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Misery loves company

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Eglantine21 Wed 27-Dec-17 10:42:48

Every time you put your needs aside and bow to his, write what you would really have liked on a post it and stick it up somewhere obvious so he can read it. He probably genuinely doesn't realise how often you give way, because he is content.
When he sees the total over a week say it might give him pause for thought.
Obviously tell him why you are doing it. And give him a different colour pack of post its so he can do the same. You might both be surprised smile

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Elegran Wed 27-Dec-17 10:42:37

Have you actually told him that it makes you very sad not to have any joyful celebrations of anything good in your life? Or have you gone along with his glumness for so long that it has become the norm? Make a stand - you are not asking for a wild party every night, you just want to be happy in the company of family and friends.

Invite people round for a New Year's Eve get-together. If he is as nice a man as you describe, he will do it for you. If he won't, he can go to bed early with a hot water bottle and ear-plugs.

The saying you quote in the title means that someone miserable loves other people to be miserable too - so for years he has had you join him in his boring isolation. Now it is your turn to have HIM join YOU in being more sociable for a change.

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GlamM Wed 27-Dec-17 10:17:15

Well that was a seriously underwhelming boring damp crappy Christmas, which kind of brings to the near end a pretty shitty year .
My DH whom I love dearly has the polar opposite idea of what family Christmas- family- joy-parties gatherings- is all about.
Now I know that some people don't really do large family gatherings.
With my DH this extends to all family at all times of the year for anything. My 50th birthday next year " I don't know why you insist on a party" for our 10th anniversary also next year " don't bother arranging anything I don't want a party or anything" "Don't buy me anything for Christmas I'm not buying you anything" ( he really didn't either) "don't buy me anything for my birthday I hate birthdays/Christmas/general joyfulness"

I find myself feeling very sad today, I've been thinking about all the times I always give him what he wants, when, where , with whom.

I feel very unequal, this is not a good feeling.
He would be upset if he knew i felt like this, because he is a genuinely caring man, he just doesn't understand or acknowledge the amount of allowances I make, and i guess I am feeling a little resentful.

Its kinda all his family, friends, wants , needs etc. how can someone be so kind but so blind...

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