Gransnet makes me feel lonely

I understand how you feel, jamsidedown. Sometimes I will have typed a long post and then thought better of it and deleted it, thinking ‘nobody will care what I think’.

I lurk more than I post but I have made some lovely friends on here who have helped me through some trying times.

Please don't give up. I felt lost here when I joined , it seemed everyone knew everyone , I thought - I don't belong here.

I stayed and thank God I did , laughter, disagreements, compassion, support, all here . You will find the same x

Hi Jamsidedown, good to to read your post, I do understand where you are coming from. I think there are some threads where the topic is a passion ( usually politics ) with some posters, they do not seem very tolerant to any views expressed by posters who they deem to be less well informed than themselves & this is when it can get a bit nasty & personal, some threads are almost a closed shop. But there are lots of threads that are very enjoyable & more lighthearted, hopefully you will find some you like, you are not alone, there are far more of us ' unpicked lovelies ' than there are of the 'chosen few' thank goodness?

And, those of us who have been here a while do get to 'know' about others - just like any new group you might join. You will feel more comfortable as time goes on!!

Hi jamsidedown don't worry the comments you made have applied to many of us on GN from time to time. As another poster said its not a chat room so there are not always responses on any given topic. GN is less cliquey now than it was, just a group of people sometimes get heated over political issues. Don't be put off, keep the posts coming and you will soon get responses. Good luck.

Hello jamsidedown ?
I haven’t seen your user name before, so perhaps put more posts on here and then everybody will get to know you.
I had never thought about posts being ‘replied to’ or worried about it, after all they are going to be read by other posters which is what matters on a forum.
On political/ news threads I put what I think, but temper honesty with kindness on threads where somebody has a
Problem because in my view, that’s what is needed.
The games threads are a good place to do regular posts.

Jamsidedown, I was saying to my sons how great Gransnet is for the quality of the grans' comments on relationships especially. And in an age of loneliness what a good service Gransnet is! Then I noticed that nobody at all had offered any moral support on a personal problem that I explained. I did feel rebuffed. So revised my over-enthusiasm for Gransnet. However on balance the loving kindness outweighs the apparent rejections.

Nanawind's comment ("Don't worry you are not the only one feeling like that")just above this one is important because the feeling of rejection , of not being normal for the group , is a large part of loneliness and anxiety.

Maybe start by putting an opinion on the forum about tv programs or joining in with the games, that is good fun.

I love going on Gransnet every morning, i find reading posts more real and interesting than the newspaper!!!

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and obviously other may not agree but dont worry about it, that is life.

Welcome to our life jamsidedown

You just have to jump in and post. Many of us don't get replies as such. This is not a chat room in the sense that every one gets instant responses.
If you browse through threads you will see that anyone just comments.
It is a sort of free for all on who posts on what subject anyone can make a comment or an observation.
I do not feel put out if nobody responds.

Listen, you who still feel loners, bight the bullet and just keep posting. I can fully understand about feeling shy or such but it is worth it to keep on.

I snuck into GN when DD anounced she was pregnant and lurked. When my first GS was born and I posted that I was now a real grandmother and not just a lurker.
The response of congratulations from everyone amazed me I thought people would just take it for granted.

We have not had any new gransnet babies to celebrate for a good while though.

I really should be on my way to the shops right now I have Seville Marmalade to make. Not lurking on GN

Thank you.

Really good post, mollie!

The problem with lurking is that no one knows you’re there. If you see the same old names over and over it’s because they are the same people who are jumping in and having their say. And on most threads people post their opinions re the OP rather than responding to individual posts so it’s fairly rare to get an actual response to your own post if you’ve just responded to, not started, a thread. Killing a thread is more about joining the conversation too late than putting people off because you’ve entered the room. It’s rarely personal, just bad timing.

I used to join in the contentious threads but didn’t like the heated discussions. Mistakenly, I took those personally and soon learned best to steer clear. Recently I’ve started a lot of theeads asking for domestic advice and these lovely people are always very keen and helpful with tips and ideas and aive learned a lot (who knew white vinegar was so useful?). Some threads never really get going - the trick seems to be to ask something that a lot of people like to give their opinion on but it’s a mystery what that might be. I never follow other people and only ‘chat’ with them. I think you will have to try again and jump right in and give up the lurking. Good luck.

Hello and welcome to a fellow lurker.
Jamsidedown you have taken the words right out of my mouth. I also only post occasionally and I feel as though my posts are ignored.
Don't worry you are not the only one feeling like that. Sometimes just reading can make you feel better as other threads are relevant to
something you are experiencing.

I have sometimes felt that my posts only appear on my computer screen because they are completely ignored and a conversation will continue as if I hadn't posted!! I think this probably happens to a lot of us and as you can see from all the replies you are not alone. Do keep posting

Jamsidedown you could have posted for me when I first joined I got a nice welcome from a few and my confidence soared then after a while I plucked up the courage to post and it went down like a lead balloon I ‘felt’ everyone was close friends backing each other up and I was the outsider I either seemed to kill a thread or be ignored I got really disillusioned and for a year or more didn’t even come on here to look, then ( I ve no idea why) I decided to start posting again and now I plod on whether people answer me or not I sometimes open a thread which doesn’t go far but hey ho maybe it wasn’t that interesting I am so interested in people and when it comes to problems I try my hardest to give an honest oppinion even if it’s not what the poster wants to hear I also try to not be nasty although some posters asking about problem don’t really want honesty they want ohhs and ahhs and honesty can be seen as harshness
I have made a lovely virtual friend on here through a thread I posted and we share weekly (about) chats now although we rarely speak on threads well apart from my original one I don’t think we have so we re not cliquey
I come on a lot now and living on my own this is a big addition to my real life when I m alone and I feel part of the world through this site and thank everyone who has ever included this fairly unconfident old gal x
Keep posting Jam we are here for you xx

Yes, one either is too contentious and gets jumped on or is too bland and people lose interest. But keep going, it's often very interesting to hear other people's point of view.
You are not alone.

What an excellent post jam.I think you have spoken for a lot of people and taken a risk in being really honest.I hope the responses reassure you.Looking forward to your next post.

jam as a very popular, now-banned poster once said, ‘It’s only an internet forum.’
Don’t worry about it.
We’ve all started threads that no one has replied to.
We’ve all killed threads.
We’ve all had a virtual tongue-lashing from certain people.
Some of us have gone to meetings and made real-life friends and that’s nice if and when it happens.
But it’s only an internet forum and if you’re worrying about ‘not belonging’, I think perhaps you need to recognise that real life friendships and relationships are the real deal and much more important.
The internet only matters if you let it.

Hi jamsidedown. I think most of us have felt like that in the early days and i have also killed my fair share of threads.

In my view, it's a good idea to keep on posting so people get used to seeing your name then start a few threads!

You've had lots of replies to this!!!

I do understand and confirm your feelings Jam. I am a member of a few months. I too have had some threads ignored or I have "killed" Others. There again, a thread I started a couple of months ago is still alive so- a lot depends on whether or not your topic inspires other people. As OldMeg says, most people just want to write about themselves. I stick my toe into Gransnet every now and then and try not to feel invisible when I get little or no reaction to my thoughts. Just reading about other people's life experiences can be very stimulating/interesting.

Me too Jam and I have felt just like you too but then I told myself to remember that it is not RL and to carry on regardless. You do receive good support when you need it but people have very busy lives and as ever it is out of sight out of mind so you can't expect very much more. The thing for me is that I appreciate the anonymity so can't have it both ways!
for those of us who need them!

jamsidedown I am used to posting on threads and being either misconstrued or ignored but I carry on regardless.
Funny, really, because I am quiet in RL and although I do have friends I don't enjoy larger groups and am no good at small talk and 'networking' which I see other people do.
I wonder how many people are completely different in RL than they seem to be on here?

I like your username, btw

jamsidedown I can see from a quick search you used to post when you joined in 2014 and you seemed to fit right in, so maybe it's a case of jumping back into the water?

I can understand it's not a great feeling if you start a thread and nobody replies, but I think sometimes my user name should be thread killer because quite often no one posts again after me!

Stick with it because my experience of GN is there's friendship and support here from people you'll probably never meet.

Well said Marydoll Marydoll

jamsidedown I'm sorry you feel like that. I felt like that initially, there were some names who cropped up often and I felt that as a newbie I was a bit forward intruding into a thread.
However, I started by joining in the games thread and had a lot of fun. Sometimes I get it wrong, but nobody minds.
Dip a toe in Soop's's kitchen kitchen, Soop and the Kitchener's are lovely. Also try the good morning thread. Everyone is supportive. As you become more confident, have a go at other threads.
I steer clear of the political threads, as I don't feel confident there.
I have made some really kind and supportive friends on GN, in what is a very difficult time in my life. Please stick with us.