AIBU to expect my husband to be awake and talk to me?

Our situation is similar Saggi. DP moans I go out as lot but he won't do anything. I am not prepared to waste my life watching TV. We have a couple of older friends who are both recovering from serious illness. Their lifestyle puts DP to shame. My mum used to say " you are a long time dead".

When my DH was sleeping like this, he saw the doctor and was diagnosed with diabetes. He started sleeping less as soon as he had his medication.

I can fall asleep anytime anywhere but only ever manage four or five at most in bed at night

Mine does that a lot too and he doesn’t work! He does have a host of medical problems, diabetes and sleep apnoea bring two of them. Sometimes when he snores it’s as if he stops breathing so that alone could make your OH very tired. Mine improved s lot when he got s C PAP machine. He might even be low in iron or need a Vit B12 jab so a trip to the doc could be helpful.

Definitely sounds like sleep apnea- my husband was just the same and was finally diagnosed about 10 years ago. He was waking up on average every 6 minutes so his quality of sleep was virtually nil. He was given a c-pap machine which made a huge difference albeit bringing problems of its own as it's a dreadful thing to sleep in and the DVLA have to be informed. He still falls asleep when he sits down but nowhere near as much as he did but he works 12 hours a day so not unexpected at 64. Get him to the GP.

A GP check up for a start however if he is like my husband he just wouldn't go would tell me I am being ridiculous.
All his naps are power naps he's not sleeping so he tell me.
We have more than one TV makes for a quiet life. Live the life you want life can be short.
U3A have lots of interesting groups check your local ones out online.

It’s sounds very much like a medical problem, as he snores it could be sleep apnoea ( hope the spelling is right) so I suggest a visit to your dr.

Mine sleeps 9 solid hours a night ...I manage 4:6 on a good night ..and then it will be fragmented sleep. He then sleeps 3 to 5 hours during the day and evening. He will never go out especially with me...not after somebody mistook me for his daughter!! I’m only 4 years younger than his 71 but he looks 10 years older !! I swim 2 miles a week and try to walk at least 3 miles a day... and I look and feel 10 years younger.!! He is a complete misery and 2 years ago when I retired I decided that I would make my only life. Quite right...life’s much too short to watch him watching t.v or sleeping.

If you do manage to get him to the Docs and all is well then why not make yourself your own room in the house with TV etc . If it is company you want then you may have to accept that you need to develop a social life without him . You only get one life , why waste it watching him sleep . I would also suggest not making him a meal while he sleeps , you are both working after all . It would drive me crazy !

Sorry for above typos- or 2 large gins lol!

Can he stay awKe when out with friends, darts ? bowls, whist etc? Mine can so it must be the fact that after 39yrs of marriage I bore hi my to sleep the evenings that he's home!

Think he needs GP advice and good luck to you on getting him to do that! This could be dibetes or depression or something else. My husband was the same until his blood sugar was sorted. His sleeping before a meal and then afterwards may be significant. Good look on persuading him and very best wishes to you both for 2018.

another suggesting sleep apnoea. My cpap has changed my life from being permanently tired to needing 7 hours night

There's a whole list of reasons why your husband may be behaving like this, mostly medical! Could be T2 diabetes among others so it's important to get him checked out as soon as possible!

I doze off sometimes if I get too comfortable in my reclining seat, normally after the wife's gone to bed! ?

Mine is 64 and can sleep anywhere. If he's bored he sleeps! He sleeps on planes, while I shift and turn trying to get comfortable. Maybe it's a man thing, being able to sleep.

Yes Gabrielle I go to bed at 8.30 too, I work part time but do not have such an early start, but I am a morning person, and 4 am starts don't bother me.We are both home at 3 pm so our time begins then.

I can think of at least ten medical conditions which might cause excessive tiredness.
I agree with everyone else who has suggested a visit to the GP.
If DH is pronounced fit and well, which sounds unlikely, then stick a firework under him!

My DH was the same last year. Turned out his daily aspirin had stripped him of his iron. He's fine now .

I’ve been getting more and more tired and having to nap. Off to gp and turns out my blood sugar is way to high. Type 2 diabetes! Controlling it with a LCHF diet and I already feel much better 1 month in.

Was that correct? Bedtime at 8.30pm? I realise that he has an early start but do you have to get up early too, or do you simply go to bed early because he expects you to go when he does?

RNEKelly......so true. No matter how tired most men become miraculously wakeful in that situation

grandtanteJE65 I think the problem the government are dealing with when it comes to retirement age is largely that so many people don't begin their full adult working lives until 30 these days. So many are studying and gap-yearing till 25 then spend the next few years waiting to settle into a career while they experience various internships and lower paid or casual jobs - if indeed they can find work at all. They're not really paying into their pension till they're 30. When I left school apart from the small minority of people who went to university, we were all settled into our full time working lives by 20 (and seriously you could just walk into a job in those days), thus paying into the NHS and pension system for 10 more years before retirement.

As others have suggested, it's possible he's suffering from sleep apnoea, which needs to be investigated and possibly, treated. It is NOT normal for someone to snore so loudly that another person in the room can't hear the TV!

This is one of the reasons in my opinion that governments are barking up the wrong tree when they want us to retire later and later.

It sounds to me as if you husband is finding his working day far too tiring. Do see if you can get him to the doctor, as there may be a problem that can be cured quite easily.

What time of the day at weekends and holidays is he awake and least tired? Try if you can have a conversation about his tiredness at the time of day he is brightest. Tell him you are worried that he is overtired, perhaps suffering from a vitamin or iron deficiency.

To me he sounds so tired that I doubt good sex will help, as he is probably just too tired.

Ask if there are problems at work, or anything else worrying him.

If you can't get him to the doctor or to discuss the problem, because he just does not see it as a problem, then I am afraid you will have to build a life for yourself up, while he is asleep, but try all the other options first.

Yes Sue, I've just had a months trial with the mask. I already have narcolepsy so that's why I snore. The mask wasn't for me. They put it down to my medication in the end. Life savers for those with apnea though.