Guests for 4 days

Then tell him Lucky before your resentment explodes. It's quite rude to watch TV or read when guests are there, except possibly in the evening if there's a programme you all want to watch, together. And it's a bit much to expect all the burden of conversation and entertaining to fall on your shoulders.

Sorry, lucky, had forgotten the PD. Wondering now was your OH the same before onset of PD? If he wasn't then I guess his behaviour is illness related. If he was then it's habit. Mr C doesn't have illness as an excuse reason! Either way would he be OK with some simple and very clear 'instructions' about how he can be more helpful next time round? Along the lines of 'it would be better if.....'. Yes, a lot to adapt to and keep adapting to as time goes on. I was lucky, my Dad had PD but mildly and although he became more definite about things he remained himself. Rant away here if it helps. It is a difficult path to tread. Your current hosting will soon be over, maybe think hard if you can accommodate some guests in the future. Nearly there.

Our DD had an experience some years back. She was living in a one bedroom flat with her at that time boyfriend. They just returned from skiing trip when an aussie relative rings to say can they pick up her son from Heathrow in 2 days and put him up for a couple of days. This couple of days turned into 6 weeks and she had to tell him to go in the end. All that time he slept on their sofa and had the habit of ringing his girlfriend in the middle of the night (time difference) waking them up.

Thanks corner - his family were a bit dysfunctional and he just used to pretend they were not there. But it is not easy to hold a conversation about it now as he has PD - I just feel a complete rat if I try and talk to him about something like that - that's why I am talking to you lot!

It is very hard - I am torn between the wife/carer roles and normal relations in terms of treating him as a grown adult responsible for his own actions are difficult to sustain - and it fluctuates. I am finding it very stressful. Is he my OH - an equal partner or not?

Hang on in there lucky, I feel a conversation coming on with your OH when your visitor has gone. Mr C can be the same, depends who the visitor is. Would be good to be able to switch off like that.

As the weekend progresses I realise that the central problem is that my OH has always left me to talk to his relatives - when we visited or they visited us, he just did/does his own thing and leaves me to "entertain" them. To be fair to this lady, she is scatty, but has gone out of her way to help me with some things I have not been able to manage. But I can feel my resentment building up towards OH who just wants to read or watch TV as if she is not there.

I feel better knowing that I'm not alone dreading visitors! Trying to keep the atmosphere light between them and husband who is not at his best. Keep the gin handy!

Could you cope with having them to stay if you don't have to take them out and about? We have friends to stay for five days at a time but they know they will have to go out on their own and they don't expect fancy meals.
If it is too much for you then be honest and tell them. DHs parents told us we could no longer stay when it got too much for them (even though we took all the food) but we didn't fall out with them. If offering BnB only is still too much for you and your husband then tell them.

chewbacca my parents did that! I am one of seven and my mother just had enough - we had all left home.

When I moved house recently, I deliberately chose one that had only 1 bedroom. Nowhere for guests to stay, problem solved!

Luckygirl oops! Your heart must have sunk! Too late now to adopt surprised expression and say "Oh dear, we were going out/away for the weekend/have other visitors arriving" on Saturday evening.

We generally love the Colonials. It's usually said with tongue in cheek. They have an attitude to life that is refreshing. And we've never had freeloaders,always very generous with return hospitality.

You would have 'liked' one of my Canadian freeloaders, Melanie! 50s cousin I had never met, came straight in, feet up on the sofa, never offered anything at all, and when he wanted to go out for a drink with 30s dd one night, he didn't put his hand in his pocket until she made a point of saying, 'Your round now,'.
He stayed 10 nights, I took him all over the place to see the sights, paid for it all, and there wasn't so much as an email to say thank you after he left.

Never again. There are guests I love having to stay, but some people really do take the p*ss.

Our business is very international and if a customer wants to come and visit OH always says they can stay with us "stay for a few days, the wifie (we are in Scotland) will show you round". Would be a bit more OK if I got some gratitude. OH usually gets a bottle of whisky, I might be lucky if I get taken out for dinner. Then there is family who come to stay - no problems with them they know where the kitchen is! But I have managed to double book and had family and customers at the same time - nightmare (and son and dil slept in a single bed, without complaining).

I think the worst was a couple who came from Australia. I collected them from the airport (hour drive), cooked dinner and breakfast, took them back to the airport and they didn't buy anything and certainly no present for me. OH got a piece of wood - which is not suitable for his work!

Could you not have primed your DGC to respond 'But I thought you were only staying until Saturday! Why are you staying until Sunday'

Melanie

The Australians I know are extremely hospitable and generous and probably assume the British would be the same if they visit them here!

Well - she is here. My DD just popped round to pick her child up and asked this lady when she is staying till and she said Sunday!!! - news to me!; she had said she was going on Saturday! Hmm. Do you see what I mean about this person?!

OK The Colonies, badly put. To me, in the UK, they are Australians and Canadians. Freeloaders all of them who have visited me.

At the moment we have the opposite problem. We are going to Spain next week and 2 couples and 1 friend on his own want us to stay with them. I thankfully came up with a fiesable excuse to stay with the one we want to stay with.

Glad it's not just me, overthehill, I hate staying with people too, unless I know them extremely well. If Dh wants to go and stay with relatives of his who I don't know, or hardly know, that's fine - but he goes on his own.

I don't sleep well at the best of times and in someone else's house, when you hardly know them, you don't exactly feel able to root around their kitchen and make yourself a cup of tea at 3 am, let alone put the TV on, too.
At least, I don't. As I get older I appreciate my own home comforts more and more.

Where are The Colonies? Near the Canaries? The Canaries are Spain's Colonies
ours are kind of underneath us (well, some of them are)
Some are across the Pond
and yet more you have to tunnel diagonally through the Earth to get there

Personally I hate staying with people and don't want them staying with me.
Staying with people I find all the business of who's turn it is for the bathroom, should I offer to help wash up/vacuum etc. and what about the cost of the food, what is the protocol here.
We have a caravan and that is useful if we want to visit over night say. Failing that we'll book a hotel.
I like to see people, but after a few hours we have usually covered all the news and then go on our merry way.

Where are The Colonies? Near the Canaries?

Would you be able to ask where they are staying? Because you'd like to have them over or meet up for tea. Just assume they are staying nearby and act all surprised if they retort they are staying with you. Especially as their son is 'not easy'.

And give the (health) reasons, I should have added.
Reasonable people will understand.