What would you do

Say nothing. Don't rock the boat. Would your son and DIL ever like a short break alone without DC - also cheaper if just moved house? Gift of time to busy people always acceptable and you'd also be giving them special time together? For myself I often wish I had said nothing rather then something. Wish you well.

Than

Cherish the good relationship you do have with your younger son. He’s the one who’s there for you.

I am afraid not bugsy555 I have tried everything you could ever suggest with my DIL nothing works. ( that's another 13 year old story! ) Thanks

I would be so hurt that don't think I could stop myself from saying something. I'm definitely not in the 'don't mention it' camp simply because this is a recent development. I wouldn't be rude, but I would try to bring it up in a round about way. I wonder if your younger son will say something about it to his brother, especially if he was outraged.

jefm I hope you're going to be surprised with a lovely bouquet of flowers delivered to your door just in time for Christmas.

Dear gransnetters to bring you up to date. I decided to be true to myself and although I agree it doesn't always pay to speak up I left a voice message with a subtle hint in it hoping there was nothing wrong etc! I had a parcel arrive this morning 2 days later by special delivery, so I will never know if it was coming anyway! My theory is it was a jog in my DS memory that mums / grandmas deserve at least thought at Christmas. Thanks to all.

Sounds like a nice ending for now jefm I'm happy for you. I wouldn't mention it in front of DiL just in case your DS did it quietly being perhaps caught in the middle. If as others have said you can maintain contact with your GC then it won't be long before they are old enough to start acting for themselves although some don't bother think of buying for older relations as it's always been an adult to adult thing unless the parents tell them to do their own xmas shopping. Hope your xmas is a little happier now.

moocow if there was a message with the gift saying ‘from DS and DiL’ then it’s only polite (and wise) to express thanks to DiL as well as to DS.

jefm I suspect your other son had words with him!

Hi my son wrote the gift tag but of course it does say from all of them! As usual I will always thank them both. Cross my fingers that whether it was winging its way late....which is a possibility..or whether the voicemail helped its a step in the right direction and hopefully a " lighter" 2018 than in past years. Happy Christmas to everyone xx

A Happy Ending!

Pleased for you jefm.

Always good to see a happy ending, jefm!

Why not give ds the benefit of the doubt and assume the gift was on its way to you before you left the message? That would explain why he had no qualms about giving his brother gifts right in front of you.

If they hesitated to give you something and only did it because of the message though, just a question - have you ever complained about a gift they gave you or returned it or anything (I know some people do). If so, that might be why they hesitated (if they did).

But for now, I think it's better to just enjoy the gift and assume it was late.

Happy Christmas!

Don’t let the present thing be an issue, they have visited you that shows they care. I understand the disparity in gifts might feel unfair, but there could be lots of reasons you know nothing about. As someone pointed out men are often not the gift buyers and if you and your DIL don’t get on she won’t be pushing him! Years ago my MIL and I fell out after that I left matters of gifts for her up to DH and I know he often forgot!

I was thinking what Squiffy said. Some time in the past you said "oh don't bother with anything for us" at a time you thought he couldn't afford it and he's just got that in his subconscious as an all-time rule

So sorry to hear how sad you were Jeff. I understand, just a little something from the children to their gran. Reading your post had just reminded me that my GC (8) didn’t get nana anything. My dad and his partner agreed no presents for adults. However, technically they are my “children” so I did buy for them. My GS and I spent much time with glue, glitter and paint making things that o hadn’t actually thought about it. I’m lucky that I get to see mine often so I don’t think my scenario is anything like yours at all. I can only hope and wish that as your HC get older and can do a little bit of shopping themselves, then they will buy or make you a gift. One thing to hold on to though, is that I’m sure they love their grandma and thatbin itself is a beautiful gift. I so hope things get better for you in time. I would probably not mention anything to my son as it does sound as though you have a bit of a difficult relationship and I don’t think raising the subject would be helpful tbh. Sending you love and ? and the hope this turns out well for you in time.