To think that a friend should visit when she has time.

I always find if someone touches a raw nerve like this then to get out myself and socialise with others. Things then get into perspective - a hurt from one person becomes so minor and makes it easier to deal and resolve.

She isn't asking you for an exclusive friendship is she?

What is wrong with 10 mins now and then if there are also meals out with husbands?

Friendship doesn't have to be formal, she clearly wants to stay in touch and might well be a help to you of you needed it, do you pop round to see her ?

Perhaps she is busy..does that mean her friendship would be worth less than someone who came for longer visits.

Just see her popping in as a bonus, being picky about what is acceptable within social relationshios is the way to loneliness and plenty of people suffer from that.

Yes , develop other friends. You can be busy too.

Is she welcoming when you pop in? It sounds a bit like one upmanship or gaslighting but it may just be the way her family were and what she considers reasonable. I think I would be inclined to say 'maybe next time you could call when you aren't in such a rush' but then I would be prepared to fall out with someone who did this all the time. If it was occasional it would be different but if it is every time it is deliberate.

MH . You say you like her. You think she is lovely. You get together for meals. She calls in to see you.

Think you’re spot on about feeling sensitive, and can see how you’re disappointed in not spending longer with her.

Think I’d be gracious and when she rushes off, give her a hug and say how lovely it was to see her, even if you feel it was a ‘duty’ call. It might not have been though. It might have been a genuine wish to see you.

Do you have lots of other friends with whom you’re able to spend more time?

I have a friend who is always busy, so we do not see each other that often, but when we do, we at least get to spend an afternoon together. It takes some organising though because since her DH died she has taken on so much just to stay sane, and I fully understand that. I would feel rather affronted if she was like your friend, though, and constantly watching the clock.

Some people thrive on being busy: its how they function. I can see how it could be hurtful though.

MotherHubbard If your friend is truly very busy, I think it's rather nice that she pops in to see you, even if only for a little while.

Are her calls at a pre-arranged time, or does she just drop in?

Try pre-arranging and asking her to make time for a visit of 30 mins / 1 hour / whatever you think reasonable. Tell her you'd love a good chat without her having to rush off. That shouldn't be upsetting.

She is not being lovely to you, by doing this. Her visits are not enjoyable at all, for you.

She sounds like a normal person - basically good but with some quirks! And you sound like a lovely person who appreciates her positive qualities. Here's to your friendship lasting many years

Thanks for the comments- yes Lemongrove,I do like her, she is lovely, just has a lot of other commitments. We do occasionally go out with our husbands for a meal so I wouldn’t want to say anything to upset her. It’s me being too sensitive as I hadn’t seen her for a while so I was disappointed and decided to vent on here.

Some people like to be seen to be busy even if they aren't. They seem to think that 'hecticity', as a friend of mine called it, is a virtue so they develop this always in a rush behaviour. Perhaps your friend is like this.

I think your options are blunt honesty, manoeuvring for a proper 'date', or just accepting that that's what she's like and lumping it. I think I'd go for a combination of the first and last. I hope you find a solution.

motherhubbard with friends like that you do not need enemies. I have experienced much the same, maybe they are busy I don't know

What I do know is that you should not invest in her.

You deserve a proper friend.

What does your friend have to dash off to do? Does she have to get to work, pick kids up, see to elderly parents? What does she say when she has 'no time'?

If you feel she just doesn't want to spend time with you then why does she call at all?

Sometimes my kids call see me and they spend most of it on their phone and clock watching so I say outright...why have you bothered coming round then? They say...just popped in to see you o.k? Maybe similar situ?

Once again, honesty is best policy. ASK her why she bothers when she is so pushed for time? Maybe arrange a proper 'date' when you can go for lunch or whatever. If she doesn't want that then .....I guess you have to assess whether she is important enough to even open the door?

I agree with lemongrove you are being treated as a duty call so it's not really worth the bother in my opinion.

If it bothers you that much why don't you give her a call and invite her round for a coffee and cake and a good old catch up for an hour that she can schedule into her busy day and tell her you are doing it because she is always in a rush and you wish her visits were a little longer. If it were me I would just be glad she made the effort at all no matter how rushed it is.

Keep a coat by the door to slip on before you answer it, and say “sorry, just going out!”
Seriously though, it must be annoying, as she is treating you as a duty and not a friend.
Still, if you like her, regard it as one of her quirks.

Next time, say you are so sorry you don't have time to invite her in, but you are.........................................(other GNers will have highly inventive suggestions, but 'on the phone to BT ' will do) and hope you can catch up soon.