I am totally sick and fed up with this!

another question
Hi folks
i posted a few weeks ago and got some fantastic replies for which I thank you all. Here we go again...
My DIL has had no contact with hubby and me for 2 1/2 years. I don't know why. Originally it was because I 'have a mental illness'. But now it has changed and I can't keep up with the list of things I have done 'wrong.' My sons tells me things could change, but not this side of Christmas. Me? I fell, well I've been out in the cold for 2 1/2 years. Why would I ever want to be friends with this woman and her kids? I am trying very hard to make a life for myself in an area of UK I have not lived in previously. It was my son and DIL who wanted us to return here from NZ in the first place. I never wanted to live in their pockets. Just to be able to have called round once a month or so for a coffee would have been nice. I have never been round uninvited. Come Xmas and Easter cards go out to my siblings all over UK and the world, but never one to us. Yes, I'm pissed off, but am trying to take the high road, difficult though it is. My son tells me things will not be right this side of Xmas, but maybe after. My reply? I don't think I will want to know them after all this length of time. I know it sounds peevish, but that's the way I feel and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

We hold hands when out and about a lot of the time just to stop each other falling over

This is such fun!
Never noticed the 'false hand holdings'. But I will now!
Always held hands with my hubby. Died 10 months ago and I still don't like walking alone. Never will
What I can't stand is the adjective "AMAZING"...My goodness me, everything is AMAZING! Drives me crazy.
Maybe it's full moon and we all need to let out steam

sarahellenwhitney Thu 05-Oct-17 15:19:27

rizlet My tears flow for your difficulties Many people work 8 to 7 on a regular basis. Presume you were paid for your troubles?. House hunting all expenses paid ??

Thank you for your kind words sara I was working at the time so the programme was filmed during annual leave. Some expenses paid. Budget was 200k. I had already sold and although I didn't buy any properties from the programme I did buy in the same area.

lizzy67 obviously soething is going on, If you have a good relationship with your son sit him down and ask him straight what the problem is, because obviously here is a problem somewhere problem

If you do not have a good relationship with your son make it your business to speak to the DIL something is up and if you do want to have a relationship with them both then you might need to make the effort even if it is just to find out what is ACTUALLY the REAL

problem

sarahellenwhitney in a world with so many real problems it is still totally over the top. Some real life challenges would be worth discussing this is just self-indulgent ranting.

We always hold hands, why not?

Or they all say WOW very falsely Rolande

I have never noticed but I looooove holding hands and its the one thing I miss about being in a relationship.

Phoenix ?and you thought you were only starting a light hearted thread.

Married about 43 years(ish) together 50 and still hold hands all the time. Do it without thinking all the time- not overly lovey dovy in any other way- just comfortable. Didn’t realise it was a problem.

A couple that we know we're on Escape to the Country, we've never ever seen them hold hands, but they did on the programme!!

I really don't know what is wrong with holding hands with your partner? It doesn't worry me, what I can't stand are the couples who say they love a property but they don't want neighbours. If they don't want neighbours they should go and live in the middle of a forest or a desert. By the way my husband and I are in our early seventies and we still hold hands.

I haven't noticed hand holding, but what does irritate me (Homes Under the Hammer) is when the buyer is filmed in the property. Enter room, stand stiffly, look to the ceiling right then left. If there is a cupboard, open a door and peer in. They look so daft. I don't know what else they could do though! The escape to the country one, they hardly ever buy anything do they? At least on LLL they usually do.

Hi Lizzy67, I can imagine it's very difficult and upsetting to have had "the door slammed in your face" by your Dil like this with no real explanation of the "terrible crime?????" you must have committed to be treated like this.
You appear to have some contact with your son but obviously he will be in an awkward position as he obviously will be listening to her grievances about you and also your natural anger at all the unnecessary misunderstanding.
When you say "this woman and her kids" your anger shows clearly. Are the children not your Gc? It dosn,t sound like it, otherwise I'm sure that you would walk through fire, eating humble pie to be able to see them.
It is really difficult for your son, so for his sake could you not make a huge effort to bury your anger and be the first to apologize to Dil for anything you may have done to upset her. Ask her to please forgive you, you could even hug her and squeeze out a tear or two (please stop gritting your teeth ) and try to get the family back together.
Take her out for lunch or something or ask if you can go round when she's time to talk. If you have moved away, book into a hotel nearby for a night and ask her round for a few drinks. Try to see her point as well, she's a younger person who obviously has been hurt a lot by a misunderstanding. Feel compassion for her, try to see her as a daughter.
Listen, I do understand, I could strangle my Dil sometimes and she has sometimes pissed me off but I don't retaliate as I know I will be the loser, my son would take her side. I go completely the other way and show lots of affection to her and actually she IS a nice girl, so I try to love her as I do my Dd.
Whatever you decide to do, you need to be at peace with the decision that you make, otherwise this will eat away at you.

What a peculiar reaction! I am happy to see any couple displaying affection in this way.

Each to their own of course, but I'm with phoenix on this one, not just regarding 'Location, Location, Location'.
Personally I find it a bit daft-looking - adults holding hands as if they are in nursery school. It looks OK for youngsters but not for the over-20s, and I always think it looks false - as if they are trying too hard. We've been together for 50 years and the love is still there, but holding hands? Nah! (Will now put on tin helmet and duck behind wall...)