Ungrateful Son

Slightly off topic, but last night I watched an episode of Life Swap Adventure on BBC. A farmer from Malawi swapped places with a workaholic man from Essex (I think). The farmer's eldest son is 26 and they are very close, all still living together. The British man hardly ever sees his childhood and grandchild. I was touched when the farmer said something along the lines of once you're a parent, you are always the parent and there to guide your children through life, not just until they become adults. You could tell family meant everything. It seemed a very long way from family life for many people in the UK today.

I have two teenage grandsons who no longer want to spend time with me and a five year old grand-daughter who stays over every weekend. Sometimes I am tired and could do with a little me time, but I know she will follow her brothers soon so I cherish every moment I spend with her. My parents appreciated every second spent with my sons and I see how much the boys love and help their grandparents in their old age. I can only hope that my grandchildren love me as much.

susnrubey that's good. But I am still unsure why this is relevant to the OP. She is clear about what SHE can do and is willing to do, clearly spends a considerable amount of her spare time on childcare and will probably treasure that memory in the future! She appears to be avoiding the pleasure turning into a resented chore, which will not be such a good memory!

If we don't meet our children's expectations of doing childcare or tell them how they are selfish they will cut you off. We have been in that position for almost three years.
The entitlement and selfishness is overwhelming

CO is a possibility. So is it dawning on them that they might lose all the present free childcare which might make them think again!! I would hope so but who can tell.

Sheilasue, my heart goes out to you! There's nothing, imo, like the loss of a child, even an adult one. And how horrible that his own wife murdered him! But how beautiful that you are there for your little gc! God bless!

Sheian, I'm sorry about your situation. It was very loving and generous of you to rearrange your work schedule, etc. to accommodate ds and family, and it stinks that you feel mistreated in return. While I don't think it's so bad for a mom to want some time to rest, the way dil told you her plans was very off-putting. Though Iv happily watched my gc at times to simply give dd a break, if she greeted me the way dil greeted you that morning, I would have been incensed, too!

I suspect that Red has hit on something though and there are issues between ds and dil over his lack of involvement with childcare, etc. Could be her comment to you was really intended as a message to him (i.e. "I'm tired after being up with baby all night while you sleep, and I need some time with friends too, just like you get.") An immature way to go about it and not fair to you, but I suspect that's what that was about. I could be wrong, of course.

Unfortunately, it seems as if you and ds are at a kind of crossroads. Either he truly has "changed his mind" about your watching gd, and he and dil will work out something else. Or he'll cave and go back to the original agreement because they can't afford anything else and he can't/won't pitch in. If they don't have you watch gd, he might keep gd away from you, as you fear. But they might simply discard the once-a-week babysitting idea and that's all. That remains to be seen.

I sincerely hope pps are right and the fact that you provide free childcare will keep him from complete co. In fact, I hope he changes his mind back again and decided to leave gd with you once a week. You've already carved out the time and it would be great for you to have this time with her. Please keep in touch and let us know what happens.