Problems which are not problems

Empathy is over-rated.
I am not sure that empathy is something that can be learned or cultivated; it is innate.
That's just my opinion.

Sigh. I said it wasn't a criticism, ann. It wasn't. Empathy is over-rated.

On checking back that was empathetic.

Well that's us told then.
" Not a sympathetic person " up thread and now droning on and bringing people down.
I might as well shut up now.

Sometimes a friend or friends 'abandon' someone because they just can't take any more and because nothing they do or say seems to help, not even oft expressed sympathy and much kind listening. At this point the person in distress, without meaning to, is dragging down their friends. Some people can take a lot of that and some people can't without becoming ill or depressed themselves.

That's when people drift away. It's not that they don't want to help but that they can't.

I hope your having a better day annsixty I can truly understand where your coming from. The awful situation that is unfolding in my own family can often completely overtake me. It takes my breath away leaving me in a state of absolute terror. I often post about it. (I probably shouldn't) these episode often come in waves and without warning it's at those times when all other problems both mine and others seem irrelevant. Once the wave of emotions have subsided (they can last minutes or days) I return to a normal way of thinking and feeling and everyday life once again returns and with it comes the realisation that the world is still turning. Everyday difficulties and frustrations are still occurring. While I'm in that state of despair and terror they appear frivolous and insignificant but of course there not. So it's perfectly understandable that you feel as you do. The problem is if other people have no knowledge of what's happening in your life then they can appear uncaring. If they knew many would be supportive and kind. What's upset me the most during our crisis is that people that I've known, loved and often supported have completely abandoned us and that adds to the pain. Oops sorry annsixty I've let my emotions run away with me. What I'm saying it's perfectly normal to have times when you feel as you do when you posted.

Love it MawBroon

But sometimes is good to hear how people cope with unbearable circumstances. I have had such help,
And posted funny pics of The Boys ( cats )
some replies spot on. Some unkind

What a lovely post ruby!

My Gorgeous Aunt Ann, I am so sorry that you are feeling a bit low love, you definately cheer me up, on here, on the phone and when you come to see me. I am looking forward to your next visit to the hospital, you really have become a very special person in my life, so please remember that when you are feeling a bit down.

You are a beautiful lady, generous of heart and spirit, who runs rings round young people. My son used to (and probably still is) plays his computer games all the time, time wasted in my eyes. You do not do this, waste time, not sit and play computer games, I don't think so, anyway, . So, don't think about time running out, you make the most of your days, unlike some people. Enjoy every moment and we will look forward to when we can go out for a lovely meal together, instead of hospital food. I will take you for a slap up greasy spoon, lol, a lovely meal when I am better. Lots of love, from your knackered out Neice!

?Here we come a-frivolling
In the merry month of May
No more shall we be snivelling
Or endlessly a-drivelling
For GN's here to stay

Here we come a-frivolling
In the merry month of June
Politicians are a-drivelling
The Tories even a-snivelling
But we'll just dance by the light of the moon ?

I like that new verb Christine

I frivol
you frivol
we frivol (even better!)

Sorry if I come over as 'preachy ' , but the other side of the coin is if we sympathise with others, and try to help, however minor we think the problem is, we're developing the compassionate side of our nature. If we don't use it we lose it.
eg Portia's speech in The Merchant of Venice. "The quality of mercy is not strained ......It is twice blessed - it blesses him that blesses and him that takes."
Not that I try to help all who come on here with problems

Good post G&N and Christine

We don't have to analyse everything and sometimes it's good to frivol (new verb) sometimes to be sad and other time to be deep and meaningful. That's what makes GN interesting isn't it ?

I agree that we should all continue to post , whether that be light and fluffy, serious and thought provoking, asking for help or support or info. I also agree we can't be expected to know everyone's back story , partly because there are too many of us and partly because not everyone posts about that part of their life.

Where I think we could be more thoughtful is to not rush in - to take a moment to think about what could be motivating a post such as anns . To maybe ask the question ? To sometimes ( and I'm not talking about this thread) be a little kinder.

Before I'm accused of only wanting posts of flowers and hugs - that's not what I mean. I just think anonymity, lack of tone or facial cues , being virtual not face-to-face can make it easy to give an off the cuff , harsh response without looking a little deeper.

Just my opinion of course

Yes, - apologies serkeen and grannyknot
Too much medical stuff going on in my life.
Take it back

I think the moral of this thread is that it takes all sorts!!

So long as you are not posting on a political thread that is!!

No gilly life isn't fair. My mum died at 58, when I was 23 and my youngest sister was only 14. My mum had a terrible life. She always wanted a garden but never had one. Some days when I sit out in ours in the summer, I find myself wishing she was sitting with me having a cup of tea. She has been gone 45 years and I would still like to have her sitting with me. We all have troubles, some too awful to think about and I have had (and am still having) my fair share, but I like the mix of serious and frivolous posts on here. for anyone struggling.

Annsixty has apologised for her OP so this is not aimed at her.

As others have said, who knows what goes on in the lives of members. There must be many, myself included, who have serious issues going on, the sort that keep you awake at night, but choose not to give a running commentary on a public forum.

I'm all for serious discussions, plus fun and frivolity - and choose what to get involved in and respond to.

There are two members who usually post in an amusing manner (one we don't see too much of these days unfortunately) both have lost a young adult child to suicide; and there are at two others whose adult child has been murdered. Lots of members have problems - being resentful of other peoples lives isn't an attractive trait.

I think we should continue to post on whatever subject we fancy and in whatever manner.

*wrong

I don't see anything erong with serkeen's posts. What's unreasonable in some (very few) of the posts that follow is to expect a poster to know anything else about the OP than is there on this thread. There are lots of reasons why they might not and even more why they would respond to what is in front of them in the thread in question and nothing else. We don't all know others' back stories. You have to judge a post in isolation when it's a new thread. Posters can't be expected to do research into posters' lives (from other threads) when they come across a thread like this one.

How could anyone ever be mad at you Elegran you are the most reasonable and fair person I have ever come across. That is why I was so surprised at your post. Apologies for misunderstanding what you were saying to Serskeen.

Still friends I hope?

Oh dear, trust me... back end of the cow as usual.

No I guessed that if it was you, then you weren't exactly going incognito.