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Should I say anything?

(71 Posts)
minimo Thu 08-Feb-18 11:38:04

I know it's a long way away but my son and his partner are planning to be away this Christmas, they've already made plans to holiday abroad apparently and have a 'hot' Christmas. It's the other son's turn to spend it with his other half's family and my daughter's also told me that because of the 'other' granny's ill health they'll be spending Christmas with her this year. It would usually be 'my' year but of course I totally understand. This does leave me on my own for the holidays though. I don't think they've realised or discussed their plans with each other so probably don't realise. Their lives must go on obviously and finances and distance mean I can't 'tag along' to any of their gatherings even if I was invited. But I am feeling a bit sad about it.

nannychris1 Fri 09-Feb-18 10:47:11

I can understand your disappointment, but as others have suggested, try volunteering in your area and I’m sure, not only will you really enjoy the day but your family will be so very interested in hearing all about it afterwards.
Also, arrange a ‘Christmas Day’ for you and your family to enjoy before hand.

Tessa101 Fri 09-Feb-18 10:49:14

Very good advise given already. I’m sure members of your family will ask what you are doing at Christmas eventually and invites ( should you want them ) arrive. In the meantime start putting abit of money aside each month and if you don’t take up any invites that are offered, you can treat yourself maybe to a hotel break or to something you have always fancied.But answer to your question is NO don’t say a word, they will converse and then you will be approached about it. Don’t be sad.

Barmeyoldbat Fri 09-Feb-18 10:57:52

I can understand how you feel, but they have give you plenty of warning and time to organise yourself. For a lot of young people who are working the extra time off work at Christmas gives them the opportunity to have a holiday further afield.

Shazmo24 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:07:44

Do you have friends that may be in the same situation as you so that you could all get together and share in the cooking too?

DotMH1901 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:21:20

Could you ask for hotel vouchers for your birthday/Mother's Day/Christmas present (in advance for Christmas) without saying you were upset about probably being on your own at Christmas and then book yourself a nice hotel trip as a treat? There are lots of singletons who like to do Christmas in hotels and I believe the meals and company are usually great fun. I have spent Christmas Day on my own several times and it is, after all, just one day out of the year.

Peardrop50 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:25:40

The first time this happens is horrid, I do feel for you. Lots of great advice on here 25th is just a day. Pamper yourself, volunteer at a shelter, invite a lonely friend, lots of options. Then plan for a wonderful celebration on the first date in the new year that they’re all available.
Put up the tree as usual and enjoy the whole holiday, long soaks in the bath, a few good books, a ton of chocolates and the remote control all to yourself. There are pluses x

Peardrop50 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:26:19

Meant to say tin of chocolates but ton seems even better!

Emelle Fri 09-Feb-18 11:31:44

All three of our AC had plans for Christmas just gone which did not involve us so we went walking with our dogs on Christmas Day. Even so I was upset by their lack of consideration and I wish I had said something because it still rankles with me and has put a slight strain on our relationship. So maybe you could think alternative plans but let it be known that you would like to be shown some consideration too.

anitamp1 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:44:44

Why dont you plan a late 'Christmas' get together/dinner some time in the New Year. Save your pressies for then and try to make it like the real thing. Will be something for you to look forward to. And then perhaps you can enjoy hunkering down with some special treats for yourself on the 25th.

Elrel Fri 09-Feb-18 11:54:52

My DS comes for an early Christmas weekend at my house a week or two before the 25th. This is with with his older DC who live near me. At Christmas they are with their DM, he is with his DP and their young DC at the other end of the country and I’m at DD’s. It works for us!

missytilley Fri 09-Feb-18 12:04:17

Sorry to hear your going to be alone Me personally wouldn't dream of stopping their plans either and like you say with the other Gran poorly sounds like they need to Unsure what to say other then you have a kind heart. Your daughter obviously takes after you too.

Theoddbird Fri 09-Feb-18 12:26:09

I have never understood why it is import to be with someone at Christmas...you have the rest of the year to enjoy their company....

maryhoffman37 Fri 09-Feb-18 12:29:52

If you do find yourself on your own, do volunteer at Crisis at Christmas or one of the other charities that lay on a Christmas lunch for the less fortunate. Then go home and drink something nice and have whatever treats you like to eat and binge watch Christmas TV. It sounds like quite a nice day to me.

JackyB Fri 09-Feb-18 12:30:00

Our neighbour opposite has 7 children, all with numerous children of their own and some with grandchildren, too. As not all the family fit in the house at any one time together, and certainly not at Christmas, when you can't sit out in the garden, she has them round a group at a time.

That way, she has the joy of Christmas spread over a longer period. What's not to like?

So if you arrange with your children's families to come when it suits them, provided everyone mucks in with the cooking etc., you can spread Christmas over December and January.

GabriellaG Fri 09-Feb-18 12:31:18

minimo
Hmm, I can understand your being sad but I'm sure that your chidren just haven't thought a great deal about next Christmas or even next week. Plans change and they may not have discussed future events with each other so they're unaware that you'd be alone. It might be an idea to look online for organisations which cater for mature single people at Christmas or why not invite a friend to stay for the day (nearer the time)
I stayed on a family farm one year and had a brilliant time.
Families often do their own thing nowadays and we, the older generation, must find our own pleasures and not be dependent on things staying the same as in years gone by. Please don't mention it to them as it might make them feel guilty and that wouldn't be right.
I hope you find a happy solution. smile

Persistentdonor Fri 09-Feb-18 12:42:49

There are phones, Skype, Facetime and Whatsapp to stay in contact with you. So true... (Though not the same.)

Tell each of them their allocated communication time, "because I shall be speaking to your brother/sister at x o'clock." Then sit back and see how long it takes them to work it out!! smile

GabriellaG Fri 09-Feb-18 12:45:07

Emelle
I'm quite shocked that any parent would be 'put out' or feel slighted at not being included in their children's plans at Christmas (or any other time)
I thought that the whole idea of having children was to love and nurture them into adulthood and be pleased when they grow into self-sufficient adults.
I gather, from your reference to 'we' walked the dogs, that your OH was at home with you so it's not as if you were alone.
IMO, and you may well disagree, it wouldn't be a good idea to mention it. Why should adult children feel (or be made to feel) guilty about doing what they want over the festive season? Not good at all.

Hm999 Fri 09-Feb-18 12:49:11

I've spent many Christmases alone when kids spent alternate Christmases with their father. Actually after running round for everyone else pre-Christmas, I find one day when I can eat what i want, watch what i want, and chill out is most welcome. Now I'm older, I adore being a grannie but I do cherish some me time

sarahellenwhitney Fri 09-Feb-18 13:24:34

Our kids have their own lives so why should they include us in all their plans.
To be asked would you like to come with us or will you come with us is another matter.

pauline42 Fri 09-Feb-18 13:25:00

It is really sad that you are willing to allow yourself to be sad about an event 10 months away that may or may not happen. I think you you need to remind yourself that yesterday has gone, tomorrow isn't here, but today is here - and you and only you can decide whether you want to enjoy it or be miserable......and you and you alone are the only person who can make that choice!

Telly Fri 09-Feb-18 13:33:04

It did strike me that your children are away of the impact of their plans which is why they are letting you know so early. There is lots of good advice already posted so I would not think about it until the autumn they go ahead and do exactly what you would like to do. I think a lot of people's Christmas always looks better from the outside looking in.

Telly Fri 09-Feb-18 13:33:25

sorry meant to say aware

marionk Fri 09-Feb-18 13:40:05

How about starting a conversation with along the lines of “as I won’t be seeing any of you over Christmas can we all get together on a weekend before/after to celebrate?” This will gently let them know you will be alone but will also give them an opportunity to accept an alternative celebration date

lovebeigecardigans1955 Fri 09-Feb-18 13:47:59

I wouldn't mention it as it could come across as needy. It's sad to be alone but if I were you I'd turn it into a totally self-indulgent time by doing whatever gives you most pleasure. That could be slopping around in pyjamas all day if that's your thing and there are some jolly nice meals for one these days which you can just bung in the oven. Christmas is a long way off yet and things may change.

quizqueen Fri 09-Feb-18 14:52:29

When the third child mentioned their plans, that was the time to say, 'Oh, looks like I'll be on my own then this Christmas for once'. The individual families may not know each other's arrangements or they may have all contrived to give you lots of notice so you could sort something out for yourself. Although it seems a bit uncaring that none of them have considered what their plans will mean for you over the festive period. Look at the Just You holiday brochure; lots of Christmas and New Year breaks for singles home and abroad.