To care about birthday being ignored?

I should just ignore their birthdays and see how they like it. It’s very ‘out of order’
I just told my partners bf off for ignoring his 50th and they even spoke via Facebook on his birthday. It’s rude and thoughtless

My son doesn't send cards or gifts but it doesn't bother me. He did however turn up from Brazil on my 60th birthday as a complete surprise...so I know he cares!

I was on holiday for my 60th and son and fiancée completely ignored it, not even a text! Was a bit upset, more with future dil as had made big effort for her birthday, just a week before mine! It’s not about the money, I just feel I don’t want to bother with either of their birthdays next year!

I'm wondering too if it's a son thing. My dear late husband never thought about his parents' birthdays unless I reminded him, same with his brother and Mothering Sunday would have also been ignored unless reminded by us wives.
If no card was given it would of course in MIL's eyes have been the wives' fault for not taking this 'job' on.
After an emotional melt-down one year from MIL I bought the damn things myself - now I text BIL to remind him as SIL won't bother. It doesn't take much for MIL to feel unloved and unwanted.

DH and I have an annual competition to see who gets the most birthday cards from 3 sons. We usually average 2 but never a present. It does upset us but one year when we missed one son's birthday (worst 'offender') we got a serious telling off from his wife!

My eldest son (or his wife) always remember our birthdays and anniversary, send cards and presents well in advance of the day. My youngest often forgets - he's on the other side of the world so kind of an excuse but usually sends a text at some point after the event. Even before they emigrated it was a bit hit and miss. It doesn't really bother me but I can understand your hurt that you didn't get cards.

I'm one of the 'couldn't give a flying fig about birthdays' brigade. Once past 21 they seem irrelevant and only remind me of how old I'm getting....best ignored ?. I celebrate my children's birthdays though.

Our daughters remember our birthdays but last weekend was our 50th anniversary. Neither of them sent a card, we have invited them (and their families) to a special lunch in December (haven't been able to arrange anything earlier, I am currently staying with my terminally ill brother to give his wife a break), one still has to let us know, the other told me she hadn't heard very good reports of the restaurant! My OH and I can't help feeling rather upset about it all, we thought we had brought them up to be more polite than that. Ah well, I suppose it's just another day! Happy birthday Nonna. ??

Text and FB have replaced cards for many these days ....I don't like it but accept it is a reality. Not sure presents have ben replaced though, maybe they are waiting until they see you ?

Where I grew up it was the wife's job to remember family birthdays, send Christmas cards, write letters to family and friends at a distance, so I naturally carried on doing so.

Perhaps you did the same? If so, either your DILs were brought up differently or are of the "Their your family, I write to mine" school of thought that explains why your DSs don't write.

Some people too assume, if you are not at home on your birthday that's because you don't want to celebrate it.

If you can let it slide, do so. If not tell your son that you were hurt by him ignoring your birthday.

Fist a very belated happy birthday to You. I was born on Christmas day and I have never ever had a card or a present from any one in my life. I am used to that now and I don't expect one ever, ( and no I am not smug its just what I am used to ) But I do see why you would feel hurt but I think it is just the way of the world now people tend to email or whats app rather than write. Young people are busy and not as family focused as older people might be. I have read all the post and I think not sending a card back is petty and childish. If your kids are thoughtless and selfish you wont change that but if they are just busy and juggling their own lives why make them feel bad for forgetting a card,

Quite right to be disappointed .... I would be too. But I would make sure it didn't happen again! Next year Text him the week before & remind him. Belated Happy Birthday to you ???

I think with the advent of social media & busy? Lives many people have become a little bit lazy about sending cards & find an email or text a quick way of sending greetings . Nothing beats a card in my eyes, but I don't get stressed, or upset if I don't receive one.If they do forget they are usually mortified when they eventually remember, it's become a little game in my head now, will they, won't they ?

What a fuss - I more often than not get a card or phone call or maybe a visit or text from most of my children on or around my birthday - 3 boys and 3 girls -and it has been known to be completely forgotten!
If they didn't do any of the above I would not be offended or upset - they know I love them and I know they love me -and there are far more important things to worry about!

Have to to the defence of 'some' males here. My birthday was midweek and the 'local' (67 miles) son took me to dinner plus card. The one further south sent me a lovely card with a theatre ticket plus long telephone conversation. I've no complaints and, from some of the mail here, seems I am very fortunate. Mmmmmm,.......

I was upset this year. I was 60 while we were on holiday with my daughter and I didn't even receive a card. She and her husband did cook a nice dinner though. I got a card from my son a few days later, I can't blame him, we were away from home. But no present from either, not even a box of chocs.

It hurts! Facebook used to tell u the day before a friends birthday, now it’s on the day , and I. Was so annoyed at myself for forgetting two friends. My adult girls never forget a card for me. Moon pig is great for that as they re not nearby. When my husband forgot my birthday, I waited till he was gone to work before I put up my cards ( mean I know)and they were on the mantelpiece when he came in cardless and presentless! Nothing needed to be said!

Possibly hurts more as I rarely see them, all living away with busy lives.

Thanks everyone for the kind responses. This is the first time this has happened, they are normally very good at sending presents (not so much with cards). No DILs to give reminders, though I know they remembered the date as all sent birthday messages. Oh well, I’ll just have to ‘get over myself’. Thanks also for the birthday wishes.

My sons have never so far forgotten my birthday. My brother used to forget our mother’s just about always. It upset her very much. I doubt if he even knows when my birthday is. He has that strange male habit of leaving these things to his wife.j

I have two sons and get a card and gift from one usually the weekend after my birthday the other sends a card on the day but seldom gift and never anything on mother's day. It's a bit hard when they show days out afternoon teas etc for DILs mum on social media. Happy birthday NonnWa

I agree with paddyann.Cards and presents should be banned for everyone over18.Now I must beat a hasty retreat!!

have to say I dont give a toss about my birthday and not fussed if they remember or not. Usually the grandchildren come up with a home made cake for me which is much appreciated.
I dont expect for two main reasons, 1) I cannot afford to do much for their birthdays, I usually make them a cake. 2) I think cos back to childhood as my mother insisted my birthday ( 28th Nov) was to near Christmas and one year I would get birthday presents and the next year Christmas......and yes even in the years I was young enough for Santa to visit I did without...how cruel and horrible of her.

Birthday before last, I didn't get a single card. DH has PD, but didn't remember anyway, DD2 was on holiday, DD1 was 'getting ready' to go on holiday, (she and SiL wouldn't have dared forget his DM's birthday). I was far more hurt than I would have expected to be. I think that they should be showing an example to the DGC that it's nice to acknowledge the adults in the family's birthdays, as well as their own. When each of the DGC's birthdays came round, I did mention to them that they were very lucky to have received 'all those cards' - granny didn't get a single one. I hoped they might mention this to their DM's! Childish or not?

My uncle used to forget my mum's birthday, nothing unusual about that you're thinking, but they were twins.