Would I see my first grandchild if my son won't?

Definitely a paternity test.

This young lady seems to be caught up in a sorry cycle - problem Mums bringing up problem children and so on ad infinitum. This poor child is going to need all the support it can get from all family and friends, and if the child proves to be his, them hopefully you can have some role to play.

Can you get your son off to the local drug service? - will he play ball with that?

I do feel for you - it is tough when our children let us down despite our best efforts.

Poor you Idris you sound as if you ve done what you can but I agree with the last poster have a DNA done in case you end up paying for someone else's child

Newbie here hope you don't mind my saying but are you sure the baby is you sons? This girl seems to have gone very quickly into the next relationship.

My thought is that you should make sure both of your grandchild's parents know that you will be there for support when needed. You never know how things will work out.
It is possible that the baby will provide the wake up call for one or both that they so badly need. It does sometimes happen that the responsibility of a helpless oblivious child brings the parents to change their ways.
I hope it all works out for you, the teenagers and, above all, for the baby.

Thanks for your feedback.

Hes the youngest of my three sons, and please believe me, I explained to all of them in excruciating detail all about ovulation, menstrual cycles, conception, contraception.....the absolute works. I even offered to take him to the family planning clinic to get condoms but was soundly rebuffed with his affronted retort of "Ive got this, alright!?!' They both liked to party hard, and obviously knew it all.

We have had some blazing rows, and tearful sobbing talks at 3am about this.

Ive advised him to accept the situation (prospect of multiple step dads/access difficulty/situation out of his control) for the benefit of his child. And for him to GROW UP and become a Dad this child can be proud of (unlike my ex husband who walked out 15 years ago and never looked back)

And regarding her family, Ive never met them. Her mum had her at 16 and shes had mutiple step fathers...

I'm sure if you are quietly supportive, and offer help when needed, then its possible.
I have a friend in the same situation as you, and she sees her little granddaughter.

Its so sad reading about children having children and the mess they leave in the wake of things,your son needs to find the courage to talk to his x about the situation in a calm manner let her know the support is available from your side if she needs it,my elsest son has always supported his DD and she has always been a part of our lives its been difficult over the years but she is a well grounded lovely girl with support from both sides of her family so it is possible for things to work out amicabily

As you have no prior relationship with the baby any contact will be at the discretion of the mother unless your son and I was your contact on his parenting time. Your best bet to have any relationship is to tell your son to grow up and take responsibility for his actions.

I do believe grandparents have some rights of access now. Citizens advice will be able to tell you & also offer practical help .good luck. It's won't be easy but he needs to get off the drugs , there is also help available for that plus a big kick up the bottom from a lovely caring Mum

I really don't want this to sound harsh but at 19 why wasn't he using protection you really can't rely on a girl who has already had two terminations by the age of 19 to be the responsible one I hope you have a good heart to heart about the necessity of condoms for infection as well as pregnancy for any future girlfriends
But the deed is done I would also think a paternity test is needed then you will have to support in whatever way they want or need taking your lead from you son
Get him some help for the weed too if you can

This is very difficult to answer. My first reaction was that the girl will welcome some financial support but a fatherhood test might be a good idea.
You will really have to be patient and try to support your son who is coping with a situation beyond him at the moment. Then you have to follow him what he does. If its his child and the baby is there then you can go along and be Gran but if he declines anything to do with the child then you can't do anything - except pay out.

What about the girl's parents? Would you be able to meet up with them and discuss it, or is it impossible at the moment.