To worry about dying alone

Ann you were being caring and a very good friend. No need for regrets. Your behaviour is commendable. One does panic if one is concerned about someone and can't get an answer.

Sorry Ann. Crossed posts

Dear Ann, so upset for you, you have been a good and very kind friend. Carry on posting, you have more than enough to cope with and we would all miss you so much x

Ditto Ann please keep posting. At least you know who you friends are now (((hugs)))

Not nice to have your friendship thrown back in your face, keep posting Ann.

Ann

Don't go annsixty

We know how much you have put yourself out to be a good friend and it is fairly reasonable to worry about someone who has been ill if you can't get hold of them.

ruby I think annsixty was just very concerned - perhaps not the best thread but I think worrying about someone who has been through what you have and who is living alone is understandable.

I hope this will soon be forgotten

I can only think that ruby has forgotten how alone and frightened she felt when she first went into hospital and there was nobody in the outside world it seemed to care or keep her in touch with her online GN friends. It is easy when things have improved to forget how much you appreciated the support of others or take it for granted.
I am sorry it has been necessary to be so judgemental of ann and indeed hurtful.
Nobody is talking old as such on his thread, but how to ensure that those of us who live alone in an increasingly isolated or compartmentalised society can ensure we do not miss a person's non appearance with potentially tragic consequences. My next door neighbour who has 2 friendly little boys, recently went back to work with the result that we now rarely see each other in passing. She was shocked to learn that paw had been in hospital for 5 weeks.
A man I know well and used to meet on the bedtime dog walk when I had Grace lives just across the green from us. I met his wife outside the café at MKH and was horrified to hear he was also in hospital with liver cancer and this is in a village where people know each other, goodness knows what it could be like in a city.
So let's not be impatient with those who care, not choke off friendly overtures for whatever reason.
Maggie and all dogs instinctively know this for a truth. If you bite the hand that feeds you, you may end up going hungry.

Now I'm upset that all this has made me look bad when I had no idea it was happening.

Would anyone else like it if they had the police turn up just because the phone wasn't answered in a twenty and fifty minute gap?

Yes I am annoyed. I like to be private, Ann knows that. I don't want to be talked about on here when I don't know about it.

I do appreciate everything that everyone has done or said but that shouldn't mean that I can't be upset with anyone on here because you have all been so lovely.

Apart from Anya who has something against me, always has and tends to say nasty things about me, no good wishes at my operation time but plenty to say here. It's water off a ducks back Anya.

Ann I'm sorry to upset you. I haven't heard off the hospital and to be honest, I'm not in a good place to be going back just yet, it was too awful an experience to even go through the door. Thank you for your kind offer to come with me but even thinking about going to any medical person makes me feel sick. It's a wonder I get to Warfarin clinic. Part of today's problem, just wanting to be on my own, with Maggie and my bed. Please don't put anything else about me on here unless I know about it. And don't worry about me please, I'm fine. Sorry again. X

It seems like I'm wasting my time trying to explain, I've now just been classed as nasty when that isn't the case at all. Goodness, am I not allowed some time to myself?

I'm going, goodbye.

I'm not being called a liar.

I've forgot nothing MawBroon, nothing. I've said so often enough.

Goodbye all, and thanks to most. Xxx

I really have stirred up a hornet's nest and I am sorrier than I can say.
I did not talk about Ruby behind her back and can assure her I had no intention of calling the police. I knew she was back in contact with her son and that he would act if necessary. I did not like to think she was ill with no-one knowing.
I had told her by PM that I had posted that I was worried about her.
No-one showed anything but concern for her.
I know now that it was all misplaced, I am very sad and sorry for the problem I have unwittingly caused and hope Ruby reconsiders and comes back when she is in a better place.

With all respect, I find it hard to see annsixty subjected to such criticism for being caring and concerned.
Despite her own massive burdens she took the time to put "virtual" online friendship into practice and visit someone in hospital.
Where has there been any mention of police at the door?
We live in a society these days which is criticised for being too insular, for not caring for our neighbour, for living behind closed doors and where we know people can be isolated and lonely.
I am not surprised some people are unwilling to get involved, fearing rejection and criticism.
Sourcerer has summed it up well from her point of view and many who live alone without family nearby recognise her situation.
But what happens when a "good neighbour" if their concern or friendship is rejected in such a cruel way.
There's more than one sort of loneliness I think,

Very interesting! Yes, I think I once made a suggestion that Ruby didn't like. Seems she holds grudges and didn't like my saying to Ann that she now knows who her friends are.

I stand by that remark.

As for berating me for not wishing her well re her operation. Has she no thought to what's going on in other people's lives?

annsixty

Goodness, to see concern and friendship dismissed in such a way after so much support ..... I'm lost for words.

On the subject of "being missed"
Some other GN members and I were accustomed to daily posts on FB from our late freind Greatnan
I noticed she hadn't posted for a couple of days, flagged it up with someone who had her email address and that of her daughter in New Zealand(?) mobile number etc and she followed it up. Long story short - she had set off on one of her trademark walks/hikes in the mountains where she lived in France but had not been seen or heard since. Mobile worked for a day or so but after raising the alarm locally, gaining entry to her flat to make sure she wasn't ill at home, posting pictures of her and her car on FB and another GN member who lived in Switzerland getting personally involved, the car was found, a search area identified and sadly her body was found a few days later. It seems she had fallen and (one hopes) been killed outright.
My point is that we had noticed the silence and acted on it.
There might have been an "innocent" explanation, broadband down, having a lie-in, a fall in the house, stuck in bed -anything OR by raising the alarm as soon as we had realised things weren't right she MIGHT have been found in time if the fall had been less severe.
So annsixty you were totally right to feel and express concern as would any of us be in a similar position.
And if it were me laid up with norovirus or at the foot of the stairs with a broken hip and unable to reach a phone I would be bl**dy grateful!
I hope nobody is put off taking some action (discreet, not the Sweeney!) if they fear someone who lives alone might be in distress.

Such a interesting thread although it certainly shows that not all well meant gestures are received with grace. Don't disappear Annsixty - we may be able to sort out something which helps for everyone.

I may ramble a little but forgive me. I have seen a couple of things I hope I can add to. First, if you are thinking getting an alarm (pendant round neck or wrist one) do see if your local authority will do this for you. You may be required to have an assessment of need but that can be positive in itself. These alarms do not just come as press-button ones. My mother has a 'fall' alarm which does have the press button but will go off if she falls. They changed to this after a TIA so having had something which caused you to fall might be entry into the system. There are other alarms but we seem to be talking about mainly comparatively well people who may just be unexpectedly ill or die without anyone knowing.

Do think about a key safe. (note to self - listen to your own advice). It is very expensive if a door has to be broken into by the police. If you are changing your locks at any point you can (it's a bit expensive) have a lock which can be used from the outside even if the keys are still in the door. Very good if you are becoming forgetful.

My last thought is it should be possible for some sort of system - on line? - to be set up where you can 'log in' (?) at a specific time each day and a message could be sent to an 'in case of emergency' person if you don't. Is this something GNHQ could look into for us - or should we be sending a letter to the Guardian?

So sorry for you Ann, everyone (apart from one) here can see that you acted with the very best intentions, and it could have been a very difference story. Then she'd have been glad of your concern. Such ingratitude and a short memory.

I really hope you stay, please don't beat yourself up about this.

Best wishes.

How long ago did Greatnan die please? I recognise her name . GN did a great job there. Very sad she died though. About how old was she?

I think Greatnan died October 2013, doing what she loved. This thread has brought her back to my mind too. That was Gransnet at its best! This linked thread remembers her a year after her death.
www.gransnet.com/forums/genealogymemories/a1211287rememb?msgid=25367845

I dont know if this is still available, but when my Mum was alive she had a free telephone call morning and evening from one of the charities for older people, I think it was Age UK. The call was, in theory, to remind her to take her medication following a spell in hospital, but she had a good memory and was perfectly capable of remembering herself. She wanted the call so that someone was checking twice a day that she was still alive and kicking (she refused to 'bother the family'. Mum had a little dog and was as worried about the dog suffering as her. It worked well and when she didnt answer the phone one day, the service contacted her pre-arranged emergency person, which was my brother living about half an hour away, so he could go round and check on her.

We have a family member who lives alone and he 'rents' his lounge to a friend who is a therapist two days a week so that he knows someone will be coming to the house.
I phone my mother every morning and later in the day but we have put Find Friends on her phone as well. Unfortunately it often shows her to be a mile from her house in the middle of the night which we know is impossible.

I expect it but it doesn't bother me. I would prefer it to dying in hospital. I expect to be found when someone breaks in because I haven't paid a bill. I am 65 and I find the idea of being in my 90s and having to cope more scary than what happens at the end.

I posted before reading through the thread (I won't do that again). I cannot see what the comments have to do with the OP. Very confusing.