To add a bit of background this is the same friend I posted a while ago about despite literally hundreds of hours of hospitality at our house over the years, she had never reciprocated once with an invite for coffee ,a meal or even to come in if I'm collecting her to go somewhere.
As suspected she has become something of a hoarder and I'd recently decided despite several offers to call in ,help practically etc when she broke her leg in August not to force the issue as she obviously wanted to keep her home very private.After a couple weeks of no communication she did phone and half jokingly accused me of being a stranger.So risking estrangement I did point put that any offers to come to hers whilst she was unable to drive had been rebuffed,but I was happy to meet at our usual cafe for a catch up once she was mobile again.Somewhat hesitantly she suggested picking her up.I went,and had no intention of putting her on the spot and going inside.But much to my surprise I got ushered in whilst she got her coat and crutches.And yes her house is unrecognisable from when I first knew her,and did some cat feeding for her.Stuff everywhere, piles of it and she was apologetic. I said ,and I meant it, that I had come to see her and not her house.And joked that just as she liked to collect things,and her possessions meant a lot to her,I was a compulsive de-cluttered and she knew that.And then we headed out for coffee -with me taking her on some errands on the way and buying the coffee and cakes.Something that in hindsight I've realised is usually the case.Me paying that is.
So in the 3 months she was not able to drive that was the only time we met up.Until last week.When we had arranged a catch up at the same cafe the Thursday before Xmas.Meeting there as she's now driving.However that morning I woke feeling dreadful,achy ,full of cold and not even well enough to work.So I phoned and appologised.We had already agreed not to buy presents this year -my idea and largely down to despite her saying how worried about money she often is,despite a tendancy for her to buy a ridiculous amount of stuff for us at Xmas.So we had a brief chat,I really felt diabolical, and agreed to reschedule a meet up straight after Xmas.
Then 2 days later,the day before Xmas eve.When DH was now full of the lurgy ,I still felt rubbish but was trying to do a bit of Xmas cooking.A loud banging on the door and there she was.With a present,and obviously in the mood for a chat.I did say DH isn't well,he scooted off to the bedroom,and that I still wasn't right but stupidly found myself offering her a cuppa.Well 2 hours later I had to drop massive hints,that I was flagging and needed to finish my jobs and have a rest. Eventually she took the hint and left.But tbh ever since I have felt angry ,and resentful.There was no text message or call to say how do you feel,is it OK to call in.I really feel it's always on her terms.And my patience is running out.I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable but I feel the friendship has all but run it's course.Am I BU ?It really has nothing to do with our different styles of housekeeping. That's neither here nor there.I just don't feel like being quite so amenable anymore.
Washerwoman Fri 29-Dec-17 15:32:39
DanniRae Fri 29-Dec-17 15:44:08
OldMeg Fri 29-Dec-17 15:49:24
Flowerpower22 Fri 29-Dec-17 15:51:29
MissAdventure Fri 29-Dec-17 15:52:24
Anniebach Fri 29-Dec-17 16:07:26
Madgran77 Fri 29-Dec-17 16:22:36
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lemongrove Fri 29-Dec-17 16:32:03
varian Fri 29-Dec-17 17:30:49
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suzied Fri 29-Dec-17 17:45:38
jenpax Fri 29-Dec-17 18:21:53
BlueBelle Fri 29-Dec-17 18:31:31
Washerwoman Fri 29-Dec-17 19:13:48
etheltbags1 Fri 29-Dec-17 20:56:28
Elegran Fri 29-Dec-17 21:41:53
Eloethan Fri 29-Dec-17 23:49:01
Jalima1108 Fri 29-Dec-17 23:56:15
Yogagirl Sat 30-Dec-17 09:18:11
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inishowen Sat 30-Dec-17 12:44:17