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Help please, wise people!

(35 Posts)
sandelf78a Fri 21-Jul-17 19:20:38

Husband paralysed with pre wedding speech nerves! Total surprise to me (married 46 years - he is normally nerveless). What can I/he do to get some confidence. Wedding is tomorrow!

Smileless2012 Fri 21-Jul-17 19:32:09

Oh bless him, I take it he's the father of the bridesmilein which case you've done the hard bit; bringing her up. All that will matter to her on her wedding day is that you are both there, and that you're as proud of her as she is of you.

She wont expect his speech to be perfect, she'll just want it to come from the heart and it will do.

Have a really wonderful day and sometime next week, let us know how it wentflowers.

vampirequeen Fri 21-Jul-17 19:35:21

I was told to imagine the audience are sat on toilets.

Eglantine19 Fri 21-Jul-17 19:36:20

I've got my speech ready for my sons wedding tomorrow. I'm the only parent left to be there so I knew it would have to be me. I've recited it over and over but still not word perfect. The thing is it won't really matter if I stumble a bit. Nobody 's coming to see me. Tell him not to worry. Everyone there will wish him well!

whitewave Fri 21-Jul-17 19:38:53

I bet he steps up and does splendidly. My DH did a lovely speech at our daughter's wedding, talking amongst other things about sheds! He read a poem for our sons and did get a bit tearful towards the end but he was fine.

Smileless2012 Fri 21-Jul-17 19:40:56

Hope it goes well Eglantine and you all have a wonderful daysmile.

eddiecat78 Fri 21-Jul-17 19:49:10

A drop of Dutch Courage usually helps - but not too much!

phoenix Fri 21-Jul-17 19:58:48

I welcome you all here today,
As I give my darling girl away
I'm sure (name) will love her well,
And if he doesn't, I will give him hell!

The years have just sped by so fast. from scraped knees needing elastoplast,
To rolling eyes when I suggest
for a night out she may be wrongly dressed! (Insert story about low cut top, short skirt, etc)

But now she is a woman, and beautiful as you all can see,

So, please, all of you raise a glass along with me.

And toast "The Bride and Groom!"

(Sorry if that's a bit crap, I was m as king it up as I posted blush)

Marydoll Fri 21-Jul-17 20:06:43

Well done, Phoenix! smile

phoenix Fri 21-Jul-17 20:09:28

Could do better with more time and background info, as said that was literally made up as I posted blush

phoenix Fri 21-Jul-17 20:12:56

PS. Nervous public speakers sometimes find it easier to read speeches in some sort of rhyme form.

Jalima1108 Fri 21-Jul-17 20:13:48

DH started with a little joke - but nothing personal - then the rest of it from the heart as others have said.

BlueBelle Fri 21-Jul-17 20:17:12

I can emphasise, as my children didn't have a father in their life I gave my youngest away so had to make the speech. I can't bear being in the limelight so it was my worst nightmare but I did it and I m sure you're husband will manage too
Good luck

hulahoop Fri 21-Jul-17 20:19:03

Tell him to just be himself hope you have a lovely day to all you having weddings tomorrow 🍾

Eglantine19 Fri 21-Jul-17 20:19:55

Thanks Smileless. So far so good! "I am delighted to welcome you all on thievery happy day......." Oh what came next!?

Marydoll Fri 21-Jul-17 20:27:40

My husband made funny jokes about me in relation to our marriage and then gave my DIL funny advice about how deal with the male members of our family. He had them rolling in the aisles, much to my surprise, as he is usually a quiet man in the background. I think he must have been surfing the net for ideas.

Yogagirl Sun 23-Jul-17 19:16:29

I gave my youngest daughter away and gave a speech too. Best to have it written down in front of you, even though you try not look at it, but it's there to back you up and yes a few jokes to begin helps and a few glasses of champers helps a bit too shock
Best of luck to your husband on his speech Eglantine and hope you all have a wonderful day flowers

Cubagran Thu 27-Jul-17 08:30:46

My DH had had a stroke the year before DD's wedding and there was no way he could read anything, as the stroke had affected the speech and language area of his brain. He managed to say a very few words along the lines of "thank you everyone for coming, we are pleased to welcome new son-in-law, doesn't the bride look lovely, hope they'll be very happy, now raise your glasses and drink a toast etc." I was so proud of him, and as most people knew about his stroke they understood that that was all he could do. They were few words, but spoken from the heart, and that's all that matters.

Imperfect27 Thu 27-Jul-17 08:39:46

Cubagran, what a lovely post. The very fact that your DH was there must have meant everything to your DD and SIL. xxx

gillybob Thu 27-Jul-17 09:26:02

When my DH and I got married (I already had 2 children from previous marriages) my DD was the biggest chatterbox you could ever imagine... yak, yak,yak yak and mostly talked rubbish just to hear her own voice (jeez I wonder where she gets that from grin).

We had a little wedding meal for about 20 people and DH (very very shy) got up to do a little speech "thank you for coming etc." My DD was going to stay with my parents for a couple of days so we could have a weekend away (a rarity as my parents never babysat) and at the end of,what was a very short speech, my DH pulled a set of ear-defenders out of his pocket and handing them to my mum he said "I thought you may be needing these. Sorry I only have one set, so perhaps you might take turns" grin

It didn't half raise a good laugh!

radicalnan Thu 27-Jul-17 10:45:13

Short and sweet...........he will be brilliant I am sure.

sandelf78a Thu 27-Jul-17 10:45:45

Thank you all for your wonderful support. Yes! He did step up and it all went wonderfully well.

moobox Thu 27-Jul-17 10:58:41

Best not to learn a speech, but rehearse from bullet points and have those available to sooth nerves.

Eglantine19 - I did the mother of the bride speech and her stepfather just walked her down the aisle. Use the little silly handbag we have at these events, a set of cards with simple highlighted bullet points, but tied into order in case they are dropped, then go for it.

I ended up enjoying it, did the whole thing of explaining I had chosen that job in case I upstaged the bride or people had thought we were sisters if I had walked her down the aisle, said it was my opportunity to get my own back after 34 years. Knowing her well as her mum, I could relate bits from her being a 3 year old bridesmaid, through uni, and early career, with quips that related to some of the colleagues there. I could even steal the groom's stories of 4 hilarious attempts at proposal in paris, as he seemed bent on just saying thank you to everyone. Then I had witnessed the wedding preps and dress purchase in Bakewell, with compulsory puddings purchased by all of us, and how the retinue of attendants had grown and grown. So no "jokes" needed, just real humorous events. I had a photo book to present to her, and silly mugs. It was the shortest speech of the 3, probably but the best, even if I do say so myself.

JanaNana Thu 27-Jul-17 12:23:00

It's probably the thought of it that is making him more nervous than the actual doing of it. Once he"s started it he may well be ok. Although this is"nt the same as doing a wedding speech I had to do some presentations for the company I last worked for along with another colleague. We got through it with a few swigs from a little bottle of Bach's Rescue Remedy to steady our nerves......not sure if it was that that actually worked or that we thought it did! One tip I remember being told was to focus NOT on a person ...but on something else to start with ......We like Pam Ayres type poems in our family and often speeches at our get togethers often come in the form of a humourous poem read out straight from the paper it's written on.......a pity you can"t borrow my son in law.....he"de be in his element!

00mam00 Thu 27-Jul-17 13:05:20

My DH and future SIL were both so nervous about giving speeches at our DD's wedding that they did the speeches before the meal, so that they could relax and enjoy the food and wine.

I have given many talks and lectures and found that saying it out loud when home alone got me used to the sound of my own voice and helped to time the presentation.