To think my daughter shouldn't do this?

See them through Uni?
And what if they decide to do Masters? Doctorates? Second Degrees? Gap Years? Changes of mind on degree choices?
Where does it end? My children are my absolute world and I would put their health and well being above everything.
But this is ridiculous. He's been very patient. But what if he looks at this and says I can't live with this level of animosity.
She loses out.
Doesn't meet anyone else. Then the children eventually do leave and live their own lives and who does she have?
Will they then reciprocate and revolve their lives around her demands? I bet his potential future wife would love that.

We have had two Similar experiences in our family.
A cousin's husband unexpectedly passed away at a young age leaving two young teenagers.
The daughter was particularly close to her father and did everything to prevent her mother finding another partner.
Result...
Mother now 70+ has lived a a very lonely life.
Daughter leading a full life with a partner.

The other was a couple who divorced when DD was a baby.
The daughter would or could not accept that her parents would never be reunited.
When her father remarried the daughter by now in her early 20s took an overdose and ended up in hospital.
She thankfully pulled through.
What came out of it was that she had counseling and is now working through her issues.

I think its easy just to dismiss an adult child's issues re a new partner and say they should 'grow up'.

I would rather the daughter finished raising all her children without bringing in a partner. To me the partnership can just continue as it is until the children are through uni.

But it's not about a child free life is it necessarily. It's not an either/or ( or shouldn't be?). How do the two younger ones feel?

She's not abandoning her children Norah, she's not off on a year long cruise, leaving them to fend for themselves she's not run off with the milkman She is in a long term loving relationship with a very patient man she is GIVNG her children, a potential step father (which hundreds of people do every day) and making sure they stay in their own home in familiar surroundings OP has said they will be better off financially there is absolutely nothing in any of her posts to suggest this man and her daughter are anything other than genuinely nice people She has even seen her eldest through university and he's come back like a bad penny to the comfort of his mum
Selfish young man and grandma is encouraging him in this selfishness
Like you Bobbity I feel angry for this long suffering mum and hopes she finds the happiness she deserves

I hope you assured her that she's doing the right thing. That his behaviour to her has been disgusting and it's good that he's growing up and becoming independent.

And then turned it into a positive about how exciting the next chapter of her child free life is going to be.

A bit muddly towards the end. Sorry. Shows how het up I am!

I don't see it as putting anyone above anyone Norah. The other children might be happy for their mum -as anyone would be for someone they love. The OPs grandson has been uncaring about his mother and her happiness from the start. Now he's escalated his demands for control. Where will in end? And the OP wants her daughter to give in rather than endure his tantrums. If everyone bows down to him there'll be another demand and another. The daughter needs to make a stand and the OP should support her and stop making her selfish worries about not seeing as much of her grandson to one side.
I don't usually rant like this but I realise how lucky I was that my children (and parents) thought my happiness in finding someone to love just added to theirs.

My daughter told me. She'd discussed it with him and he told her he would move out. She was upset.

Bibbity I couldn't agree more.

8 years as a single mum of 3 teenagers working a professional job. She deserves a really nice holiday imo.

So he's just a twat then.

What a selfish prat he is. I've actually got rage for this poor woman. I hope she slings him out on his ear and has multiple fantastic couples holidays with new man and walks around the house naked together!

Is there a reaon she can't wait until the 16 year old moves out? Why put anyone above all 3 children?

Well I agree with Petra if I were the DD I'd have packed his bags by now. You say he's been against this man for the whole 5 years? Time to grow up young man - the world doesn't revolve around you. And you should be supporting your DD not your spoilt self centred dgs- he sounds a right charmer who thinks he has every right to dictate how others should live their lives with no concern for their happiness - he'd move out tomorrow no doubt if it suited him.

Has your precious grandson told his mother of his intention to move out if her man friend moves in, or only you? If I were his mum I'd be giving him a piece of my mind about minding his own bloody business.

It's none of your business either, nannyone.

In answer to the OP, yes YABU
and so is snowflake DGS

I'd be packing his bags.

So he wants her to be alone for the rest of her life, never to have someone to live with (other than himself). To be free to go and make a relationship of his own in the knowledge that she is waiting there for him when he returns. It's not this particular man. It applies to any man. Surely you can see how unreasonable ( and slightly weird) this is?

Why are you looking after the children Nannyone?

They are quite old enough to look after themselves.

Bibbity

special snowflake

He's 22 - time to think about leaving home anyway.

He will fly the nest and so will the others and your DD will be left sad and lonely if DS1 has his way.

He can't give any reason apart from his mum shouldn't have another relationship because she's been married. He has never had anything to do with D's partner so the objections can't be personal to him really.

If you don't mind me asking Nannyone what issue/issues does your grandson have with your Daughters boyfriend?
Is he trying to protect your DD or/& siblings?
Or is it that he is a present the
'Man of the house'?

It's been helpful to hear other people's views.

I ve got the perfect solution grandson (22) can come and live with grandma then everyone is happy You two can grumble together about his mums awful decision to try and find some happiness

You're both being selfish

He lives at home, probably doesn't pay rent, can have his girlfriend to stay when he likes, can dictate who is in the house, he's never going to move out. How much longer should she wait?