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Am I just a female Victor Meldrew?

(52 Posts)
Hopehope Sun 07-May-17 12:56:54

If I am a female Victor Meldrew I wonder if any of you agree with me, or am I the only grumpy one?

I was shopping in Sainsbury, and as is often the case there were Children waiting to pack bags,collecting for a Charity, and supervised by an Adult. This time it was a local Child with a Brain Tumor. I know that is a terrible thing, but I cannot give to everything. I object to this " In your face collecting"

The thing I find most annoying is the packing of the bags. Today I said " No thank you I want to pack it myself( it is a trolley). I said that if I don't balance it properly it makes it more difficult pulling it home). I made sure the Woman supervising heard me say this.

She totally ignored me, and started telling the Kids to " Put the Oranges at the bottom". Once again I said I would rather pack it myself, Kids were chucking small stuff in, I was taking it out and starting again. I blame her, not the Children.

Finally I was finished, just putting my Purse away, and she leans across grabbing the next shopper's bags, telling the Kids to start packing. I could have hit her to be honest.

I did not donate any money. The thing is, had they listened to me in the first place I would have put some change in the box.
I felt like telling her that, but she was so bombastic she probably would not have listened in any case.

pollyperkins Mon 08-May-17 08:46:55

I like to pack my own bags. I have different bags for different items eg raw meat, dairy and other cool things, fruit & veg, bread and othr dry goods, tins and other heavy items. I do t even like DH helping pack. I'd have been livid! Id have donated to stop them 'helping'!

travelsafar Mon 08-May-17 09:01:43

I have done this service at the local supermarket. Most shoppers have a way of packing their bags and constantly asking if i could pack for them was so embarressing in the end.

Mind you we did raise 145.00 in the end for a couple of hours, there was 6 of us doing it.

When asked to help again this year i declined most firmly as i hated every moment of it!!!!

chocolatepudding Mon 08-May-17 09:47:46

i have never packed bags at a supermarket to raise funds for a charity but I have stood outside and collected for the local hospice. Once you get over the initial "I don't exist syndrome" and accept that most people are at least going to say hello you may find that some people are very generous. One or two may actually ask about the hospice.

Personally I think everyone should stand outside a supermarket for an hour and collect money for a charity. You may see the world in a different light......

I am biased though. Here is the charity plant stall outside my house, photo taken last summer. I have several friends who kindly donate plants, flowers, fruit and vegetables to raise funds for the hospice.

chocolatepudding Mon 08-May-17 09:48:35

In 2016 we raised £1150.00

kooklafan Mon 08-May-17 10:32:41

One thing that bugs me is how they ask you if you have a store card while you're still packing your bags, rushing you along.

Kim0612 Mon 08-May-17 10:36:55

That's a lovely idea chocolatepudding, I would buy off you.

Lilyflower Mon 08-May-17 10:44:33

I, too, am getting grumpier and less tolerant in my latter years. However, I try to remain - at least to others - as cheerful and grateful for my lot as I can be as my DH is a bit of an Eyeore and moans from breakfast to sundown about everything when, actually, the pair of us are very lucky people.

Inside, nevertheless, I register increasing annoyance at many things:-
-dog mess
-the snowflake generation who are uniquely privileged but who criticise the elders who made life a breeze for them
-governments who tax the pips out of we lemons
-people who call others 'racists','populists', 'fscists' and so on at the drop of a hat
-endless polemical propaganda from the BBC
-solar panels in the countyside - a horrible black desecration of the green fields

And so on. It's just the usual Victor Meldrew stuff and really I am happy and grateful that I live such a wonderful life in such a wonderful country in such an incredible century.

radicalnan Mon 08-May-17 10:59:44

I just tell people that I don't give to charities. I abhor the way that adults encourage kids to think that charities are wonderful and must be supported, and the blinking people who want sponsoring all the time so they can run a marathon or climb Everest.

I am quite capable of being charitable without some fool sitting in a bath tub of baked beans or performing badly on TV (Red Nose etc) it is all an industry now.

I also loathe the 'non uniform' days where kids take a quid in and can wear ordinary cothes to school, what does that teach them, it is possible to buy your way around the rules....

Too much money being syphoned off by people with their own agendas.

Everhopeful1 Mon 08-May-17 11:18:33

Complain to the store manager, it's up to them who they have in the shop & if the packers are not asking politely & standing aside when you say no then he/she should be told.

Jaycee5 Mon 08-May-17 11:24:04

I haven't found them usually to be that pushy but I would find that annoying. She was teaching them to be rude. Unfortunately there are people who believe that anything goes if it is for charity.
I was in Morrisons the other day and there was someone packing. Can't remember what for but it might have been the same thing. I said no thanks and she just stepped back so I gave her 50p anyway. I refuse to be guilted into giving. It is the same when you get sent things through the post. You either add to rubbish by throwing them away or send them money. I still use their pen or whatever rather than throw it away but none of the charities that I support do that sort of thing and it is their choice to send it to me. It still give to the one's that I choose to and that is enough.

Jaycee5 Mon 08-May-17 11:27:59

radiclan I agree with Attlee's view that charity is a 'cold grey loveless thing' but that only works if people are prepared to force their governments to do the things that they ought to be doing, fight for fair trade etc.
The ideal is to work towards a world where charity is not necessary - but we are not there yet unfortunately.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Mon 08-May-17 11:43:36

Luckily I've found that with these 'pack your bags' days they only seem to be at around a quarter of the tills so I've been able to go to another if it irks me but you can still get caught out, can't you?
Some people have a brass neck though, don't they? I've 'tin rattled' in the past but we're certainly not allowed to rattle anymore, just stand and hope.
I feel sorry for the homeless but hate the way that Big Issue sellers sometimes single someone out, "Good day, sir/madam" as it feels mean to walk by with a "No thanks." Plus we don't know if they're all genuine.

icanhandthemback Mon 08-May-17 12:32:18

My son used to do this at our local supermarket as part of his volunteering with the Scouts and the boys were always expected to ask first if their services were required. Quite a few people didn't want their bag packed and this was always accepted with good grace. Many people would still give a donation. Once we realised what was expected of my son, we taught him how to pack the groceries safely as my husband is very particular about the way a bag is paced. If you spoke to the store, I am sure that next time that particular group was in they would ensure that the overbearing woman knew what her brief was. After all, it is not in the supermarket's interest to upset customers.
lovebeigecardigans1955, I've always found that a "Not today thank you" with a smile usually elicits a pleasant response back. There can be nothing worse than trying to raise money to live on by such an awful method only to have people be awkward with you.

jangeo44 Mon 08-May-17 12:37:11

I absolutely refuse to give money to charities other than those I feel strongly about. I refuse to be put in a position of giving money when envelopes are popped through the door - people should give to charity if they want to, not because it is forced upon you and you hate to say no.

sarahellenwhitney Mon 08-May-17 12:44:05

You were correct. What a dreadful example of a woman to put in charge of youngsters.Then we call our kids if they become aggressive. I would have been inclined to report her.

Rosina Mon 08-May-17 12:56:10

Some charities are getting really difficult now with such determined people being employed. We have a direct debit for cancer research, and I had a call last year from a woman who was of the strident voiced 'listen to me and don't argue' brigade. I tried to tell her repeatedly that we gave all we could to charity and we prefer to spread it about, but she would not give in and kept pushing me to give 'just another £2'.
In the end I had to ask her what part of 'no' she didn't get, (how I do hate to be rude) but people working for the telephone harassment lot and also the collectors in the street who sign you up for a direct debit evidently take a percentage of your donation EVERY TIME!

It's a great shame because those who stand and shake tins are giving their all in terms of commitment and what they collect, and the heavy brigade of charity workers put a lot of people off giving. Perhaps that pushy lady was of the same ilk!

Maimeo Mon 08-May-17 16:20:29

My latest trick of dealing with enthusiastic but clueless packers, particularly children who I'd hate to be unkind to, is to ask them to go behind me and unpack trolley onto conveyor belt. Then I get to do my own packing and still give them a small contribution!

Tessa101 Mon 08-May-17 16:48:54

Don't like pushy people when collecting for charity, I will give IF I choose to give not by being bombarded into. I agree with you.

hulahoop Mon 08-May-17 17:05:57

I have collected for charity but was told by organisation that rattling tins was not allowed (I don't think I would have done anyway) if people want to give they will we did ok without hassling anyone .

Caro1954 Mon 08-May-17 17:08:56

I would have been annoyed too, Hopehope. The Adult was rude and overbearing and a very bad example to the children. Could you contact the charity direct and tell them what happened? My son did bag packs, and other things, for Scouts and was always told, by his leaders and his parents, the importance of a polite request and an equally polite response to a refusal. This woman is doing her charity no favours.

quizqueen Mon 08-May-17 17:26:05

My rule is - never give to charities who ask. I decide which ones I want to support and I never give to foreign aid ones. The directors of many of these organisations (and some UK benefitting ones like the RSPCA) are often on £100,000-£250,000 annual salary plus an expense account so I tell the collectors they can be the ones to contribute!

Diddy1 Mon 08-May-17 20:35:19

I think you were very reasonable, and dont worry about being a female Victor Meldrew, we all have our VM moments.

Legs55 Fri 12-May-17 18:26:33

I always refuse bag packing as I like to do my own, I can't carry heavy bags so I balance my shopping so I can unload it easily from the car. I find groups such as Scouts are always polite & leave me to do m own thingsmile

I have stood outside a large supermarket several times collecting for RNLI last time about 9 years ago, I believe that rattling your tin/collection box hasn't been allowed for years. We never rattled our lifeboats but always raised a condsiderable amount of money, a pleasant smile goes a long way (have any of you done an hour in the cold & rain?), some people do rush past but many are so generous, not always the ones you expect eithergrin

I too have my female VM moments & I'm only 61. I have a very sunny nature buthmm

grannylyn65 Wed 17-May-17 11:56:46

'Chuggers' That's a new one !!'

kittylester Wed 17-May-17 12:05:41

The word 'chuggers' has been around a long time - maybe 10 years. I think it is an amalgamation of the words charity and muggers!

They are people who stand around in busy shopping areas trying to get people to sign up to give money (by direct debit) to a charity. They work on commission. Sometimes they do door knocking too.