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AIBU

To expect her to be on time!

(82 Posts)
minimo Wed 20-Sep-17 14:14:54

My friend (ex-boss but we bonded early on and became very close) is always, ALWAYS late. Usually by about half an hour so it's not a minute or two. I don't mind if she's coming over to my house (although on those occasions it's often longer than half an hour) but when I'm waiting outside a shop or pre-arranged meeting place, having texted her an hour before to confirm the time, she is STILL late. I'm using caps as you can see meaning I am VERY irate. I've tried arriving late myself but I just can't make myself do it. I pointedly look at my watch and we've laughed (me, rather drily) about her lack of punctuality before but it hasn't made any difference.

br0adwater Wed 20-Sep-17 14:25:28

It's plain rude.

Gagagran Wed 20-Sep-17 14:25:50

The simple answer is to give her a time 30 minutes prior to the one you want then there is a chance you will both arrive about the same time. grin

Scribbles Wed 20-Sep-17 14:28:06

Just tell her that, from now on, your maximum waiting time is 10 minutes unless she texts/phones you with a VERY good reason for further delay (motorway closure, broken down train, that sort of thing). And, if she's more than 10 minutes late - leave.
Her behaviour is inconsiderate and rude but perhaps she hasn't yet realised just how much it aggravates you because you've laughed it off. She needs a wake up call and, if she really is a good friend, she'll get over it and mend her ways.

br0adwater Wed 20-Sep-17 14:32:46

Totally agree with leaving the meeting place after 10 mins. Go for a coffee and when she rings, give her directions to find you.

I'm feeling cross just reading about this!

NanaandGrampy Wed 20-Sep-17 14:39:16

I totally get where you're coming from minimo , its like she is saying her time is more precious than yours.

I agree with Gaga tell her half an earlier than you plan on being there.

Ana Wed 20-Sep-17 14:42:48

But wouldn't she just adjust her lateness to the new time?

ninathenana Wed 20-Sep-17 15:13:19

No Ana because she won't know. This is what we do with H's cousin. I've known him 45 yrs and have never known him on time.
Everyone knows what he's like. We will all arrange to meet at 8.30 but tell him 7.30 that way he's only a couple of minutes late. He's never sussed it 😊
I'm always early for everything.

phoenix Wed 20-Sep-17 15:15:41

My late stepfather was just the same, it drove my mother mad! In the did adopt the practice of bringing forward appointments by half an hour, as suggested by Gagagran

So if they were invited to dinner somewhere at 8pm, she whould tell him it was 7.30 grin

There is a saying "Punctuality is the politeness of Kings"

FarNorth Wed 20-Sep-17 15:47:31

Your laughing it off has helped her not to realise that you actually find it annoying. She probably feels it's an okay thing to do in her relaxed relationship with you.

You need to let her know that it does annoy you and that you'd like her to be on time as politeness to you.

Only if that doesn't work, and you still want to be friends with her, try the half-hour early thing.

Nanabilly Wed 20-Sep-17 16:05:38

I hate lateness I have 4 sisters and only 1 of them is punctual. It drives me insane.
I would be so furious especially because you spoke earlier and everything was ok . Don't make light of it in future , me her know . It is bad manners and disrespectful.

minimo Wed 20-Sep-17 16:12:11

I really shy away from confrontation but yes, I think you're right, this is the last straw and it would be worse long term to let it fester any more. I'll mention it when we next meet up. Felt good to get it off my chest though - thank you for your advice.

lemongrove Wed 20-Sep-17 18:38:36

I know somebody who does this, every time.We can all be late now and then, with a good reason, but habitual latecomers have a problem of some kind I think.
Perhaps a difficulty in actually leaving home, so they tend to faff about.
If she is a good friend to you minimo then be a little late yourself, you will still be earlier than her, but have less time to wait around.People like this never change.

Smithy Wed 20-Sep-17 18:46:52

Yes I have 2 friends I meet together and one ius always always late. She usually uses the excuse that the bus didn't turn up but she is so lovely in other ways I never feel like telling her off. Its true thought that they never change.

rafichagran Wed 20-Sep-17 19:15:26

You say your friend was a former boss. Are you sure that she does not still think if you as one if her staff? She clearly thinks her time is more important than hers.
I personally would have given up on her years ago. She is just rude and I am afraid she is disrespectful to you.

BBbevan Wed 20-Sep-17 19:21:20

I think it is very rude to be consistently late. Mind you I have wasted a lot of my life being very early.
I would wait a certain time and then leave. "I thought you weren't coming" is a good reposte .

Elrel Wed 20-Sep-17 19:55:36

Refuse to meet her outside anywhere. Meet her inside somewhere sitting didn't. Have a newspaper or book or talk to us on gransnet while you wait. After 15 minutes text her saying you're leaving.

kircubbin2000 Wed 20-Sep-17 19:56:27

My friend always does this. I think she has a problem leaving the house thinking she doesn't look nice enough or her outfit is wrong. If I am calling to collect her she is either on the phone or not dressed. She does this with everyone . I don't think it will change. It is rude I agree.

Elrel Wed 20-Sep-17 20:09:29

Oh dear 'sitting DOWN'!

suzied Thu 21-Sep-17 02:04:02

Persistent latecomers are seeking attention, "look at me- I'm late!". Agree, don't put up with it , meet inside a cafe or restaurant so at least you can have a drink whilst waiting. If it's really driving you mad warn her that you can only wait 10 minutes, then go.

Imperfect27 Thu 21-Sep-17 07:19:51

Yes - seems we all agree, she is being rude and you are not being unreasonable. From all the good advice given, if it were me, I would go for the 'tell her an earlier time' plan. And yes, make sure you can be somewhere 'indoors' where possible.

It does sound like she may have a problem that won't change, so working with it to suit your needs seems a good way of avoiding conflict - unless you do want the 'show-down' and possible loss of a long term friend.

To my mind, part of true friendship is that we bear with each others 'quirks' and whilst I empathise about hating being late myself, it does seem some people are not being conscientiously rude, they just do have a problem.

Anya Thu 21-Sep-17 07:34:55

I know a couple of people like this. I think you are probably a very kind and caring person imperfect but I won't put up with this kind of behaviour because it's just plainly inconsiderate.

Anyone can be late occasionally, but it's those who are habitual offenders that need to get a grip.

SussexGirl60 Thu 21-Sep-17 10:00:34

I would leave after ten minutes...and later(or text her as you leave), say that it would've made you too late for the rest of the day, if you'd met up that much later. I think she'll get the message after a bit.

Reddevil3 Thu 21-Sep-17 10:10:13

I think that if you're more than a couple of minutes late for an appointment/meeting, it's advertising the fact that you think that your time is more important than that of the other person/people.

loopyloo Thu 21-Sep-17 10:18:37

No you ANBU , I have a friend who is always late. Somehow she thinks her time is more valuable than mine. I don't often see her now for this reason.
It's a sign of self absorption.
I have many faults but do try to get to places on time.