Last moments

RetiredRGN - You clearly didnt read my posts properly. A young person aged 19 is dead. I have a life long condition without cure.
It also should be noted that the three different hospitals are now cloased dowm. The hospital which treated and gave end of life care to a much older relative with all care and kindness is still operational.
There is to be a full inquiry and inquest into a death on the same ward as my relative was on.
Finally were you there with me through 25 years of caring for my relatives? Did you see all that went on? Or are you attacking a poster in support of people you most likely do not know? That is inappropriate

RetiredRGN - Your response is exactly the attitude I have come to see as normal from nurses. You think that there is any possibility of being a carer for 25 years and I would have only perfectly mannered, kind and caring nurses in my line of vision.
I am aware that there have been good nurses but the conduct of THEIR bad colleagues overshadow any good nurses.
The patient was a person who was a life risker for the sake of others ad yes I expect that person to be treatd with good manners and decent conduct and not a Ward Sister wo claimed she would get a joiner to break into the house to make the discharge if I would not hand over the house keys. This was 2 months before death after 30+ years of having been retired on medical grounds.
Do tell me if you are proud to stand beside a nurse with that attitude.
I am for Dignitas rather than NHS.
We are each the sum total of our life experiences and that is the sum total of my expereince dealing with NHS.
I dare just fine now that I do not have to worry about one very sick relative.

They aren't all that great at our hospital, but then it has just been listed as one of the worst in the country (again) compassion is rather thin on the ground.

The older I get, the less I care what they say or do when I am gone. They know I don't like waste so they won't go for rosewood and brass handles and I hope if there is an obituary they remember that I made them laugh.

Regarding the NHS and nurses in particular, I was taken in to hospital last month and within three days had a lumbar puncture X-ray and MRI. The same investigations cost a small fortune in Australia say, or the US. The nurses were just great, same as when I spent two weeks there a few years ago. Some of my doctors score lower but 19 out of 20 nurses were just wonderful.

I mean sugarpuff fairy So pleased im retired and pity anyone who has to look after you in an NHS hospital with that attitude So i hope you dont end up in a bad accident where you need care

How dare you Sugarplumfairy tar all nurses with the same brush you sound so bitter and twisted in doing so Im horrified at your appalling attitude

Remember to do your 'Enduring Power of Attorney/s. End of Life Wants Wishes etc. Yes I am going to DIE! Space booked and paid for,in the local Green burial field.

I've decided that, as per my earlier posts, I will transition, after all. No one else in my family has done it and it sounds quite exciting.

I was with my dad when he died, as was my mum, brother & partner. Dad was pretty much unaware, I think. We didn't sit there morbidly peering at him but chatted, trying to include him, as I'd read that hearing is the last sense to go.

We didn't realise immediately when he died. His breathing had slowed down to one or two breaths a minute so we didn't recognise his final breath. That's 19 years ago this month.

Last piece of music at my friend's recent funeral was 'Thank you for being a friend' from the Golden girls. Lovely.

I think as long as I pass away peacefully without trauma, or having someone try to resuscitate me and I end up with painful broken ribs etc, etc that's all we can hope for, surely? I wouldn't want to die and not be found until weeks later in a terrible state of decomposition. This has taken a morbid turn for the worst. hasn't it? But it's a subject we need to think about I guess.

I was completely with Radicalnan (must research click & collect) until I read maryeliza's contribution. Now I 'm having a rethink. Drat! Thought I had it all sewn up. Guess I'll have to open the discussion yet again with offspring. Oh aye..........

Don't honestly care what someone puts in my obituary (it's not like I'll be around to read it!). I'd hope it was something nice like "loving wife, brilliant and funny Mum and Granny" but other than that, I don't care.

Contemplating having the song from The sound of music "so long, farewell..."

(or Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden...either would bring a smile to my daughter's face!).

I'lltellhim - Thank you for your comment. I was totally disgusted with the NHS and the way they treat patients and patients' families. You are absolutely right that I will say something. It is as a result of the years of stress that I now have an incurable conditon. Failed discharges and Hospital Acquired Infections were normalised. A doctor questioned my Medical Degree. He was told I dont have a degree in Medicine but I still knew better than him! My relative survived that ward and staff my friends' young relative died on that ward aged 19! There is a huge Inquiry about that.
Nurses want to learn some decent conduct and if that succeeds we can hope that they will then learn manners. Compassion is something which appears to be too much for them.
I live with a nurse on one side and a Dr on the other. As neighbours they are the worst I have ever had in over 40 years of home owning. There are another 2 nurses, a Dr. an NHS employee, and a Social Worker. It is one awful street. It is the People who live here who make it so.
I was my parents' carer for years. I would not like my children to be my carers as they are not as even tempered or polite as I am, They call a spade a spade. I dont want their blood boiled nor do I want them in trouble after having to deal with NHS staff failures
Everytime I see those notices about not abusing NHS staff I think the NHS should make sure their staff do nothing to need to be put right or abused.
I am bitter and with just cause. The stupidity of their conduct has led to me having to have medication and appointments for the rest of my life. Stupidity costs money!
I have researched Dignitas rather than years of NHS!

An emotive issue ! Of course your feelings are important but ... as maryeliza54 says, your loved ones feelings are vital here too as they will be the ones left dealing with their pain, and will have enough to cope with. Can you find a middle ground ?

pink I'm surprised and very disappointed to hear about your hospice nursing experience! How awful for you

Just a hunch, but my kids will probably disregard any final sage advice and wishes I have (nothing changes)

My sister and I had a discussion about who's funeral it was, when my mum died. She felt it was for others'; I felt it was my mums day.

"Your funeral, your rules"

I think the opposite. Whatever will make my family want. Whatever music, readings anything. My funeral will not be for me, it's for them.

My husband was amendment he wanted to die in a hospices not at home and by default that did happen. We were there with him but compassionate Nurses? Um in his case there were nurses but not compassionate nor warm. My wishes for my husband were different to his but I would have carried out anything he wanted but sadly neither of us had any control on it . Its not like a wedding that you can arrange and pick the venue. Your love ones will feel the pain no matter where it happens.

I don't see why not. My Mum wrote hers xxx

I really agree about all the euphemisms for dying and passed has to be the worst. It reminds me of A levels. When my DH had to find his final days in nursing care I was distraught at first but came to realise that leaving the professionals to do what they do best was better for him and left me a few precious days to go back to being his wife not his carer.

paddyann, you describe my mother's wishes, which of course we carried out. She requested donations to a named charity instead of flowers, and didn't want anyone to have the cost or trouble of maintaining a gravestone or memorial. Thoughtful and unselfish to the very last.

Exactly my mother's wishes, paddyann, which of course we have followed. She added that in lieu of flowers, she preferred donations to a named charity. No gravestone etc, because she didn't want to impose cost or time for others having to maintain it. Unselfish to the last.

Thistlerosel, from the other side of the world I salute your courage and send you the most heartfelt wishes for the safe and joyful delivery of a bundle of love and joy.

I was with both my parents when they died - mum very young from breast cancer and dad 25 years later from brain haemorrhage. Neither were conscious but I wanted to be with them as my last act of love as their daughter. It felt right and the (temporary) relief that they'd gone was uplifting. Years later and I'm sobbing writing this.