To expect her to be on time!

Your post has reminded me of when I was working for a large Housing Association in residential work (properties in a very wide area of the country) and many of us staff from them all were sent on several three day training courses over a period of a few weeks to improve our knowledge of ourselves and other people, so we could gain insight and ability on our work performance and hopefully learn something useful. One of the tests was how you saw yourself :ie: are you a starter...are you a plodder...are you a last minuter. The starters were generally the ones with good ideas but could never follow them through to the end...the plodders were consistent until the job was finished ....the last minuters literally left everything to the last minute as quite laid back but persevered until the work was done. I fell into the last category and although I would not let a friend down by being late for an appointment, there is usually a mad flurry were deadlines are concerned and always has been. One of the plusses to this trait however is stamina...the energy surge that takes over to complete whatever is needed to be done. These courses were real eye-openers and it helped each other to understand another person and become real team workers knowing we all have strengths and weaknesses. My guess is your friend is a is one of the latter.My granddaughter has inherited this trait as well and we have a real bond as we are two of a kind.

Only you, OP , will have a true sense of your friend's personality. I think it a bit much for others to wade in with criticisms of her and to attribute all sorts of negatives to her. You feel she has been rude, but that's not the same as 'vain', 'selfish', etc. And as others have pointed out, she may have a problem. I hope you are not persuaded to think worse of her than needs be.

I hate lateness. My DF instilled in us as children 'a good soldier is always on parade 5 minutes early' and it has stuck with me. Unfortunately I did not manage to teach my DD, she's always late!

How RUDE!! (It's got me in capitals too!) I would do as others have said; without a reasonable excuse via text then just go and do some shopping or have a coffee after ten minutes, and let her wait. You really don't want to fall out or get bitter with a good friend and if you don't express your annoyance quite clearly she might be surprised to know how angry it makes you. I read an interview once with a well know celebrity who seems rather 'precious' about herself and she said that she is always late for meetings because 'it saved her hours'. I wonder she has any friends - I shall end as I started - how RUDE!!

I find that people who do this are often selfish or vain. They like to make an entrance when everyone else is settled and ready for whatever it is they're going to do; they don't want to waste any of their own time waiting, or getting the event warmed up.

In a one-to-one situation, it's not kind or fair. Anyone can be late now and again, but repeated lateness should have consequences. Don't wait too long for her; set a time and then leave. That sounds to me like the only way to get the message through. Anything else (fibbing about the arranged time, or saying it doesn't matter) is enabling her unacceptable behaviour to continue.

Attention seeking behaviour! People want to make an entrance. Give her a 10 min window and stick to it, you will be doing her a favour.

I agree with people who say you should leave if she does not arrive. There is really no reason for her to change if there are no consequences and she obviously just doesn't get why it is a problem.
Personally, I wouldn't text as she needs to be inconvenienced herself to see why it is annoying. When she contacts you just say well I was there when we agreed and I waited a while. Where were you? Next time you meet, remind her that you are not going to wait if she is late.
We are all late occasionally but persistent lateness is the way she chooses to live.
It is very annoying but you have to act on your annoyance otherwise you are the only one negatively affected.

No you ANBU , I have a friend who is always late. Somehow she thinks her time is more valuable than mine. I don't often see her now for this reason.
It's a sign of self absorption.
I have many faults but do try to get to places on time.

I think that if you're more than a couple of minutes late for an appointment/meeting, it's advertising the fact that you think that your time is more important than that of the other person/people.

I would leave after ten minutes...and later(or text her as you leave), say that it would've made you too late for the rest of the day, if you'd met up that much later. I think she'll get the message after a bit.

I know a couple of people like this. I think you are probably a very kind and caring person imperfect but I won't put up with this kind of behaviour because it's just plainly inconsiderate.

Anyone can be late occasionally, but it's those who are habitual offenders that need to get a grip.

Yes - seems we all agree, she is being rude and you are not being unreasonable. From all the good advice given, if it were me, I would go for the 'tell her an earlier time' plan. And yes, make sure you can be somewhere 'indoors' where possible.

It does sound like she may have a problem that won't change, so working with it to suit your needs seems a good way of avoiding conflict - unless you do want the 'show-down' and possible loss of a long term friend.

To my mind, part of true friendship is that we bear with each others 'quirks' and whilst I empathise about hating being late myself, it does seem some people are not being conscientiously rude, they just do have a problem.

Persistent latecomers are seeking attention, "look at me- I'm late!". Agree, don't put up with it , meet inside a cafe or restaurant so at least you can have a drink whilst waiting. If it's really driving you mad warn her that you can only wait 10 minutes, then go.

Oh dear 'sitting DOWN'!

My friend always does this. I think she has a problem leaving the house thinking she doesn't look nice enough or her outfit is wrong. If I am calling to collect her she is either on the phone or not dressed. She does this with everyone . I don't think it will change. It is rude I agree.

Refuse to meet her outside anywhere. Meet her inside somewhere sitting didn't. Have a newspaper or book or talk to us on gransnet while you wait. After 15 minutes text her saying you're leaving.

I think it is very rude to be consistently late. Mind you I have wasted a lot of my life being very early.
I would wait a certain time and then leave. "I thought you weren't coming" is a good reposte .

You say your friend was a former boss. Are you sure that she does not still think if you as one if her staff? She clearly thinks her time is more important than hers.
I personally would have given up on her years ago. She is just rude and I am afraid she is disrespectful to you.

Yes I have 2 friends I meet together and one ius always always late. She usually uses the excuse that the bus didn't turn up but she is so lovely in other ways I never feel like telling her off. Its true thought that they never change.

I know somebody who does this, every time.We can all be late now and then, with a good reason, but habitual latecomers have a problem of some kind I think.
Perhaps a difficulty in actually leaving home, so they tend to faff about.
If she is a good friend to you minimo then be a little late yourself, you will still be earlier than her, but have less time to wait around.People like this never change.

I really shy away from confrontation but yes, I think you're right, this is the last straw and it would be worse long term to let it fester any more. I'll mention it when we next meet up. Felt good to get it off my chest though - thank you for your advice.

I hate lateness I have 4 sisters and only 1 of them is punctual. It drives me insane.
I would be so furious especially because you spoke earlier and everything was ok . Don't make light of it in future , me her know . It is bad manners and disrespectful.

Your laughing it off has helped her not to realise that you actually find it annoying. She probably feels it's an okay thing to do in her relaxed relationship with you.

You need to let her know that it does annoy you and that you'd like her to be on time as politeness to you.

Only if that doesn't work, and you still want to be friends with her, try the half-hour early thing.

My late stepfather was just the same, it drove my mother mad! In the did adopt the practice of bringing forward appointments by half an hour, as suggested by Gagagran

So if they were invited to dinner somewhere at 8pm, she whould tell him it was 7.30

There is a saying "Punctuality is the politeness of Kings"

No Ana because she won't know. This is what we do with H's cousin. I've known him 45 yrs and have never known him on time.
Everyone knows what he's like. We will all arrange to meet at 8.30 but tell him 7.30 that way he's only a couple of minutes late. He's never sussed it ?
I'm always early for everything.