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To expect her to be on time!

(83 Posts)
minimo Wed 20-Sep-17 14:14:54

My friend (ex-boss but we bonded early on and became very close) is always, ALWAYS late. Usually by about half an hour so it's not a minute or two. I don't mind if she's coming over to my house (although on those occasions it's often longer than half an hour) but when I'm waiting outside a shop or pre-arranged meeting place, having texted her an hour before to confirm the time, she is STILL late. I'm using caps as you can see meaning I am VERY irate. I've tried arriving late myself but I just can't make myself do it. I pointedly look at my watch and we've laughed (me, rather drily) about her lack of punctuality before but it hasn't made any difference.

Bluegal Thu 28-Sep-17 18:48:48

Another gem of a thread! (I do love GN lol)

I am another one who is painstakingly early for just about anything. I always arrive long before I need to! and yes, I have a couple of friends who never seem to be on time for anything! I know who they are and I know they are likely to be late so I arrange to meet them in a place I can wander off and look round the shops. Then they phone me and say "where are you"....and I say am shopping, be with you shortly"!

I just don't like getting worked up about it or worrying too much. If I didn't actually enjoy the meetings when we do finally meet up, I would decline all invitations.

I can never understand why people think its acceptable to keep others waiting though. If you decide on a time, why not try to make it for that time?

grannyticktock Sun 24-Sep-17 22:47:42

If I'm going somewhere I'm not very familiar with, I worry about getting lost (I do a lot of that), so I try to build in some "getting-lost time". So, for example, I'll think, "Twenty minutes' driving; five minutes to park; and ten minutes to get lost .... that's 35 minutes." That takes some of the stress out of it.

Elrel Sun 24-Sep-17 17:45:25

Amry. I think it is anxiety, a reluctance to leave the house. I have it too. I always put appointments down as 15 minutes before the actual time. Nowadays being late at a surgery can lose you an appointment.
I have to say that I find arriving early feels good!
I also, like a previous poster, don't always allow extra time for possible transport hiccups.

Witzend Sun 24-Sep-17 13:53:51

'It's very middle class to be fashionably late.' !!!

Sorry, whoever said it, but IMO that is utter nonsense!
Since when did it have anything to do with social class, and as for being 'fashionable' , it was only ever so in the opinion of egocentrics and general airheads.

Gymstagran Sun 24-Sep-17 09:57:32

My sister and daughter are always late. I tried telling them it was rude and that they must think their time more important than mine. Now if it is an important appointment I just tell them that I shall leave without them and I go. Funnily they are then often there early. I don't bother with the unimportant ones and expect them when I see them.

norose4 Sat 23-Sep-17 23:53:18

Ask her to ring or text when she is at the agreed meeting place, have a coffee or do some shopping until you get the call. Or decide that she is not really worth the hassle .

ajanela Sat 23-Sep-17 18:26:06

Mary 10 minutes isn't 30 minutes although you could try harder. In fact I have a problem with timing the other way and always allow too much time.

Dithering around and not getting to the shops is different as presumably you are the one to suffer if you haven't bought what you need,

rafichagran Fri 22-Sep-17 18:47:17

Sorry*anry*I an not buying in to what you are saying If you are making arrangments to meet someone you should be on time. It is frustrating having to wait for people who are late, and it is not nice hanging around. You know the time you have arranged to meet someone, you need to organise it better, and yes it is rude to be late.

Amry64 Fri 22-Sep-17 16:13:07

Very sad to see such judgemental posting about this. I've always had a problem with time-keeping - it's not intentional, I'm not being rude, I certainly don't think I'm more important than anyone else! Whatever I do, I find I am 10 minutes out - at school I often missed the bus, then was often in detention, but it got better when I went by bike and had control over my travelling. Work wasn't too bad as we had flexi-time, but meeting people and catching buses since I retired is still a problem. And as one person said, I do have problems leaving the house. Is it a form of agrophobia? Today, I have found things to do and put off going out until it is nearly tea-time and I still haven't got to the shops. Strangely, since my DH died 2 years ago I have found my timing has improved - he always blamed me but used to dither and delay and would then say it was my fault we were late! Please have some sympathy - it's a problem not arrogance.

Catherine1954 Fri 22-Sep-17 11:11:50

Completely agree but found with one good friend when he was late (as always) and I just left, he changed but he still mentions this as example of how unreasonable I can be

Bambam Fri 22-Sep-17 10:26:50

People who are consistently late are rude, disrespectful and arrogant.

123kitty Fri 22-Sep-17 08:24:30

Why would your friend even bother to be on time if you always wait for her? You are obviously upset by her rude treatment, please stop putting up with it. Follow one of the above pieces of helpful advice to deal with her. Good luck.

Mauriherb Fri 22-Sep-17 07:19:21

I have a friend like that and we used to laugh about it even though I was annoyed. Then one day she told me to chill out and asked why I got cross about it. I told her that I didn't like the fact that she considered that her time was so much more important than mine, and that I had nothing better to do than waste time waiting around. She hasn't been late since , and yes, we are still friends

Mapleleaf Thu 21-Sep-17 22:07:47

I agree with gagagrans suggestion.

Caro1954 Thu 21-Sep-17 19:54:36

I had a friend like this and tried everything I could think of - the 30 minute thing, meeting indoors, giving her ten minutes then leaving. She arrived for meals at my house up to an hour late, at her house her DH cooked and she would come downstairs half an hour late saying been listening to a radio programme. Eventually I came to the conclusion that she believed that she was simply of importance than anybody else and decided that I didn't want such an unequal relationship. It depends how much you value this friendship whether you can put up with this.

Lilyflower Thu 21-Sep-17 18:40:53

It is very middle class to be fashionably late but I can't stand it. I think it is rude and if you are cooking dinner for others it can be ruined by tardiness. I cannot help feeling that were these same latecomers who are signalling their superior air of 'I am not tied down like boring people' by their behaviour would be infuriated if others paid them in like manner.

Daisydoo2 Thu 21-Sep-17 17:35:27

It is just rude to be late, tell her to be there half an hour earlier than you intend to arrive. I feel annoyed for you!

ajanela Thu 21-Sep-17 17:19:23

Living in a country were everyone is late, it drives me mad

At work did she keep her superiors waiting or clients.? If yes then that is the norm for her, if no then she is disrespecting you.

From your side you know this is going to happen so why go so early? You want her to change but just as easily you could change and not put yourself through this stress.

MissAdventure Thu 21-Sep-17 17:13:13

I can't stand lateness: in my last job there was one man who was continually very late - meaning people couldn't go home until he arrived. It was looked at as an endearing quality, except by me. I would be secretly fuming!

AlgeswifeVal Thu 21-Sep-17 17:08:48

I have a friend who is just the same and believe me I get furious. I feel like driving off and letting her find her own way to wherever we are going. I just can't unferstand her. So, no you are not being unreasonable in getting fed up about her lateness.

luluaugust Thu 21-Sep-17 16:48:59

My dd was another one who was always early for appointments and he trained my brother and I to be the same thereby making us both rather anxious about time and meetings we are always early and get worried if we are held up in any way. OH bought up the other way round, both more or less met in the middle now. Do meet your friend inside preferably somewhere you can sit down. When we visited Sandringham we were told the clocks had been kept fast as Queen Alexandra was always late!

nuttyasfruitcakenan Thu 21-Sep-17 15:51:40

Agree with previous post . I was brought up never to be late always leave plenty of time etc etc . Unfortunately not my other half or any members of his family ( I was waiting at the church for his mother to arrive at my wedding ! ) It was a problem for a long time eventually always tell either him or them at least 30 to 45 minutes before the actual time . I really works as everybody arrives around the right time

FarNorth Thu 21-Sep-17 15:50:08

Of course then you'd have to skulk nearby where you can't be seen...and keep skulking for at least 20 minutes

Why would you have to skulk?

Crazygran Thu 21-Sep-17 15:32:31

Lateness is something that drives me mad!!!
But I really do think it's something one is born with.
I was a primary school teacher for 30 years and it was always the same families who were late, not children's fault.
I have tried telling friends we are meeting earlier than we need but it doesn't work.
I am the opposite , always early . Didn't realise that I followed my Dad in this till he came to live with me.
Being early prob annoys my friends as much as they annoy me by being late.
Can't help it tho .

Cubagran Thu 21-Sep-17 15:29:51

My DH is a bit like this with time, but it's when we're planning to leave the house, especially leaving to go on holiday or a day out somewhere. I have to tell him a time an hour earlier than I really want to leave - he just faffs around doing anything except get ready. Don't think he's twigged it yet!