Pitfalls & benefits of anonymity?!

I think posting on line is quite different from face to face chat, when you can read expressions and body language. It is sometimes easy to misinterpret what is written, and it can sometimes sound harsher than face to face. I know that when texting friends they have often got the wrong end of the stick!

I don't feel anonymous on Gransnet.

I try to be Ok although I have been accused of not taking things seriously. I admit to being a little terse when an OP asks for an opinion, 99% of posters give their opinion that the OP got it wrong and then the cry is "You are all being unkind to me".
Also not very good when people don't want a solution but come back with the same problem over and over again.
And hate it when a discussion about an abstract suddenly turns into a personal attack, often about some previous unrelated post.
In fact, I can see, I'm not very tolerant at all!! Must do better.

Being anonymous prompts disclosure - often people are afraid of owning up to their true feelings or of sharing their experiences when they may be blamed. It is, however, no excuse for being rude to anybody. Personally, my behaviour doesn't change - I am anonymous on this site but not on facebook or on other support sites, and I speak my mind and the truth on all. I do believe, however, that the internet should be used for good things and not bad, and I do think that if anybody can't contribute constructively to a discussion they should keep their comments to themselves.

Your not a whimp Musicelf, you can be braver and be liked , I was so timid when I joined here, got a earful within days but thankfully received a few PM's which were welcoming so I stuck with it.

When I came across this forum I was feeling really down and looking for help as our daughter had become estranged. I will never forget the nasty comments I received from people who just decided what my problem and circumstances were. They ranged from what have you done to her to loads of them on here, there’s a special thread..... letting me know how not interested they were as the topic was of no interest to them. When I have posted on other topics I am ignored as there is a clique on here, only certain members opinions are valued. Some of you were very kind and sent me private messages saying you didn’t post either because you had received the same abuse. Such a shame that people feel so intimidated that they won’t post and yet could have some valuable advice. How friendly is it really when people are private messaging each other their support instead of being able to show that support openly on here. Too afraid to disagree and risk attack. Before people are nasty ... I am not the only one saying this on this thread.
Ailsa43 for what you just posted, how many commented or cared? So sorry this happened to you........I too have had to seek help from admin
Back to reading and not commenting for me.....

I don't post very often, and don't know how you find answers to your posts. Do you leave the page open, or click on "Watch this thread"? Having said that, I read every day and have been so encouraged by most of the posts to other GNs in the same situation, which in the main are practical and kind. My husband died in August, and comments by other widows have helped me to be grateful for the 47 years I had with a wonderful husband, and to look ahead to a new "era". So thank you all, and a Happy New Year.

Same on here as I am everywhere else. I hate bullying and the ganging up mentality that is prevalent on annoymous internet sites, just as much as I hate it irl. I often wonder what those people are really like.

What ever comments I make I would have no hesitation in making face to face and as shown none of us identify ourselves by using our real names My self included. If there is, out there, someone with that name I apologise.
I am frequently saddened reading the experiences of so many on GN and I am sure to be able to off load ones problems to those who are anonymous must be of comfort and has helped in putting them on the right path or given comfort in knowing they are not alone.

Thank you, Anniebach.

When people post on here about their problems they surely have to be prepared to read all types of comments. If they only want to hear the advice they like then what's the point of seeking general comments. The truth can be harsh but the truth nevertheless. I'm amazed that lots of people claiming not to be rude here today are the very same ones who have often said the most dreadful things about Mr Trump ( and other public figures), some even calling for his assassination. Draw on your own life experiences to give advice -yes, but stop being downright spiteful about other countries' business and the way others choose to vote which is nothing to do with you.

Definitely, people who reach out for support should be free to do so, without being fearful. Its an absolute lifeline when you've nobody close to confide in or ask advice from, and that's the whole idea of this site.

I too only joined this year, haven’t posted often and have no idea how to start a new thread. I read all the threads with interest and have come to know what to expect from the regular posters. The vast majority are kind, helpful and supportive. The few angry and divisive ones are obviously unhappy souls in need of comfort so come to the right place. Try not to be put off by the few aa they are mahoussively outweighed by the kind gransnetters.
Happy new year to all x

Oops went off thread. Yes I do think anonymity makes us a bit braver not always for the better but also allows us to confide and share things we might not want other friends and family to know about.

Oops again ‘only joined this year’ LAST year of course

Need the truth as one sees it be put harshly though?

Nope. Its a shame with all the threads about grammar, etc, that some people haven't learned how to communicate in a respectful manner.

Generally most people are thoughtful and kind in their postings. Of course sometimes tings get a bit out of hand as points of views and personalities clash.

I’m sure there are others who, like me, would love to say ‘FFS take a break and stop whingeing on and on’ or words to that effect. But I’ve never yet see that posted so there is obviously a grear deal of restraint being exercised.

I’ve yet to see someone in genuine distress who doesn’t get the full backing and support of any of us who are online at the time.

PS feel free to point out my typos.

I'm forthright, "tell like it is" but hopefully not rude. Always think about what I am writing before "pressing the button"!

I find the anonimity allows me to be more open with my thoughts. Also I think the process of writing without the 'baggage' that friends/family define you by enables you to define issues more concisely. Sometimes, of course, you realise when reading a long thread that some vital piece of information has been missed out!
I have received very supportive help on GN and have been given a broader perspective too so am very grateful to people who have taken the time to contribute.

quizqueen in response to the first part of your post, it's not always about what has been said, it's the way it's been said. Hard truths can still be phrased in a kind way, or at least not in a harsh way. I'm not going to comment on the second half of the your post.

Anonymity is essential on the WWW if you value your security. It may be impossible to have total anonymity but limiting that as much as possible is a very wise choice.

Remember that everything you put on the Internet is recorded for all time.

What you do with anonymity is up to you but I try to write as I would anywhere else.

'Oh wid some poower the giftie gie us to see oorsels as ithers see us'

I have no idea if I am the same on Gransnet as in real life. I certainly am not conscious of any difference. I have met quite a lot of Gransnetters at meet-ups and felt I 'knew' them already. I remember saying at the first ever meet-up in Glasgow that it was as if the characters in a favourite book had come to life.

It seems to me that most of us are multifaceted, can be kindness itself on one thread and quite strident on another if the topic is one we feel passionate about.We can all appear to be insensitive at times, particularly when the OP has not given us the full story, such that early comments seem harsh once all the background is known (same applies when people leap into a thread having read only the OP and not all the twists and turns as the thread develops.

I really don't think that there are posters who deliberately set out to be nasty and cause upset. However, I am not fond of those who are 'know it alls' and regularly put down other posters because of a perceived lack of education or knowledge. Often the poster who is slighted in this manner, knows through personal experience much more about the topic than the one claiming to be an expert because they have read all about it.

I too, got fed up with the 'same old' Gransnet for a time, but now, being semi housebound, I'm back as a regular as it is a lifeline for friendship, support, interesting conversations and a bit of fun. God Bless Gransnet and all who post on her.

I try never to be rude. Like Paddyann, being anonymous leads to me being more open.