Gransnet forums


To worry about dying alone

(160 Posts)
Sourcerer48 Fri 11-Aug-17 10:51:58

I live alone with my dog in a housing complex.
Although I pass the time of day with my neighbours, I dont really know any of them well.
My worry is dying alone with no-one knowing about it.
My son and his family live in New Zealand (13 hours ahead of the UK) and I only speak to them on Skype once every couple of weeks.
Do other Gransnetters share this worry and does anyone have practical suggestions on how to overcome this very real fear?
It also horrifies me to think of my dog locked in the house with no way to get out!

BlueBelle Fri 11-Aug-17 17:45:24

Annsixty my dad used to ring mums best friend every Saturday at a certain time ( after mum had Alzheimer's and couldn't) One Saturday he rang a number of times with no answer it was so out of character as they always had the weekly chat at the same time He rang me worried, I suggested he rang the local police as she was a vulnerable adult The police went to her house and found she had fell and broken her pelvis. If you are really worried that might be a way to go

My daughter rings every day to check on me and has asked me to no longer put the chain on the front door at night which I ve now stopped doing

annsixty Fri 11-Aug-17 17:57:40

I will ring tomorrow and then consider my options.
I have no real connection apart from friendship and concern.
I dont know how my concerns would be met.
I have only met Ruby on my hospital visits but feel a real kinship with her and her circunstances.

Ambergirl Fri 11-Aug-17 18:21:03

I agree with other suggestions here. Do you have a friend or relative that you could just give 2 rings or a text to once a day at a set time and if they don't hear from you that is a sign they should check? That worked well for my Mum. There were a couple of times she was unwell, didn't have a mobile and could not get out of bed, so the fact the phone did not ring 3 times alerted us to go and check on her. Your fear is not at all unreasonable though....Do hope you manage to sort something and feel more reassured.

Eglantine19 Fri 11-Aug-17 18:42:28

I got a Fitbit a few weeks ago and it monitors my heart rate and sleep patterns. It links to my ipad to give me a daily summary. Surely it must've possible to link it to a computer in a centre that would sound an alarm if the heart rate went down to nothing. Or something along those lines anyway.

RosemarySuperager Fri 11-Aug-17 18:45:02

Is it possible to try to strike up a conversation with neighbours?

I know it can be very hard to pluck up the courage to do that. It feels fiercesomely scary! I've recently set myself the challenge of talking to a stranger every day. It's led to some great conversations, really interesting. And after a while it's not so hard to make yourself do it.

Stansgran Fri 11-Aug-17 18:48:21

Perhaps we could use mick with his good morning routine. If you don't checkin with a good morning then hq could alert people.

Smileless2012 Fri 11-Aug-17 19:06:04

Do let us know when you've managed to get hold of Ruby ann and that she's OK.

M0nica Fri 11-Aug-17 19:29:57

annesixty, that does sound worrying is Rubyladiy's son around? He will not be back at university yet and may be living at home at the moment.

Jalima1108 Fri 11-Aug-17 19:45:00

Oh dear, that sounds so far removed from our world but then I started to think.
Is it possible to try to strike up a conversation with neighbours? I know it can be very hard to pluck up the courage to do that

However - although we're friendly with the neighbours would anyone notice if we didn't appear for two or three days? I'm not sure.

Jalima1108 Fri 11-Aug-17 19:46:01

annsixty have you managed to contact ruby yet?

annsixty Fri 11-Aug-17 19:53:00

Not yet. Her S did go back to Aberystwith last week but was expected back.
Maybe they have gone out.
I will try again tomorrow.

annsixty Fri 11-Aug-17 20:32:40

I have just had a reply to the PM I sent to Ruby.
She is not well at all and has been in bed or at least in her room for several days.
Her S is on his way home and will be home this evening.
I am sure she must have felt very vulnerable and alone these last few days. She will feel more assured with someone in the house.
This all points to the OP and how we need a safety net as we get older although actually Ruby is only 53 but in the same situation.
Thank you on her behalf for your concern .
As has been said before GN at its best.

PamelaJ1 Fri 11-Aug-17 20:39:58

i am sure that my mum was talking about a device that can link a kettle to a phone or tablet. I'm seeing her tomorrow so will ask her. One of her friends is linked up to her son and he gets a message when she uses her kettle in the morning.

Norah Fri 11-Aug-17 20:58:26

annsixty, You are a good friend and brilliant at followup.

rubylady Fri 11-Aug-17 21:08:26

Hi all, thank you all for your concern, but I am fine and I have been fine the last few days too.

I am more achy than normal, blocked sinuses but also, my head is running on hare speed while my body is at tortoise speed and I have been overdoing things, thinking I'm ok when I'm obviously not. It's going to take some time to recover so I took myself up to my room for some peace and quiet and rest, missing the phone ringing. I didn't know or expect a phone call. That's all there was to it. I'd have had more problems with my heart if I'd had the police turning up when my son's not here yet. That's my worst nightmare!

I know this was all done through concern but I have next door's number if I do need anything or if anything is wrong and they have helped me in the past. They do make sure I am ok regularly, as does my son. We speak daily. He should be walking through the door very soon.

It will be nice to catch up properly with him, have hugs and to just be together. So I'm fine, thanks again for your concern. This could have been put on a more cheerful thread. Now I'm off to see my boy back. Take care all. X

annsixty Fri 11-Aug-17 21:21:04

I feel rather foolish ?not my usual stance have to say.

Auntieflo Fri 11-Aug-17 21:23:57

Annsixty, bless your heart, you are a hood friend to have. Take care of yourself.

Auntieflo Fri 11-Aug-17 21:24:52

That should have read, 'you are a Good friend to have'

aggie Fri 11-Aug-17 21:38:44

Oh Anne , you were not in the least foolish , just concerned

rubylady Fri 11-Aug-17 21:41:03

I've just checked my landline phone and Ann rang three times within twenty minutes and then posted on here, yesterday it was twice within forty minutes. Maybe the calls should have been at reasonable intervals throughout the day and left posting on a thread unless no answer to PM after a couple of days. I appreciate the concern but last week I was out two days on the trot and feel slightly baffled at being checked up on, not something I'm used to or like. Sorry, but I've had four years of being poorly, keeping myself to myself and I enjoy it now. I was just upstairs, having some time just me and my Maggie, enjoying the peace. I didn't think for one minute that everyone was panicking because I live alone and I should be worrying about dying alone. I'm thinking of living. To the full as I can. I might have health problems but I'm a long time off being old. I'm shocked by this and taking some time away from posting on threads. X

annsixty Fri 11-Aug-17 21:51:13

I will also leave off posting for a while.
Ruby is not the only one shocked.

aggie Fri 11-Aug-17 21:56:41

I must confess to being shocked too !

Auntieflo Fri 11-Aug-17 22:07:05

Me too

Charleygirl Fri 11-Aug-17 22:08:51

I am shocked at this uncalled for reaction.

annsixty Fri 11-Aug-17 22:13:32

Can we draw a line under this now please.
I have obviously upset Ruby, there is nothing more to be said.