My husband is no nurse

Sarahellenwhitney I have a post office account. I am not creating problems, just planning for a future which would be difficult if I had the situation that the OP has.

They do their best. My DH was run off his feet when I had a hysterectomy. He underestimated the amount I usually took care of. He decided, while I was in hospital that he should decorate the bedroom. So, he had that to contend with as well as mastering the washing machine and dishwasher. He always does the cooking anyway, so he could cope with that.

Do wives who 'train' their husbands to hoover/wash up etc., also receive training in the use of an allen key for when a self assembly unit is delivered?

All wives should have their own 'man drawer' in the kitchen IMO.

Yup, been there. After my hip replacement I heard him huffing, puffing and sighing in the kitchen, even though he is by and large quite domesticated. I felt rather cross as he was only doing what I do all the time. Best friend lept on plane and peace was restored!

Share the chores, don't wait on other half - you're their partner not mother. I wrecked my back some years ago and was completely put of action for 4 months. OH took on everything, including childcare. If men are dependent maybe it's because we've made them that way!

Completely with you MawBroon.
I also have my own tool kit and have always done decorating and diy.

It is probably a bit late in the day to say this but you should have married a feminist dangkhoa. I find many of the old chauvinists around have passed their sell by dates - unless you love them, of course.

Have to agree, I fell over a few years ago and broke my pelvis bone so had to have a new hip. When I came home after a few days it was awful he moaned and groaned about having to do this and.

We both do whatever jobs need doing, DH worked shifts, and I did unsocial hours, so it's always been a matter of whoever's there when something needs doing, does it!
DH is fully 'house trained' and although soufflés would be beyond him, and his ironing skills aren't the best, he's very good at managing.
merlotgran
I don't have a 'man drawer' in the kitchen, I have a 'woman drawer'!
Through his work DH has amassed a vast collection of tools, and, as they cost him a fortune, he didn't want me using them.
So, at Christmas twenty seven years ago, I received my very own toolbox, complete with very expensive 'Snap-On' tools! Woe betide DH if he so much as lays his hands on my ratchet screwdriver! They're all proper colours too, none of this 'pink tools for girlies' nonsense in this house!
I can wield a power tool with the best of them too!
Paddyann
My MiL wouldn't allow FiL in her kitchen, and when she died he was hopeless, didn't even know how long to cook frozen veg for! She actually did him a huge disservice, as he had to start learning to look after himself at the age of 72! He's lucky that he can afford to get someone in to do his cleaning/washing/ironing etc, and he eats mainly ready meals from M&S or Waitrose. I tried for months to get him cooking, just very basic stuff, but he was so conditioned to staying away from the kitchen he couldn't change!

Hi dangkhoa - I hope your health is improving after your operation. Feelings of frustration after an op or during an illness are very common and it's inevitable that they will be directed to those who are nearest.

I was diagnosed with shingles in mid-August - an atypical case that has badly affected my eye and causes me to feel extreme fatigue. From the day of diagnosis The Wonderful Man has done everything that I would normally have done, whilst continuing in his full time, very demanding, job and I am sitting at home doing nothing at all. He does not expect gratitude or praise, but I give it to him anyway because I appreciate him and all he does to take care of me.

When we married I worked in two jobs to pay the bills and he was a student. He took over all the household tasks, including the care of my three daughters. When we both worked we shared the running of the household; there are some jobs that are shared along traditional gender lines, but we can each make a fair go of doing most things.

dangkhoa
I suspect this might resonate with you (and a few others?)

It can be tiring when he is doing everything but you want to remind him of "in sickness and in health". It sounds like you have been the one who has waited on him for years and he don't like the roles reversed.

My DH cooks, so I am one of the lucky ones. To all of you whose husbands don't cook or only cook one or two things:

Show them this thread and ask them what tasks they would find completely beyond them if you went into hospital?
Make a list of the things they can't do and a similar list of what you can't do. Can you adjust a ball cock, or bleed radiators? Get my point?
Surely at our time of life it might be a good idea to make sure that both the husband and wife who took each other for better or for worse, in sickness or in health actually can do the tasks the other one usually attends to?

I'm due for a knee replacement soon, I'm absolutely dreading the after care by my hubby. He'll cook but in 50 years he's never, and I mean never ever washed up, turned on the washer, ironed, dusted. His skills are limited to the occasional vacuuming and cooking. I'm hoping I'm going to be pleasantly surprised by his housekeeping skills. Dreading it.

Some years ago we met a lovely couple and became friends, at that time they would have been in their mid fifties. One day after church we were invited to the couple's home to collect some paperwork and the husband apologised for his wife's absence and explained she was in bed with the flu. He then offered us a hot drink and, looking worried, said he thought he would know how to make instant coffee. This prompted a conversation where he disclosed that in spite of owning and running a factory he had never, ever made a cup of tea or coffee in his life and barely knew his way around his kitchen. His married adult daughter, in her early twenties, was also a friend and when, aghast, we shared this conversation with her she looked thoughtful for a second and then said, she 'thought' her own husband would know how to make a hot drink!! It turned out that neither her father or husband had ever undertaken any household tasks. It still shocks me to this day.

Never mind the coffee or paperwork, ga. These days I'd be legging it out the door at the mention of the word 'FLU.

I am very lucky as my DH is an excellent nurse. He also has some medical knowledge which can be reassuring in times of stress. I totally agree, those of us lucky enough to have a DH should be appreciative, same as you would be with anyone else doing their best to look after you, even if you have to grit your teeth every now and again.

Grandtante - just read your post and totally agree with you. I have had a mental note for years to learn how to rewire a plug and still not done it.

dangkhoa I feel so sorry, my husband is wonderful, especially if I'm ill, I recently broke my wrist and he did everything for me, even cutting up my food in a restaurant. Yes, I am fortunate, I hope you get better soon.

dangkhoa I do hope you are starting to feel better a few days can make all the difference,hubby is trying his best I'm sure and don't you get stressed if some jobs aren't done to you own standard the world won't stop.
I am fortunate to have a very hands on hubby who has always been able to run the house as well as I can in every respect he has made sure our son's are also up to speed when they left home and married its a two way job in my opinion,my mother was horrified with me when she used to visit and hubby took away the dinner plates etc and started to clean up the kitchen after meals she was insistant it was a mans place to sit and relax after his meal when he had been working all day,what did she think I had been doing I asked her,she never ever saw my point of view.

In our home there is something about the health, or otherwise, of the person who usually does a task that impacts behaviour. So, if Mr C is ill I am more likely to report if I have dealt with a task he usually takes responsibility for. Anything from mending a leak to the ironing. Likewise when I have been immobilised he has reported, as my previous comment, on things like dishwasher emptying and cleaning the bathroom that he usually does anyway and yes, I do find this frustrating. I think for both of us it's about reassurance to the sick person that they need not fear chaos when they are well again. So maybe some of the reporting husbands (or wives) are not incapable at all. Being ill and immobilised can also make us less tolerant and more frustrated, I guess there are so many opportunities for misunderstanding. How are you feeling now dangkhoa? I hope you are mending and less upset by your husband.

{Dangkhoa} I do hope you feel better soon. I know when you are feeling below par you don't need all the reporting back.

3 years ago I had just split up with my DH when I fell and broke my arm and shoulder. He returned to look after me but the following 6 weeks were horrible because he did everything grudgingly and shouted at me all the time. He left again as sion as the stitches were removed and returned to England . Later he was diagnosed with PTSD and has been receiving treatment. We got back together last year. While we were on holiday 10 days ago I had a bad back which turned to sciatica. I can hardly walk with the pain so he has had to do everything. Yes he does report that he has done 4 loads of washing etc and yet we do these things every day and don't think about it. But I wouldnt be without him and it's good that he has learned how to use the dishwasher. Even more he has been able to go shopping (we live abroad and he doesnt speak the language) and even went to the council offices to tax the car for the year where they dont speak a word of English. I know I can live on my own having done it but it's nice to have him around. So my advice to you is to say Well done darling with a smile on your face. Plus when you are back to fitness get him involved in doing more things around the house.

Try my husband everybody!!! Cleaning!! He ABSOLUTELY insists that if water runs into IT........ then IT never needs cleaning!!!! I.E. ... The three sinks ( never need cleaning).... the bath ( never needs cleaning) and of course the loo (Never needs cleaning) . I'm due an hernia op, a double prolapse op.....both I'm told need doing asap. Hahahaha.... like most of you I can't survive in a dirty house eating sandwiches and fried food.

I'm an only child and, although he never said it, my DF really wanted a son, so I can if need be hang wallpaper, drill holes in walls, I know how a car engine works and (was) quite capable of changing a car tyre. My MiL (God bless her) taught DH to cook and sew. So we are both able to swop roles when necessary. Since retirement DH does all the cooking and shopping. Love it!

I think that when I had my knee replacement last year he was quite looking forward to taking over and was a bit miffed that I was told to 'potter'. A bit of light washing up and dusting to make sure I moved and used the knee. So I was always being told to go and have a nap, get out from under his feet and let him get on!