Gransnet forums


To be annoyed with my DGD.

(30 Posts)
Nandalot Tue 04-Jul-17 10:47:02

Bit of a long story. My son has lived with his Spanish wife and his three children in Spain for about fifteen years. We usually go over once or twice a year for a long weekend and they come over for 10 days in the summer. Last year they didn't come in the summer as the girls were too busy. (Eldest one, now 16 and a half had boyfriend). We always pay for flights and treats while here. This year so that DG and children who live near us can see her brother/cousins we said that we would like them all to come over to celebrate DH's 70 th. we are all,including DD and family, having four nights in London, trips to Eye etc. Our treat.Fine so far. Bit our hands off. (DS teaches in Spain but wages low so we help out when we can. We always pay their flights and for example pay half of his car payments each month. We have done this latter for 5 years. ) Even said eldest DG could bring said boyfriend. (He is paying own flights). Idea was he would sleep on put u up in breakfast room. Eldest DG is now putting pressure on that she wants to share a bedroom with boyfriend. This means her sister (13 ) would have to share with mum and dad and much younger brother. She has now messaged me to ask if she could sleep with him and her sister in the double and single beds that were originally to be just for the girls. They "won't do anything and it will save us moving furniture" !! I feel very annoyed about this. I feel this will be awkward for younger sister. I appreciate that youngsters will get up to things, I met my DH when I was 16, but would never have dreamt of dictating to my grandparents. So far have ignored message. They arrive tomorrow.
Not sure how her parents feel about this. When talking to DDIL all I got was a lot of giggling

Nandalot Tue 04-Jul-17 10:51:04

I should say we are not rich by any means but have enough to spoil all our family which we love doing.

yggdrasil Tue 04-Jul-17 10:53:55

I guess she could do without him for a few nights if he is a serious boyfriend. Either way, your house, he sleeps in the breakfast room. smile
16-year-olds don't get priority over the comfort of the whole family.
Just show him where he will be sleeping. And put the younger girl in the double bed grin

glammanana Tue 04-Jul-17 11:00:59

I would stick with the original idea of boyfriend sleeping on the put you up as I really think it is not a good idea having 13yr old sister sleeping in the same room as the couple even though you have been promised "nothing will happen" they will obviously be tempted to try and do the deed if they get the chance.

J52 Tue 04-Jul-17 11:14:25

I agree with other posters, it's your house, your treat, so you get to say how it's organised!
I wouldn't let a 16 year old dictate terms of the visit. If he doesn't like the arrangement he can always stay at home.

Greyduster Tue 04-Jul-17 11:19:33

Stick to your guns. Your house, your arrangements. They'll get over it. I hope you all have a lovely time!?

MawBroon Tue 04-Jul-17 11:23:56

Girls' dorm and boys' dorm? 2 girls together, the much younger brother and boyfriend together.
Or stick to your guns. 16 is very young to be sharing (!) with BF.

Nandalot Tue 04-Jul-17 12:14:09

Thanks for your comments. Pleased I am not alone.

Madgran77 Tue 04-Jul-17 12:44:27

Unreasonable request ...why on earth would her 13 year old sister want to share a room with her sisters sixteen year old boyfriend?? It shouldn't even be considered! What on earth do her parents think, or don't they know?

joannapiano Tue 04-Jul-17 12:47:57

I agree with Greyduster, your house your rules.

Iam64 Tue 04-Jul-17 13:37:04

I'd be annoyed with her parents. Why aren't they simply telling their daughter that her grandparents don't want them sharing a room at their house. Also, what kind of example are they setting if they're ok with a 13 year old sharing a room with them.

ninathenana Tue 04-Jul-17 13:59:36

I would expect the parents to explain tell their 16 yo that it's grandparents house and therefore their rules. Also to remind her that you are paying.
Do her and BF share a room at home, I wonder.

Smileless2012 Tue 04-Jul-17 15:35:13

I agree with the other posters; your house your rules. I'd also expect my S to support my decision and TBH would be ratherangryif he knew about the request and hadn't 'put it to bed' (sorry about the pun but couldn't resistblush) before it was ever mentioned to me.

Hope you all have a wonderful time and your DH enjoys his birthday celebrations.

vampirequeen Tue 04-Jul-17 16:08:40

Your house. Your rules.

f77ms Tue 04-Jul-17 16:37:53

I was not allowed to sleep with my fiancée in my family home even though we had been together for years and I was 19 ! Stick to your guns , a 16 yr old shouldn't be dictating where and with whom she sleeps . It is not fair on the younger GD either . The DIL should be backing you up not giggling !

eddiecat78 Tue 04-Jul-17 16:40:25

I think we have to accept that the younger generation has a much more relaxed attitude to sharing rooms and beds with members of the opposite sex - and cannot understand why we see it as a problem. But it really is not appropriate for the younger sister to be in the same room. And if you feel at all uncomfortable about the request you have every right to turn it down

AsarahG Tue 04-Jul-17 16:44:16

If they are determined to 'get together' while over here, they will find a way. In the meantime, you house, your rules - the put u up for him!!

BlueBelle Tue 04-Jul-17 16:45:43

Times have moved on and if the parents are happy to her sharing a room with her boyfriend in their house that's their business but it's totally unacceptable for a 13 year old to be sharing with two love birds so yes I think the two boys /two girls rule as Mawboon suggested is completely acceptable and is exactly what I would offer

trisher Tue 04-Jul-17 17:16:12

Tell her if she is that desperate she can share the put-u up with him, and sister and brother can have the beds, but no way is he getting into the bedroom. Alternatively she can sleep in a proper bed with her sister. Bet she goes for the bed, teenagers today like their home comforts!

WilmaKnickersfit Tue 04-Jul-17 18:08:13

Couldn't agree more. I would even go as far as literally using the phrase My house, my rules in the conversation. If that results in dropping out, sulks or what ever, then so be it. Don't let this spoil the celebrations.

And if this rumbles on a bit of emotional blackmail wouldn't come amiss by saying to both the DDIL and DGD that they wouldn't want to spoil the celebrations over this.

Where is your DS in all of this? Has he got his head in the sand or something and ignoring the situation?

annsixty Tue 04-Jul-17 18:12:44

Do her parents let them sleep together at home? They wouldn't if they were mine but times change and so does society.
It would still be "not in my house ".

phoenix Tue 04-Jul-17 18:16:29

This could be seen as "pushing the envelope" to put it kindly, or taking the piss to put it more bluntly!

And I also agree will Wilma what do the parents have to say?

AND all those who say "your house, your rules".

Sometimes Granny gets to play the good guy, sometimes she doesn't.

BlueBelle Tue 04-Jul-17 19:01:31

Annsixty I d prefer them to be doing it in their own home than the back of some bushes in the park..... We ve all been there ( haven't we?) ?

GillT57 Tue 04-Jul-17 19:16:50

This isn't really about whether your eldest DGD does or does not sleep with her boyfriend, it is about whether it is appropriate for the youngest DGD to share a room with a couple including a 16 year old boy who is not family. So, no, he can sleep where you decide. Odds on the lad would have been a bit embarrassed anyway. I would go for boy's dorm and girl's dorm.

Iam64 Tue 04-Jul-17 21:43:56

Annsixty, I'm with you. One of mine age 17 asked if she and boyfriend of 18 months could share her bed when he was staying here after a night out, I'd encouraged her to talk to me when contraception was needed, she did and saw our GP with my full support as aged over 16 by then. I refused to let them share a bed in our home because I said it would set a precedent for the next bofriend, the one after that. Also, they had any number of opportunities to be alone in our home, or boyfriends parents home, so no need for the back if some bushes in the park.
By second year at university, they brought home steady boyfriends and shared a room. I still feel 16 is young, not to be having a sexual relationship but to be insisting on putting the rest of the family out to prove a point.