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AIBU to expect my husband to be awake and talk to me?

(57 Posts)
paperbackbutterfly Tue 26-Dec-17 10:52:59

In our 60s we bth work fulltime but when we get home I prepare tea while OH has his first nap, we eat tea and he has his second nap (which sometimes lasts most of the evening) if he does wake up to watch a film he always has a third nap before bedtime. He snores loudly all the time and I can't hear the TV. I've tired suggesting he goes to bed but he says it's too early then falls asleep again. I just sit there getting so cross. Most evenings he sleeps for about 5 of the 7 hours we are up. He doesn't like going out (too tired) and he still sleeps all night. At weekends he sleeps during the day too. If we do visit people he goes to sleep there as well. I feel like I spend all my time on my own

OldMeg Tue 26-Dec-17 11:01:07

Get a TV in your bedroom and send him up there to fall asleep watching it. Then at least you get to watch in peace and quiet.

Some people age more quickly than others and it would seem to be he is one of them, finding full-time work very tiring. Might be worth a trip to GP though

aggie Tue 26-Dec-17 11:01:20

Snoring like that suggests a medical problem , get him to the Doc to be checked for Apnea

Niobe Tue 26-Dec-17 11:19:33

My husband (74 years old) seems to fall asleep several times a day for up to 15-30 mins at a time. Fortunately he doesn't snore much so I just ignore him.

Squiffy Tue 26-Dec-17 11:39:23

I’m with Aggie and think he should be checked out. Sleep apnoea seems like a possibility and is something that needs investigating.

Humbertbear Tue 26-Dec-17 11:40:08

My husband is in his 70s and can have a couple of naps in the day and often sleeps in the evening. I plan my own life and go out when I want. Life is too short to spend watching him sleep. This seems to be a male thing as they get older

loopyloo Tue 26-Dec-17 12:07:52

He should have his blood sugars checked.

jusnoneed Tue 26-Dec-17 13:33:07

Mine falls asleep whenever he's sat and relaxed. It can be quiet funny watching him, Head getting lower, then suddenly lifts before slowly going down again. Arm twitching etc, and if he starts to snore it usually wakes him up.
He even manages to nod off when he is watching something on his laptop while wearing headphones! Evenings he tends to disappear upstairs fairly early, can often hear his snoring from downstairs.

Auntieflo Tue 26-Dec-17 14:00:44

Jusnoneed, I've got one like that. He won't give in and put his feet up and head back, no, just drops off, cup of tea in hand. When I see it begin to wobble, then I wake him.

cornergran Tue 26-Dec-17 14:03:06

I think a medical checkup paperback. Better safe than sorry. We all age differently and maybe he is exhausted, but it does sound severe. Hope there’s a resolution for you both.

FarNorth Tue 26-Dec-17 14:17:39

I'm another one saying persuade him to see the GP. If there turns out to be nothing actually wrong, and he's just overtired, could he reduce his hours at work?

lemongrove Tue 26-Dec-17 14:24:42

My DH has the superpower to fall asleep anywhere anytime he is warm and comfy, frankly I envy him! tchgrin it’s not the getting older, he has always done it.Doesn’t bother me at all though, I have plenty of things to do.

Seaside22 Tue 26-Dec-17 14:43:45

Sounds very annoying ! Must admit I wouldn't be happy either.My husband is 64 works full time in a manual job, with a 4 am start, has a short nap sometimes when he gets home, but then we both stay awake until bedtime at 8.30 pm.I would persuade him to have a check up.

silverlining48 Tue 26-Dec-17 16:37:32

Mine too, sleeps at the drop of a hat. Currently asleep. Again. We are home alone and my company is r4. I am so envious, not only am i unable to nap during the day, i also dont sleep at night.

humptydumpty Tue 26-Dec-17 16:42:55

I agree with the GP, but strongly advise getting a TV in another room so you can watch without the snoring!

midgey Tue 26-Dec-17 17:41:22

Really interesting programme on radio 4 about sleep yesterday. Sounds like your husband might have a problem going on the programme! Might be worth listening to it on catch.

NanKate Tue 26-Dec-17 17:47:32

He could have an under active thyroid like me. I find it hard to keep awake after 9.30pm and will have had a sleep in the afternoon. I envy people with energy.

I agree with those who suggest you you do your own thing and leave him to it.

Nandalot Tue 26-Dec-17 18:17:50

My DH, 70, has started dropping off quite frequently late afternoon and evening. Mostly he denies he is asleep but the snoring proves otherwise. If I suggest he should go to bed he still insists on having his Horlick and crackers and wakes himself up !

paddyann Tue 26-Dec-17 18:42:57

sounds like a health issue to me too,get him to a GP

Bluegal Tue 26-Dec-17 19:24:41

paperbackbutterfly I think you've just got into a 'comfortable' routine. Why don't you NOT prepare tea when you get home?Perhaps if he has NO tea...he will not fall asleep? ha ha ha.... Tell him you are going OUT and he has to prepare his own....just a thought.....

vampirequeen Tue 26-Dec-17 19:42:02

I'm afraid I'm a bit of a nodder offer. Most times I could sleep on a line. I know none sleepers envy me but tbh it can be as much of a curse as insomnia. No matter how much sleep I get I'm still tired. You may nap for 15 to 30 minutes. If I nap during the day then I'm out of it for 2, 3 or even more hours. Sometimes when it becomes too much my body switches off and I sleep for anywhere up to 3 days. DH has to wake me to drink but I don't eat. I've been checked by my GP and I'm OK but for some reason I need more sleep than most. Perhaps your DH is the same but it's important he gets checked out first.

NannyTee Tue 26-Dec-17 20:02:46

I used to nod off standing up. Turned out I had Narcolepsy. This followed with Cataplexy and sleep paralysis. Scary stuff ladies .

GrandmaMoira Tue 26-Dec-17 20:09:48

Whilst your DH obviously needs a GP check, it could be that simply a full time job is exhausting him. I was always utterly exhausted for several years before I retired. I thought getting older meant feeling ill. As soon as I retired I felt fine and my energy returned.

Eloethan Wed 27-Dec-17 00:29:51

I agree with those who think this might be a medical issue. I feel sorry for you - and for him because he's sleeping his life away.

RNEKelly Wed 27-Dec-17 10:13:52

He needs a Medical check up first.
He may have Sleep Apnea (easily treated)
When he is cleared medically, then you should have a conversation with him about your not make this about him, but rather how the situation makes “you” feel....ask for his help, most men want to ‘rescue’ their woman.
Also a woman can easily get a man’s attention with some good sex. Works for me all the time.