to treat 1 grandchild differently because she treats me different?

It's bad manners not to say thank you. They take it for granted that they don't have to - as if it goes without saying. No it doesn't.
One of my nephews got a little 'allowance' paid into an account from his grandparents (his parents see this on a bank statement), no thank you ever received. When it was stopped due to having to 'belt-tightening' they mentioned their disappointment. Cheeky wotsits!

I would be so upset if my grandchildren did that to me. I only gave 20.00 to my grand daughter for her exam results and got big kiss and hug and a thank you.

Hear hear Anya! Of course good manners are important and certainly not just something we "USED" to do. Maybe there is a socialising problem with this young lady - I definitely wouldn't leave her out - so maybe have a quiet word with her Dad to see if that's the case? Agree with others who say not to cause a rift.

It does seem that in this day and age with all the very quick ways of communication that it is often not used to thank someone for a gift they have been given and yet can spend hours communicating on social media with friends. I think it's up to the parents to let their children know that it's good manners to say thank you themselves: either in person or phone,text etc. How long does that take. Yes times have changed and not always for the better in some respects. No one expects their children to sit writing long drawn out thank you letters as my sister's and me had to do but an acknowledgement of a gift is plain good manners. I remember how my own children now in their 40s used to hate writing thank you letters. So I simplified it for them by buying pretty postcards....they just had to write a very short message of thanks to granny and granddad on the small space provided while I did the address. As I used to tell them....if you can,t be bothered to say thank you for a gift ...then you can,t complain if next time around they can,t be bothered to buy you one.

A gift of any description should always elicit a thank you.

Of course, we want to feel good about giving, but also want to feel the same about receiving a thank you.

I would personally go and seek out that young lady and ask her what plans she has for spending it, maybe.
Oh! And a thank you would be nice.

Of course a grandparent can tell children off! What on earth is wrong with that?

I often have my grandchildren for hours at a time, indeed occasionally for days at a time and regularly overnight. Am I supposed to allow them to act in an rude or unruly manner.

No way! It takes a village to rear a child as the old saying goes.

HOWEVER because I've always been able/allowed to discipline if necessary, I actually find I very rarely have to, because my grandchildren have been raised by their parents, and us, to be well mannered (they are 6,7,8 &11) and no, they're not little robots, but lovely & lively and a delight to have around.

Personally, it's not the "thank you for the whatever" that I like to have, but acknowledgement of receipt of the gift.
I recently sent DD a rather large sum of money for a specific purpose. She hasn't told me that it went into her account - although I have been debited. it is that that annoys me. her family is very bad at acknowledging receipt.
I have told the DGDs the story of my own grandmother proudly never sending us presents [we lived very far away] because "she had never received a word of thanks". In our case, we had no idea that we should have written to thank her, we were barely out of nappies. But it taught me a valuable lesson in adulthood.

I would be interested in why she does not come to see you, as well as why she conveys her thanks through a third party. As someone who struggles with social interaction and small talk, as well as the transactional nature of gift giving - I give gifts because I want to and to convey my appreciation of the person to whom I am giving, not to get thanks - I can understand how a young woman might avoid situations which put her under pressure. Of course, she might just as easily be a self-absorbed beat with a massive sense of entitlement. Have you taken the trouble to find out?

123kitty a good post.

It's never a good idea to accept any gifts from older relatives or anyone for that matter without showing your appreciation. I was given a beautiful doll by my aunt and I never thanked her, in fact I think I even left it behind after staying with her on holiday as I didn't like it. It was only years later that I realised that I was pretty ungrateful and whether I liked it or not wasn't that important, someone had tried to make me happy. Too late to thank her by then.

I think a thank you is very important - call me old fashioned - we are losing far too many of the behaviours that used to be considered 'right and proper' . I have a niece and nephew who I don't see very often now but have always treated them. At Christmas last year when I handed them a parcel personally they didn't even say hello, thank you or anything else - I was frankly astounded and it made me feel very cross. I shan't bother again. You don't give to receive but good manners cost nothing.

Thanks are very casual with the young nowadays. If you handed her the money and she said thank you to your face she will consider that thanks enough. If you passed the money via a member of the family you should have texted her and told her you had sent her a congratulatory gift and asked her to let you know what she might spend the cash on, get a rapport going with your GD, please don't just miss her out, that feels as though you are trying to teach her a lesson- not your job. They should say thanks, they often don't.

Rolande its not YOUR place to tell your grandchildren off,I would have been furious if any relative did that with mine and I certainly wouldn't tell off my grandchildren,they aren't MY children and it not up to me to interfere in how they are raised.My childrens gran isn't on social media ,she doesn't use a mobile phone ,she wont accept calls after 7.30pm she is out most days during the day at clubs and with friends.So she is happy for the children to send a msg through me ...different things work for different people

So far grandchildren, aged 11 and 2, say thank you in person. 1 yr old is too small but seeing him enjoy the toy and mum saying thank you is fine. His mum forgot when she had baby brain, either pregnant or post birth, and I asked what she did with the money and she said thank you and told me the jeans and top she got. Other daughter also forgets and is busy; 2 yr old, 11 yr old and full-time job, so I ask did she get the money, and then she says thank you.

How would you communicate with your gd? Can you ask what she got with the £100?

I think at 18 your granddaughter should have the courtesy to thank you herself. It's not difficult these days to send a text, email etc. I would certainly say something to my adult grandchildren if they didn't thank me. It doesn't have to cause a problem just a reminder to ask what they bought with your generous gift.
Busy lives, lack of time are just excuses.

I agree, lisalou, that good manners never go amiss. I should not have assumed that that goes without saying. My post was simply a perspective on the OP's dilemma.

From a different perspective, that of the eighteen year old, I would just say that there are people who, through no real fault of their own, find what are to most of us simple social communications very awkward and difficult to achieve. Is that a possibility with the GD, I wonder, and the reason her dad spoke for her?

At the end of the day it's not your job to teach her manners, in this case I would go on giving her the same as the others, out of respect to her father. She probably does feel grateful and one day may be able to express it.

I remember as a child and young person I had a problem thanking people. My parents used to have to nag me to say it and when I did it sounded grudging. I did FEEL grateful, but as time went on I had so much problem thanking people that I wished they wouldn't give me anything. I think in the end my parents gave up and did similar to this girl's father rather than have people with hurt feelings. Some years later after everyone had stopped pressuring me about it, I found I was able to show gratitude just like everyone else. Who knows what starts this "things" off.

Could it be possible that 18 Yr old asked her dad to say thank you for her?

This happened to me, I knew somebody was going to see the giver of a gift I had received. I said to them "say thanks to them for the gift for me please". Weeks later I was told off for not saying thanks as the person had said "oh thanks for Heather's present" as if they were thanking the giver on my behalf, rather than conveying my thanks.

Might sound pedantic but we all know from this forum how these things can br taken wrongly.

There is absolutely no doubt that you should be thanked GreenwoodGranny .
You are loving and generous.

Times are changing? Does that mean that manners go out the window? No! I tell my grand-children off even in front of their parents. That is what parents and grand-parents are for. To bring children up and good manners are a big part of it! Tell that grand-daughter that it is simply good manners to say thank you for a present, no need to tell her it upsets you. That is a different story!

She probably does not even realise how important a Thank you Gran" means to you. Perhaps you could approach her and personally congratulate hetr on her good marks, and then ask if she put the money to good use or is she saving it for something special.
It would be unfair to exclude her from your generosities. Who knows, she may turn out to be the grandchild who cares the most for her gran when you need a little extra love and care. You can also speak to the child's parent if it bothers you so much.

I am a laid back Nan, but would not accept one of my grandchildren not saying thank you. It's just the very basic rule of good manners and luckily my children have installed that firmly as I did with them. Hand any future gifts over personally, then it alleviates the issue, as face to face they would say thank you and with a hug too !

I have used the phrase 'thank you would be nice', it seems to work, parents do seem to think that they can do thanks on behalf of their chidren, not really good enough.

I have one grand daughter who thanks me beautifully for gifts and help received, it is very nice.

I think that it is a shame that her father gave thanks on her behalf because otherwise you could contact her and ask her if she received it and say that you were getting worried that she hadn't as you hadn't heard.
Maybe as he has chosen to be the communicator you can speak to him next time it is gift time and let him know that you are a bit reluctant to give to her as she didn't personally thank you. He may have told his daughter that he did that and she thinks it is ok or just hasn't thought any more about it at all.
Other than that, I wouldn't make too much of it. You don't know what is happening with her.