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AIBU to be horrified DD2 is going down the sperm donation route to be a single mother?

(79 Posts)
JulesT65 Fri 08-Sep-17 20:24:43


My DD2 is 27 and has been in her new house 2 years (first home) and has had 1 serious relationship in her lifetime, she had been with them since she was 16 and they were great together, he moved in after her being in her new place a year. She used to phone me very upset saying she loves him so much, but doesn't want to live with him. She explained that this was going to be a reoccurring problem for her (which I didn't think much of) and she later broke up with him, saying that since moving in, it was expected that they spent a lot of time together and I was very much, well eh, yeah! Anyway, she recently came out to me today that she is going to be using her savings for IUI treatment (I had no idea what this even was until I looked it up!)

She says she wants to separate a relationship with having children and that they are 2 separate things to her... I wasn't really getting it.

She plans on having her first at around 30, she says the treatment may not work straight away so wants to start the consultations, etc. now.

She has a good job (50k a year) which is more than me and her dad brought up 3 children on, so I'm not worried about that, but I am worried about the decisions she is making.

It seems very odd to me to separate an intimate relationship and having a baby, as without all modern day science, it wouldn't happen..........

I spoke to a friend about it who has a daughter who is going through IVF (with her husband) so it's completely different and probably shouldn't have asked, as she said I should be happy I'm going to have a grandchild, but I do already have 2 (from DD1) so it's not like I can focus on having a grandchild at the end.

I suppose I'm hoping other nannies see where I am coming from... It's not something you wish for your child, is it? It sounds a very lonely life. She has always been like this, never enjoyed going out with friends as a teen, but was never depressed, etc. it was just her personality.

She has said in no way does she expect any childcare help from me, but of course I have told her to not be silly. I would obviously love the child as much as my other GC and want to look after them, etc. but I'm just finding it all odd and hard to process.

vampirequeen Sat 16-Sep-17 11:10:24

I think your DD has thought this through. She wants a child but doesn't feel the need to live with a man to have one. There are couples who live in separate homes....a couple were on the TV the other day who do just that. She's just taking it one step further and cutting out the relationship side.

As to the child knowing it's father. I guess your daughter will have thought this through and will be honest with the child. The child will not grow up wondering why his/her father doesn't love him/her but will know that he/she was so wanted by his/her mother that she chose to have a baby.

watermeadow Sun 17-Sep-17 18:10:40

Too many assumptions that a child needs a father and he will be loving and caring.
When I told my children that I was divorcing their father one said, "Thank God. Why didn't you do it years ago?"
We were far happier without him.

seasider Sun 24-Sep-17 09:17:26

I understand Watermeadow but at least your children know who he is good or bad. The worst part of not knowing is the loss of identity (like the missing piece of a jigsaw) I was very much loved as a child but grew up in an age where not having a dad was shameful.