Other people's parties

Yes, I feel exactly like you do....to the point when I have lost one acquaintance...but I'm not bothered too much...as she is a "keep up with the Jones's type of person". She had a dinner party 2 christmases ago which my husband and I were forced to go to with other friends of mine....it was the most boring boring evening we ever had to sit through, while she and her husband sat and talked about themselves. Their youngest daughter then proceeded to tell us all about her wedding arrangements, encouraged on by her parents....the crux of it was she didn't even have a boyfriend at the time!!!! Haven't seen them since, even though they live across the road!! Like you I am happy with my family parties, but uncomfortable at any others.

The poem by Wendy Cope just about sums up parties for me - they are agony!

'I don't go to parties. Well, what are they for,
If you don't need to find a new lover?
You drink and you listen and drink a bit more
And you take the next day to recover.'

I find it really hard to hear what anyone is saying above the din,, and generally have a headache when I get home. We avoid parties these days- I prefer a glass of wine and catching up on recorded programmes - what a bore. Come to think of it I believe the title of the poem is something about being boring - that's me.

I am just plain bored at parties. I just make an excuse and the invites eventually stop.

Well, I think I've just discovered I'm the only one, Musicelf. The only one here that enjoys a party, that is!

Don't any of you enjoy dressing up, catching up with people you haven't seen for ages, and most important of all, dancing??

But for goodness' sake, if you don't want to go, be honest about it. Nobody would care if you'd just say it's not your sort of thing. One of my family is an introvert and hates parties, so we know she won't come to any. It's no big deal, is it?

I've just joined Gransnet, my first is due at the end of the year, so forgive me if I haven't yet mastered the abbreviations. I have joined a group to chat and learn and my first chat is about my anti social ways!

I really empathise, I never liked big gatherings and used to grit my teeth and join in, but now I don't, I haven't got the courage to be honest, and wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I do make excuses. I have lots of friends and meeting for a cuppa or lunch is nice but I feel self conscious and awkward at parties. And this time of year is the worst with xmas on its way. Being single doesn't help, lovely, well meaning friends and family issue invitations and how do I say no thanks. I have a couple of neighbors who are the same and xmas evening we get together and have a good laugh about it, having pretended we already have plans, and how we worry about getting found out.

I'm with MawBroon on this. Agree with you entirely.

Totally agree with MawBroon, no idea so many others felt the same way. Never invited to any parties nowadays so no longer a problem but even smallish gatherings have the same effect on me.

Do you get asked to a lot of parties? One or two a year doesn't seem so bad but more than that and I think I may run out of conversation. You say that your hubby goes off to socialise - so what do you do? Would you feel happier if he stayed by your side, is it a lack of self-confidence, or do you really have nothing to say to other guests? When you work this out you can decide what to do - but don't feel obliged to go. One thing you might consider is doing half the party. Book a table for yourself and hubby in a nearby restaurant, put it an appearance for the first hour and satisfy your friend, and then leave for quiet time with hubby.

I don't get why everyone's supposed to like parties-or other forms of socialising.n I've never liked parties and have only ever gone if there's been absolutely no choice. I wouldn't give it a second thought if you don't want to go-and if you say that it's just because you hate parties and they're offended, it's their problem, not yours. There's more to life....

Welcome to Gransnet, GrannyParker!

But how do you say, no thanks? Just say no thanks! If you make up excuses, your friends will just keep inviting you to their parties. They're being considerate towards you after all, thinking you want to come. I actually think it's strange that so many people think it's acceptable, or even funny, to make up silly excuses and keep lying to their friends like this.

I can understand now as I struggle to hear and often find you have to stand for long periods but everybody I know has luckily given up on parties and moved to lunch, coffee, I am sure this is partly to do with the fact that half the party can't have anything to drink as they are driving and we are all getting on a bit for long car journeys. Love family get togethers no problem as somebody has already said ask a question and sit back and let them talk amazing what family stuff comes out.

Life is short. And as the 70's song says You can't please everyone so you gotta please yourself good friends will get over it let the others fade away
Good luck with that

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have spent year's trying to avoid office parties and any other type of work gathering. What a relief now I'm retired! I also try and avoid any gathering unless it's family or one to one with a close friend. I've always found 'conversation ' with acquaintances very stressful. The only drawback is in retirement it would be lovely to meet a few more couples to have a laugh with and exchange views.

I'm sticking my neck out here but from talking to close friends and family I believe most people feel uncomfortable meeting new people and would really prefer to opt out. There appears to be one or two people around that love parties and 'friends' go out of politeness.

When I have had to go to work gatherings in pubs/restaurants I have always found I couldn't hear what was being said, except for the person either side of me. I would spend the whole evening struggling to hear and find it exhausting. I'd end up just smiling and laughing when everyone else did. Over the years I've spoken to quite a number of people who tell me they too cannot hear what is being said and they too laugh when every one else is. Seems to me there are a lot of gatherings where no one really knows what's being said!

I have also read about how many people have had a dog and it's changed their lives - enabled them to get out of the house and actually talk to some one. Not only was the dog a conversation opener but it also gave them confidence, a bit like taking a good friend with them. They didn't feel so vulnerable.

I truly believe most people feel anxious be it at parties or even at the school gates picking up the children but we hide it. May be it's a subject that needs highlighting and we wouldn't feel so anxious. We always get the impression that it's a minority that feels like this when really it's most of us.

hello Granny Parker..............

The dog and I have a soiree every evening so unfortunatley are unable to attend parties.

I am relieved to find I am not alone in this issue.My late husbands business involved the usual retirement events, presentations and Christmas dinners etc.I dreaded these events.
What to wear but mainly scrutinising and comments from other wives/partners.
At one particular gathering the M.D came to me saying' Hello my dear !!!! go and join the ladies'
Red rag to a bull How dare he..
Apart from my own DH retirement needless to say I politely declined any other invitations.

!

That was to radicalnan!

I don't like parties either and prefer to see friends individually and I choose my friends carefully. I don't like alcohol and find some people drink too much if the booze is free and most of the conversation is inane so I avoid spending time with people who are so boring they need a drink to be animated. The only good thing about parties is the free food!

I used to love big social events when I was younger but DH hates them so if we have to go to one I spend all my time stressing about if he is ok, which ruins it for me.

What a good idea Musicelf!

Yes, why don't you all get together and have a big party!

Judging by the comments you're far from being alone.....and here was me (and you) thinking I was the only miserable sod around. I don't enjoy them. The stress of finding something to wear, getting ready and turning up far outweighs the enjoyment I get in going. I dislike weddings, find that as far as weddings are concerned everyone is trying to outdo everyone else and I usually end up talking, up a corner, to someone else who equally dislikes social occasions. I have become worse as I've aged, though I've always been this way inclined. I now tell people that although I love their company, I dont enjoy social gatherings and the friends and relations I have recognize this and except me for who I am.

Thank you for your post. I feel less weird now! I find socialising really intimidating. I recently turned down a wedding invitation because I couldn't face it. I'm fine with family things, but the way I feel at other parties is horrible. I worry for weeks and don't enjoy a minute of it. At 65 I've started saying I can't attend. When I worked I had to go to Christmas parties and often stayed in the toilet because I was so uncomfortable. I remember my mother forcing me to go to things, and to join organisations because she could see how shy I was. It didn't help.

Well I really had no idea. Always thought it was just me. I am very shy but actually find it easier as I get older, possibly because I don't worry as much what people think of me.

My problem when I worked was team building meetings/days. I was fine with a few people who I knew well but oh my goodness how I suffered in a larger group worrying what was ahead.