am only too aware of the symptoms as my husband was diagnosed four years ago. At first I just thought it was stupidity and thoughtlessness, particularly the driving.

So sorry you have found yourself in this position when you thought you were going to have a few pleasant years caring for your GC. You know you have to sort this out now it can't go any further. I agree with everyone saying you must act as a single carer and don't rely on OH for any help or watching child whilst you do other things. With your OH I guess there is a chance that this is the onset of a bigger problem but it is true that some this generation did have less to do with bringing up the children and never disregard that he may be a bit jealous of the attention your GC is getting, he may love the GC but he has now got to a position where he is not safe.

That man is either stupid, lazy, or just plain ignorant. Or all three. I would really lay down the law in no uncertain terms BEFORE there's a tragedy, not blame yourself afterwards if you do nothing. Two year old children are into everything and wouldn't realise the dangers of anything hot enough to cause life long scars. And NEVER leave him alone with a toddler, because even if he promises to mend his ways you can never be sure of that.

If you don't mind me asking but could it be the early signs of dementia? I am sure he would have previously been careful around the grandchildren but you also say he has had a couple of prangs in his care and he gets angry. This is exactly what happened to my sister and she has now been diagnosed with alzheimer's. I don't want to worry you but just to make you aware! Has you husband always been like this?

welshmist your post totally resonated with me and despite my GS now being over 4, I simply don't allow my OH to take him anywhere alone. I tried very hard to discuss this but he took my comments as criticism.

Obviously there are the infrequent occasions when my DH has to step in ..... If I'm unwell for example. The last time this happened and my GS needed collecting from nursery, they arrive home with him unstrapped in his car seat. He didn't know how to do it .... Yes he's been shown many times.

That was it! Sadly some men never grow up and take responsibility. I feel for you .... It's an extremely frustrating situation ....

Yorkshiregel so true, we live near two junior schools and two nurseries... it just makes me so angry to see unattended toddlers walking behind mum-nattering-on-the-phone-and-oblivious (these wre not quick phone calls, but conversations), on the way to their car.

They could so easily dart between cars into these busy roads in a flash.

Below is the link to my grand-nephew's death at age 7 that I referred to in my previous post. The report that he jumped up onto the tailgate whilst the truck was moving is incorrect. What was this man thinking? And drunk as well? Just an accident per the father? The mind boggles.

Children must be protected.

www.washingtonpost.com/archive/local/2001/08/09/father-defends-friend-in-sons-vehicle-death/9e46b9b4-a980-4ac9-8003-ea7754250191/?utm_term=.8b8ff78a39f3

foxie &luluaugust..I COMPLETELY AGREE.......yes, it causes arguments with our other halves, but the safety of our beloved grandchildren is Paramount,a child in the kitchen with someone who doesn't anticipate mishaps is certainly an accident waiting to happen..I too have had similar 'arguments' over this, clumsiness & general lack of common sense BUT DON'T CARE,..as nothing comes before safety...common sense or lack of it can only lead to tears...or worse still..a dreadful accident, because men just don't THINK.

You are not alone Welshmist. My OH. allowed the 2yr old Granddaughter to escape out of the house. Daughter knows, sil doesn't. He will never be allowed to be on his own with her again but he doesn't know that. He was a good Dad but age and deafness had made things difficult.

Has he always been this way, blaming you for things and getting angry? If this is fairly new I would be keen to get him to see a GP to see if they can establish a cause for the character change. In the meantime the childcare must be down to you alone I'm afraid

Is there any reason you can't watch your GC without assistance from DH? I see no reason you'd need to leave home to watch the child, I watch my GC alone whilst my DH golfs.