Other people's parties

The only party I ever enjoyed was a fancy dress party that I attended as Mr Grumpy and was encased in a large blue cardboard box. I recall dancing round the living room and having a fun time. I can chat to people on trains or buses, or when out walking the dog but social occasions terrify me. I know one is supposed to ask people about themselves but I get so nervous I just suffer from verbal diarrhea. One night, prior to that worst of all social occasion, the works do, I had a message from a Dr Who mad internet chum which said 'Brave heart, Tegan'. I say that to myself now at times of social terror. Mind you; can't remember the last time I went to a party.....

Ive hated parties all my life. Im very severe ill with a lot of chronic health probelms.Me and hubby , are isolated by this.
I had to take early retirment at 44.
And all people ever want to talk abt is "what do you do".I always felt because of my declinning health and situation like i was a freak.They go on and on abt their jobs careers full lives and i just didnt fit ib anywhere any more I felt the whole thing was tirture to me

I do think that it may depend on what you mean by 'parties' and maybe even what you mean by 'friends'.
Marnie - I am glad that you have found somewhere you can be supported.

I am not normally invited to 'show off' types of parties. The ones I go to are good friends or family. They often want my help with the food or the washing up.
When I give a party, if a friend can't come, I don't worry about it, but if someone told me they weren't coming because they didn't like parties, I might feel a bit let down.

Not sure if this is helpful but:

Make your host aware of any disability / problems, and if need be, then the invitation down gently by saying 'my hearing at the moment makes parties uncomfortable'

Offer to hand round food or be a helping hand for someone with a disability, small child etc.
Offer to make tea & coffee - often hosts are busy, and guests who are not drinking appreciate it. BTW I would certainly axe anyone who made non-drinker feel uncomfortable and 'spiking' is unforgiveable.
Help clear away, offer to help wash up.
No-one is in the slightest bit bothered about what you are wearing.
The 2 standbyes are 'have you come far' and 'how do you know host'. Both of these give opportunities for shared experiences to chat about.
And as Eleanor Roosevelt is supposed to have said 'no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent'

If that doesn't help, then turn down invitations, but don't expect people not to mind!

I am glad I am not alone here. I used to love parties, but not any more, we dont live in the UK and here parties are always sitting down ALL evening, making conversation with people who are totally self absorbed and are not in the slitest interested in anyone else, they are so boring I loathe having to go to anything like that, I enjoy my family or inviting a couple at a time home for a chat and a meal, but would rather just mingle instead of sitting in one place all evening.

Margsus, I hope your party went well! I'm sure the vast majority of us in real life appreciate the effort a host puts in to trying to ensure their friends have a good time, and are pleased to be invited.

Worst I ever went to was at not very close friends we hardly saw any more, who lived a fair drive away. Dh was away, so I had to grit teeth and go alone.
Room was full of people I didn't know at all - hosts busy in the kitchen.
I made a valiant effort at small talk with one couple - it was near Christmas so relatively easy to make an effort - with bright glued on smile...
'Have you done your Christmas shopping yet?'
'Yes.'
'Are you going away for Christmas?'
'No.'
And so on - absolutely no 'throwing the ball back' - it was a bloody nightmare.
Thank heavens, after about an hour of similar efforts, ONE other person I knew showed up - but I'd been all ready to make an excuse and sod off home.

Rather older and wiser now, I would politely turn down an invitation to do like that anyway - that is, one where I'm pretty sure I'll know virtually nobody and it's likely to be hard work.

With me, it's a matter of whether or not it's an important occasion (wedding, etc) for someone I'm closed to, if I'll know many people there, and/or if I enjoy socializing with these people. I can enjoy a good party, but only if I'm comfortable there. If it's not an important event for a loved one or bff or I'm not going to have fun, then I just don't go anymore. When I was younger, I felt obliged to accept any party invitation I was available for (don't know why). But now, I feel life is shorter and I shouldn't spend my time at events that mean nothing to me or that I don't enjoy. So I understand your turning down invitations, Calypso.

Have you tried telling your friends you "don't do parties, anymore," period? They might not "understand," but it would only require one conversation (ok, maybe one argument). After that, if they still invite you and object when you decline, you can just say, "We've been over this. You know I don't do parties, anymore." Lather, rinse, repeat.