Pitfalls & benefits of anonymity?!

I am the same whether online or in RL, I am afraid I call a spade a shovel and probably come across as brusque. I am afraid I don't go in for pussy footing.

Ailsa that's a pretty awful thing to have happened to you. I'm glad GNHQ helped, but sad it was necessary.

PS There was a thread on here recently and if that had been the very first one I read, I would have been out of here like a shot. It featured frequent posters and reading the posts I felt like they were speaking in a different language all of a sudden. Talk about undercurrents.

Thank you Wilma, and Happy New Year to you.

To you too.

Same here as in RL. Still miss the group I belonged to for over ten years with aol. But some lovely people here

jenpax is so right - on my first post over a year ago I was attacked so badly by a number of people, and it nearly destroyed me - therefore this is only my 2nd post on here. It would appear that there are a huge lot of vicious women on here - I think it is atrocious - and destructive and very hurtful. You "ladies" should be ashamed of yourselves.

Ailsa, I'm so sorry you were treated like that, but glad GNHQ tackled it.
I'm glad of the anonymity, only my DH knows I'm on GN and that is only because I had to tell him why I was disappearing to Edinburgh for the meet up. Offloading worries without upsetting my family is such a bonus.
I wouldn't dream of being rude or attacking other posters, as I would hate it to happen to me. I'm just the same on here as real life. (Well maybe not when I'm in the Argy cafe in my other persona)
It is upsetting when some posters "attack" other posters in the disguise of a "robust" discussion. I just can't understand why they are like that.

It is only here have I been mocked for spelling errors or attacked for having a different understanding of a word to the attacker. Had plenty of disgreements on other forums but never encountered the bullying which takes place here

I rarely post, but have a look in to catch up most days. I would find it difficult to be other than I am in my my everyday life, and I’m often amazed at the reactions of some of posters - it makes me wonder what they’re like in person!

I am a very open book and have learnt over the years that you can usually say what you want, when you want, as long as it does not unfairly offend. Being calmly direct usually clears up many situations, as everyone knows exactly what they are dealing with. There have been many unkind and unnecessary harsh comments here over the year, and I have often wondered why some women feel the need for such destructive criticism, instead of constructive advice. We all make mistakes, most wish they could turn the clock back and re address the past, however we can’t, so it’s all about life’s learning curves and finding a way forward, supporting each other with our wealth of life experiences. We should not be afraid of speaking out for fear of being verbally assaulted. Keep your words sweet, one day you may have to eat them !!

I do agree- I've not been attacked personally , but right from the start I've noticed a tendency to bully or gang up unnecessarily on people, particularly cruel when someone is new. Several times I've tried to stand up for people being attacked and once or twice had pms thanking me. Some long term members seem to be a bit cliquey too. It's a shame as this site can be so friendly and supportive too. Disagreeing is one thing (and reasonable in a discussion) but personal abuse is just not on.

Yes, I too have experienced the habit of harsh comments to people posting for the first time. I hope I don't come over as harsh to new posters, I try not to.

I assume that being anonymous does perhaps sub-consciously make us freer in our way of expressing ourselves and that it sometimes is just a little too much.

Perhaps we all need to remember that we are communicating with a lot of different people who express themselves differently and take things differently, and in a written communication the tone of voice cannot be heard or body language seen, both of which soften verbal communication.

I was wonderfully supported last November , such kindness , will always be grateful , was in such a dark place I didn't want to live . There is a clique here though .

I hope that we can all feel free to make our comments (anon or otherwise) without resorting to nastiness. Many cliques develop online as well as in RL - I guess that's human nature. Another site I visit can be quite spiteful. I sometimes make a comment on FB and I'm sure I'm much more circumspect on that as it is in my own name.

I would hope that I'd only ever say on a forum what I would say to the person's face.

However, I do think there is a small minority of people (particularly on another, completely different forum I've been on for a long time) who enjoy having a safe, anonymous go at other people, and even being cruel and insulting. I often wonder whether in real life they're timid types with low self esteem, who would never dare to say such things to anyone's face.

jenpax

IMO we are judgemental whether we think so or not, whether we know someone or not. We judge everyone we talk to or see or contact. Think about it. My local baker once said that I look 'kind' but in reality I am quite a tough cookie and say what I think, although not in a confrontational way. It's an automatic reaction and perfectly normal to make snap judgements about people and situations which can be constantly refined if one gets to know the person or as a situation unfolds.
If I appeared before you with my head shaved and piercings in my face, you would immediately have some preconceived notions about my lifestyle which may or may not be ameliorated if you knew me over a period of time.
As it is, I do not have a shaved head nor any piercings but wears programmes to judge on looks, lifestyles, the car we drive, the cleanliness of our homes, the way we bring up our children etc etc. I rest my case.

Oops! * but we are programmed...

But that still wouldn't be an excuse to be rude to you.

Cliques are unhealthy. And ALL bullies are unhappy people otherwise they would have no need to behave the way they do!!

Me too. Truth wins out.

I am me on here and in the outside world.

I'm probably more "cautious" when I post. (I'm very aware that what's online, is out there forever!) But what I post is genuinely "from me".

Not the short posts but for longer answers I just imagine I am talking things through with a friend.

I post infrequently on here, although read many threads avidly. I suppose this is the only place where I have confided the fact that I have no friends. I have always tried to be kind and not judgemental; I hope I am always like this on social media as well as in RL. I did disappear for a while when I was attacked for something I'd said - nothing controversial, but obviously it did not agree with how the attacker felt. It was about weight.

I wish I could feel braver at times, but I have a need to be liked, I suppose, and would hate to be attacked again. What a wimp I am!