I'm really upset and would value any comments or suggestions.
Last weekend I flew to the UK from the States with a girlfriend and we had a few days looking at castles and stately homes. She has had to return to work in the US and I am staying on to visit my family members.
I've rented a car and after dropping off my friend at the airport have gone to stay with my mother. She doesn't have a computer or wifi and I'm in the public library right now. The plan has always been for me to get over the jet lag, see my mum and then continue to see my daughter and granddaughter a few hours drive away in a coastal town. My daughter has known for weeks that I was coming and even this week texted me to ask what day/time I was arriving.
The background is that my daughter fled from an abusive relationship and had to give up her job as she moved to another part of the country, Her dad and I paid the deposit and first month's rent on her flat. We also arranged for a relative to be the guarantor as she claims housing benefits and few landlords would take her on. (Slum LL in may opinion....the place is dreadfully riddled with damp and terribly cold but she likes the location of the flat). I have also fully furnished it, from all white goods to cutlery, towels, crockery, pots and pans, kettle/toaster, beds, chest of drawers, curtains etc. as the place was just an empty shell. We've bailed her out a few times to help pay her rent when she was short of money.
We also bought her a car and pay for all the tax, insurance, breakdown cover and any repairs/spare parts as needed. We also paid a fortune for a barrister for DD when her ex who has relocated to the town she fled to (whom has never paid a penny in child support represented himself in Court for more access. He was awarded more access but not for overnights as he has no fixed address).
Last Summer we relocated with spouse's job from mainland Europe to the US. I was in transit via England and at her request, stayed with my daughter and GD for 6 weeks and cared for GD when DD went to an early morning cleaning job. My DD never put her hand in her pocket as I was happy to buy food, pay for outings etc. We all got on really well and my daughter kept saying so.
I was hoping originally to come over and visit last Spring, but my DD said to me "you can come, but you can't stay here as I have visitors". I said I could come before they arrived or after they've left - but she said they would be there for some time. (My GD piped up "Nanny if you stay in an hotel, can I come and stay with you"?).
Well, I wasn't happy about that and decided to come over this Summer instead. Now my DD knew I was coming and asked for dates etc. This weekend she is camping at a festival and not going home again until next Monday. I called her a couple of days ago and she said that she has 'visitors'. I said, ok, let me collect the little one and I will drive her up to where my mum and siblings with as they would all love to see her. DD said 'no' as she has Summer activities planned. (She also has to see her father every Friday or Saturday as the Court directed....so I can't have her visit me in the USA )
The penny has dropped. I am certain that she's moved her boyfriend in. He is supposedly renting a room in a lodging house a few streets away, but he became a father at the age of 17 and his daughter who is now 16 has moved from another part of the UK to live with him....who wouldn't want to move from a grim industrial city to a seaside town? My mum says that his daughter is attending a local 6th form college. It has dawned on me that he can't have her living with him in his room and they've moved in with my DD. Not officially though....the Landlord won't let another person move in without a guarantor (which he can't provide) and my daughter claims housing benefits....I have no idea if she is still claiming as a single parent. The boyfriend dropped out of school at 14 and is barely literate...he just does casual jobs and has a Summer job for a few weeks, but the town shuts down when the season ends.
This morning I got a text from my DD, as I'd sent her a message saying that I'm coming over next Tuesday. Her reply is that "Okay but you will have to book somewhere to stay". I am livid. It is peak Summer season and hotels/B&Bs/motels all cost a fortune! It has cost a lot of money for a transatlantic flight and car rental.
Guess what? Her car tax (over 300 pounds, diesel car) and car insurance are due at the end of July. Her car insurance will be high as she's had a claim earlier this year for causing a minor accident and also speeding fines. I am so exasperated....we got her the car so she could return to work as public transport is expensive and very limited where she lives.
Another thing....she is a bohemian hippy type who is 'unschooling'. Sadly she has turned out to be very selfish and entitled. My spouse sent her a note many weeks ago and said that we strongly felt that she should put GD in school if she wanted us to continue to pay for her car. She went berserk, accusing us of blackmail. She will only work 16 hours a week so she can get the max Housing Benefit but pays for a child minder out of her low wages.
Gransnetters.....what should I do? What would you do? It's going to cost a fortune to pay for hotels....I can't believe that I can't even stay on the sofa bed I bought brand new for her last Summer!
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