Pitfalls & benefits of anonymity?!

No it doesn't make a difference to me.

I was about to write that I am exactly the same on GN as I am in real life. Then I remembered contributing to a thread about what colour knickers we wore! As I would consider that far too cheeky to answer normally, I suppose anonymity must make me less inhibited. I try to keep my posts light-hearted (not politics/ religion) and I'm aware that I have been fortunate compared to many others so avoid giving advice about personal situations I know nothing about. In real life I am more prepared to help because I know my friends circumstances.

MissAdventure

No, absolutely not.
I love the variety of people I meet and have met and feel very grateful for the opportunity to learn of other people's lifestyles though they may not chime with my own or mine theirs. Bullying and/or making disparaging remarks is not in my nature but telling the truth IS. As a retired lawyer, I often had to sort the wheat from the chaff and I suppose that's where my no-frills way of communicating stems from. As I'm not on fb, Twitter or any of those hatchet-job, soul baring sites so beloved of the vultures waiting to pick over the flesh of easy prey, I don't care how identifiable I might be. I have nothing to hide, some things I could have done better and many that have turned out ok. No regrets. People matter to me, much more than anything else in life. You get back twice what you freely give.

I have found to my cost that when Brexit is topic some posters do become rude; accusing others of having only one brain cell.

I read a lot of the threads on this site and am impressed by so many Gransnetters for their insight, compassion and common sense. However, I also have to say that I've been shocked by the rudeness, judgementalness (if there's such a word) and sheer nastiness shown by some. When I read a particularly vitriolic comment I can't help wondering if that person is also that way "off-post" or whether the anonymity of websites enables this sort of thing. As for me, I don't post very often but WYSIWYG.

I try to be polite and measured and not to offend others. However, it is impossible to admit to any but a liberal, virtue signalling position in public without attracting opprobrium, anger and insults so it is something of a releief to be able to put a different perspective on things where it is relevant and anonymity allows one to do this.

I have always been interested and involved in politics and I express political views just as strongly in RL as I might do on GN. I think that on the political forum it should be possible to robustly disagree without making personal attacks on those with other views.

In the last few years we have seen elections, the 2014 Scottish referendum and the 2016 EU referendum, all of which have been strongly debated.

Brexit is the most divisive issue of our lifetimes. There has been a great deal of evidence and reporting about how different types of people were more likely to vote one way or the other but quoting these findings is not the same as stating that every poster on the other side of the argument is in a certain category. Because feelings have run so high some Gnetters have taken offense because they interpret certain statistical facts as a personal insult.

When we debate important political matters we should not be told to stop being downright spiteful about other countries' business and the way others choose to vote which is nothing to do with you. It is everything to do with all of us, and our children and grandchildren. That is the nature of politics.

So many people who are so sure they are always polite - and that others are not.

I think when enough people tell or imply that a poster is being offensive or rude , then that person should get the message, but as is often the case we don't recognise in ourselves that which we are quick to criticise in others.

Ailsa43 how horrible for you. I feel admin should also have banned the member.

I don't actually feel anonymous on here. Especially when I have just posted a comment and then find that the thread has been shared by GN on FB. I dont hide behind my name as I try to be kind all the time. But I must admit when some posters are posting on a thread I don't post even if I feel I have something to offer. After 18 months as a member I still feel on the outside looking in.

I can identify with that feeling Daisyboots,& have tried to work out whether it is something in my make up that makes me feel the way I do or whether someone is actually being rude or offensive. As humans we have developed the ability to read gestures etc when we are in conversation, but this important part of communication is not available to us on social sights, I think that this is part of the problem.

Ailsa43

I woukd never let anyone make me feel insecure or bullied. Words are just words and believe me, I've had some choice ones thrown my way. Not everyone in this world is rational and I find it much easier to agree with whatever the abuser is saying, no matter what it might be. What can they then say if you are agreeing with them? In your own mind of course, you know that they're crazy and can inwardly laugh at their futile attempts to make you feel uncomfortable. I would never ever let anyone chip away at my sense of self worth. Water off a duck's back. Just let them rant away and hum to yourself. They're not worth getting upset over.

Sorry. *would.

I'm the same in RL as on here!
With me, WYSIWYG, I'm a straight talking northerner, and that applies whether I'm anonymous or otherwise!

Clearly I have been using the site incorrectly! I use my own name and have no desire to shelter behind anonymity.

That's part of what I mean how do we differentiate between straight talking & being offensive when not face to face. I don't wish to offend anyone , but on sites such as this I some times feel uncomfortable that I am going to offend someone or be offend myself simply because we are not able to read signs, body language etc,

It would be very dull if we all agreed but there is a difference between rational argument, putting a different point of view with reasons as opposed to name calling, disparaging a comment with judgemental words like stupid or using mocking words.
Some people are clearly old opponents that enjoy a ding dong.

I try and be kind , and usually err on the side of ‘ if you can’t say anything nice say nothing at all’.

I think I’m pretty much the same in real life , maybe not so quick to fire from the hip because I fully recognise words wound.

What I would say is there are some posters who the moment I see their names in a thread I can pretty much foretell which way the threads going. There are one or two who are so harsh that I cringe when I read their posts.

I am sure they would say they’re only being frank and that it’s only that they’re defending their corner. There’s always a kinder way of phrasing a comment ( they just don’t use it!).

I think I'm the same on here as in RL, although I don'tseem to meet people in real life like some of the more 'outgoing' posters on here!

However, I have learnt not to take some remarks to heart and to say to myself that I don't know most of these people and it is, as another poster said up-thread, just water off a duck's back now, although you can also learn a lot from someone with opposing views - as long as they are presented rationally.

The one thing I can't seem to stop myself doing is to rush in to defend anyone who is being 'bullied' by a group and have got myself into trouble for doing so.
I decided that my NY resolution would be not to rush in where angels fear to tread - but I suspect that one will fall by the wayside!

paddyann re your post at the top - although you say I have said things here that close friends dont know and thats good. someone could recognise you and it could appear on FB and Twitter, but ultimately it is up to all of us how much we divulge.

My other NY resolution is to practice some precis.

PS feel free to point out my typos.

OldMeg here's one
tings
But actually it sounds much nicer than 'things'

Tings - like a walk in the park
Tings - like a kiss in the dark
Tings - like a sailboat ride

So let's think of a group, a number of people, the sort of people who think because it's them they can be rude enough to actually tell or imply that, in their opinion, someone else is being 'rude', nothing specific, just rude.

I guarantee these will be people who are in entrenched disagreement with the opinion the person they are accusing is offering. Never mind rudeness, you may not disagree. You will, at the same time, find a similar and equal number of people saying "good post" or agreeing with what has been written or simply finding the accusing post funny.

Usually they are the same people who will be happy to be personally insulting while not talking about the thread at all in order just to try and stop that opinion being posted or even a poster they have taken a dislike to posting. But of course, they will come on a thread like this and tell us they are NEVER rude. Being 'rude' in their world is someone disagreeing with their opinion as, of course, their opinion is fact and no one should have the temerity to disagree or even question it. Making derogatory personal remarks is not rudeness in their world.

I imagine some of you are already bristling because I have dared to disagree with what you have said here - that's GN, nothing to do with anonymity and everything to do with the culture of the people involved.

I hope you have found GN supportive too, Gracesgran

I remember it well, singing at the top of our voices whilst swinging in the park( that would be on a swing , just in case anyone things I mean the swinging, was far to young then to know what that was !! )

should read : the other sort of swinging!