Gransnet forums


Gransnet makes me feel lonely

(162 Posts)
jamsidedown Thu 18-Jan-18 22:57:52

I am a long time lurker. I have posted the odd comment in the past but have never really been able to join in. I have even put up a thread to which I have had no replies to. I recognise many of the user names which keep cropping up, you all seem so familiar with each other. It feels like one of those groups at school which you were never invited to, and always being the last to be picked for games. Gransnet just makes me feel more lonely. Does anyone else feel like this?

MissAdventure Thu 18-Jan-18 23:03:40

I think there are people using the site that have known each other for years, in person in some cases, but everyone is friendly. Some people know all about other members families, and so on, but its just because they've used the site for a long while. Hello, by the way! flowers

OldMeg Thu 18-Jan-18 23:05:03

Hi Jamsidedown I’m sure a lot of people feel like that about GN. Very few people responded to a thread I started probably because the topic was quite a serious one and generally (with a few notable exceptions) people on here prefer either the trivial or the downright contentious. An exception is if you are in genuine pain and hurt, then you may well get lots of support.

But generally most like to talk about themselves.

If you want a reply then if you can be deliberately provocative that should do the trick. Though of course you may not like the replies, but better than being ignored???

I’d suggest you jump right in and start posting.


pensionpat Thu 18-Jan-18 23:11:16

Hi Jams. I have started threads that didn't take off, have posted a comment that has stopped the thread, and, worst of all, started a thread where people disagreed/challenged me. That made me feel stupid and careful about future posts. But, somewhere along the line, I have felt more comfortable and feel as if I have an equal place on GN. I still don't post often, but only because someone else has said what I also felt. If ever you need support, you will not be lonely. You will have all the regular posters and more. You will have seen that if you've been lurking. I think you will attract many posts now!

TwiceAsNice Thu 18-Jan-18 23:11:20

I don't post all the time but dip in and out and generally like browsing. Do give it another go most posters are nice and when someone is in genuine distress there is a lot of empathy and support. You may have just been unlucky with your previous topic. Welcome !

grannyactivist Thu 18-Jan-18 23:11:52

Hi jamside - I just had a scootch round to find the earlier thread you started (about volunteering) and had a wry smile as the reason I didn't spot it at the time is because I spent the whole of Tuesday with a homeless chap, in my role as a voluntary caseworker for a homeless charity. smile

Don't be put off because you didn't get a response - keep posting and people will get to 'know' your online persona and hopefully you won't feel lonely here for long.

appygran Thu 18-Jan-18 23:15:43

Hard is'nt it jams. Yes I often feel like you but don't feel it is anything to do with gransnet just my own lack of confidence. Silly I know when you can be anonymous on this site. Huggs from another loner.

MissAdventure Thu 18-Jan-18 23:17:27

'Ello 'Appy smile

Azie09 Thu 18-Jan-18 23:25:25

Yes jamsidedown, I know exactly how you feel. In the past I have felt ignored and annoyed at how cliquey some of the threads can feel. Some posters can be pretty horrible too, especially on the politics threads.

I have avoided the site for periods of time but I do find occasional threads are interesting and some posters are genuinely knowledgeable so I come and look when I have time. I read through the live threads and occasionally I post if I think I have something helpful or useful to say. I've taught myself not to expect a response and not to care too much if I don't get one.

I think of it now as like a small town cafe where a hardcore bunch of people who know each other well will barely look up when you enter the room. A few kinder souls may be willing to converse but if they're not sure how long you're staying they may not bother unless what you have to offer is scintillating!

I imagine that spending a lot of time on the site means that eventually one gets known and accepted. It's a bit like real life! I hope you've got other avenues for making contact with people because I do agree that relying on a forum, this one included, can leave you feeling lonely. I believe some threads are supposedly friendlier than others but I haven't investigated enough to discover which ones. All the best.

Menopaws Thu 18-Jan-18 23:29:25

I've regretted some things I've said and felt a bit stupid and that's when I'm glad it's anonymous but on the whole it's fun to post and I think most people are very welcoming, don't be afraid to say what you think, keep it lighthearted and def avoid the hardcore arguers but don't feel lonely, you've taken the first step in joining so enjoy the company!

cornergran Thu 18-Jan-18 23:29:28

Hello jams, its odd, isn’t it, how we can feel excluded from something that is, well, virtual. We can’t reach out and touch it but it has the same impact as a group of people in a real life situation. You really aren’t alone. I can acknowledge many of the feelings you describe in myself from time to time. It’s easy to overlook a post, not deliberately but through busyness or preoccupation, rare for it to be deliberate. Please don’t give up, keep posting, you’ll feel more comfortable soon I’m sure.

seacliff Thu 18-Jan-18 23:34:29

I often feel the same Jam, quite often my comments on a thread are ignored and it can feel a bit hurtful, but I try not to take it personally as it's not deliberate.

I find when I actually ask a question or ask for help, people are really good and try to help. Maybe you were just unlucky with your thread, last time.

I do understand how you feel, and I think that's why there are a huge amount of lurkers who have perhaps tried once or twice and been put off posting. Why not make the effort for one month to post more, just small comments etc, and see how you feel then?

Marydoll Thu 18-Jan-18 23:35:48

jamsidedown I'm sorry you feel like that. I felt like that initially, there were some names who cropped up often and I felt that as a newbie I was a bit forward intruding into a thread.
However, I started by joining in the games thread and had a lot of fun. Sometimes I get it wrong, but nobody minds.
Dip a toe in Soop's's kitchen kitchen, Soop and the Kitchener's are lovely. Also try the good morning thread. Everyone is supportive. As you become more confident, have a go at other threads.
I steer clear of the political threads, as I don't feel confident there.
I have made some really kind and supportive friends on GN, in what is a very difficult time in my life. Please stick with us.

Menopaws Thu 18-Jan-18 23:40:48

Well said Marydoll Marydoll

WilmaKnickersfit Thu 18-Jan-18 23:59:17

jamsidedown I can see from a quick search you used to post when you joined in 2014 and you seemed to fit right in, so maybe it's a case of jumping back into the water?

I can understand it's not a great feeling if you start a thread and nobody replies, but I think sometimes my user name should be thread killer because quite often no one posts again after me! grin

Stick with it because my experience of GN is there's friendship and support here from people you'll probably never meet. flowers

Jalima1108 Fri 19-Jan-18 00:13:32

jamsidedown I am used to posting on threads and being either misconstrued or ignored but I carry on regardless.
Funny, really, because I am quiet in RL and although I do have friends I don't enjoy larger groups and am no good at small talk and 'networking' which I see other people do.
I wonder how many people are completely different in RL than they seem to be on here?

I like your username, btw smile

Synonymous Fri 19-Jan-18 01:07:23

Me too Jam and I have felt just like you too but then I told myself to remember that it is not RL and to carry on regardless. You do receive good support when you need it but people have very busy lives and as ever it is out of sight out of mind so you can't expect very much more. The thing for me is that I appreciate the anonymity so can't have it both ways!
flowers for those of us who need them! smile

giulia Fri 19-Jan-18 04:33:02

I do understand and confirm your feelings Jam. I am a member of a few months. I too have had some threads ignored or I have "killed" Others. There again, a thread I started a couple of months ago is still alive so- a lot depends on whether or not your topic inspires other people. As OldMeg says, most people just want to write about themselves. I stick my toe into Gransnet every now and then and try not to feel invisible when I get little or no reaction to my thoughts. Just reading about other people's life experiences can be very stimulating/interesting.

kittylester Fri 19-Jan-18 06:37:01

Hi jamsidedown. I think most of us have felt like that in the early days and i have also killed my fair share of threads.

In my view, it's a good idea to keep on posting so people get used to seeing your name then start a few threads!

You've had lots of replies to this!!!

janeainsworth Fri 19-Jan-18 06:56:05

jam as a very popular, now-banned poster once said, ‘It’s only an internet forum.’
Don’t worry about it.
We’ve all started threads that no one has replied to.
We’ve all killed threads.
We’ve all had a virtual tongue-lashing from certain people.
Some of us have gone to meetings and made real-life friends and that’s nice if and when it happens.
But it’s only an internet forum and if you’re worrying about ‘not belonging’, I think perhaps you need to recognise that real life friendships and relationships are the real deal and much more important.
The internet only matters if you let it. flowers

Greenfinch Fri 19-Jan-18 07:11:14

What an excellent post jam.I think you have spoken for a lot of people and taken a risk in being really honest.I hope the responses reassure you.Looking forward to your next post.

loopyloo Fri 19-Jan-18 07:16:31

Yes, one either is too contentious and gets jumped on or is too bland and people lose interest. But keep going, it's often very interesting to hear other people's point of view.
You are not alone.

BlueBelle Fri 19-Jan-18 07:18:35

Jamsidedown you could have posted for me when I first joined I got a nice welcome from a few and my confidence soared then after a while I plucked up the courage to post and it went down like a lead balloon I ‘felt’ everyone was close friends backing each other up and I was the outsider I either seemed to kill a thread or be ignored I got really disillusioned and for a year or more didn’t even come on here to look, then ( I ve no idea why) I decided to start posting again and now I plod on whether people answer me or not I sometimes open a thread which doesn’t go far but hey ho maybe it wasn’t that interesting I am so interested in people and when it comes to problems I try my hardest to give an honest oppinion even if it’s not what the poster wants to hear I also try to not be nasty although some posters asking about problem don’t really want honesty they want ohhs and ahhs and honesty can be seen as harshness
I have made a lovely virtual friend on here through a thread I posted and we share weekly (about) chats now although we rarely speak on threads well apart from my original one I don’t think we have so we re not cliquey
I come on a lot now and living on my own this is a big addition to my real life when I m alone and I feel part of the world through this site and thank everyone who has ever included this fairly unconfident old gal x
Keep posting Jam we are here for you xx

Oldwoman70 Fri 19-Jan-18 07:38:15

I have sometimes felt that my posts only appear on my computer screen because they are completely ignored and a conversation will continue as if I hadn't posted!! I think this probably happens to a lot of us and as you can see from all the replies you are not alone. Do keep posting flowers

Nanawind Fri 19-Jan-18 08:00:58

Hello and welcome to a fellow lurker.
Jamsidedown you have taken the words right out of my mouth. I also only post occasionally and I feel as though my posts are ignored.
Don't worry you are not the only one feeling like that. Sometimes just reading can make you feel better as other threads are relevant to
something you are experiencing.