Gransnet forums


Should I say anything?

(71 Posts)
minimo Thu 08-Feb-18 11:38:04

I know it's a long way away but my son and his partner are planning to be away this Christmas, they've already made plans to holiday abroad apparently and have a 'hot' Christmas. It's the other son's turn to spend it with his other half's family and my daughter's also told me that because of the 'other' granny's ill health they'll be spending Christmas with her this year. It would usually be 'my' year but of course I totally understand. This does leave me on my own for the holidays though. I don't think they've realised or discussed their plans with each other so probably don't realise. Their lives must go on obviously and finances and distance mean I can't 'tag along' to any of their gatherings even if I was invited. But I am feeling a bit sad about it.

mrsmopp Fri 09-Feb-18 15:00:14

Lots of people have a rough time at Christmas. If I was going to be on my own I would probably volunteer to help cook dinner at a homeless hostel, to feel I was doing something useful for those worse off than me,
Or I could just stay in bed all day with a big box of chocolates and watch some old movies on TV.

sue421 Fri 09-Feb-18 15:19:44

I am so glad that you know your children have their own lives.. you have lots of notice to plan your time. Make it joyful, buy little presents for you throughout the year, wrap them up..put them where you will remember where they you know of someone else in similar situation .... look forward to what you can do ...will look forward to hearing how your Christmas went.

Nanny41 Fri 09-Feb-18 15:38:12

Hold on for a while, Christmas is too far away to worry about it now, things might change, and hopefully you will spend a lovely Christmas with one of the family.Cheer up!

luluaugust Fri 09-Feb-18 16:22:23

We expect something like this to happen in our family anytime soon, the ill health of one of the grans has changed a well worn arrangement that has worked well maybe for some years. I think I have got it right you would have been with your DD, the boys had probably worked out they were "off the hook". Lots of good advice here, leave any thoughts until at least October unless one of them mentions it, lots of possibilities for things to change round again before then, for a start the poorly gran may not want a house full.

sarahellenwhitney Fri 09-Feb-18 16:29:43

minimo You make no mention of any one in your life other than your children and their partners. Are we to believe you do not have a husband or partner.?As your family are planning xmas 2018 why don't you plan your own.Start saving now for a singles getaway. You will meet others in similar situations. Xmas and new year are but a few days, not forever.

123kitty Fri 09-Feb-18 16:59:32

You've got to put this out of your mind (easier said than done I'm sure) but you can't spend nearly a year worrying about it and feeling sorry for yourself.

Christalbee Fri 09-Feb-18 17:26:44

I'd book a nice country hotel somewhere, and just completely spoil myself and enjoy!! Take a good book and your lap top if you have one. People always try to talk to women on their own, that's my experience from travelling all over the world on my own for work. Some are good to spend time with, others not. Just choose what you do, and relax. I've met such kind people in my travels. Many are couples that feel sorry for you. Bless!!

Greciangirl Fri 09-Feb-18 17:57:43

I think it would be a luxury to be left alone at Christmas.

Why on earth are discussing this in February.

Coconut Fri 09-Feb-18 19:15:17

Look on the single travelling sites, lots of them arrange lovely things for Xmas. If money is tight, ask all your kids for cash this year and explain why ....

Nelliemoser Fri 09-Feb-18 20:29:39

Oh for heavens sake. It is only February.
I have been struggling to keep calm in the run up to Christmas last and just trying to stop myself getting anxious about it.
Minimo Don't make it something that is going to stress you out all year. Its not easy to let these things go once you start. I speak from bitter experience.

Faye Fri 09-Feb-18 21:09:28

I am thinking the same as Coconut. Could you start saving now for an over 50s singles Christmas break. It would give you something to look forward to. Something like this,

Shizam Fri 09-Feb-18 22:17:19

Am the utter Grinch. So would be happy to spend it on my own with a dvd or two, food and wine. As long the offspring were happy doing something else. Find the whole deal stressful. But hope you can find some good options that make you happy.

kwest Fri 09-Feb-18 23:21:03

Have you considered moving Christmas Day at your house to a date when they can all be with you? We have done this in the past and it has worked very well and on the actual Christmas Day new books, nice treats etc. can feel very indulgent, at the same time knowing you have already 'done Christmas'
or else you still have it to look forward to.

Synonymous Fri 09-Feb-18 23:35:03

I do understand your feelings minimo but it is probably inevitable at some time in all our lives. At least it is not a last minute let down and you have the chance to organise something for yourself. There are lots of good ideas above so either get saving or start volunteering right now so that you can be working with friends by the time Christmas comes round again. Doubtless it will happen again in the future so there is no time like the present to start making plans. Keep a smile on your face as it will make you feel better! smile
We all thought we would be together last Christmas but we had to adjust our plans and we had the 'official' Christmas with the DGC the week before the actual date. GC thought it was great fun and we all thoroughly enjoyed it all.

MawBroon Fri 09-Feb-18 23:51:43

An awful lot can happen between now and Christmas you know.
15 months ago DD1 gave me advance “warning”that they would be spending Christmas 2017 in Australia with their best man and his wife and children treating the family to a special holiday, plus surprise, surprise a Test match for cricket fanatic SIL.
Then they found a house they really wanted which was going to cost the proverbial arm and leg, and moved last March. No trip to Oz.
Subsequently her father my DH Paw was very ill all over the summer, dying in early November so the holiday in Australia would have been our of the question again.
I am not wishing any misfortune on you minimo but I am sure somebody in the family will realise you are going to be on your own, so don’t fret about it now.
Think of alternative ways or times of celebrating if it means so much to you.
It is only a day after all.

muddynails Sat 10-Feb-18 08:42:42

I know its sad (it happens to me - one son) but you have a whole year to weasel yourself into some-one elses celebrations, people are really kind when they realise you are going to be alone, I have had some brilliant christmasses and met lots of new people, I always help out though, and take some things, best to discuss this with hostess, nothing worse than guests that treat your home like a hotel and you as a servant.

Brigidsdaughter Sat 10-Feb-18 16:01:42

Please don't say anyt0hing to your family. It would be so unfair. They are allowed to make plans without the guilt of who is having the parents. If you say anything, it will mean it's an issue and totally unfair. If you were on your own AND unable to do anything for yourself it would seem unkind to plan with you involved but you need to be independent. Sorry to be so blunt

Brigidsdaughter Sat 10-Feb-18 17:08:56

Oops ..meant without you...

Lilyflower Sat 10-Feb-18 20:53:19

Why don’t you signal up that, as your this year’s Christmas present, they could all club together to get you a cheap flight to join one of them for a while? You could stay in an Air bnb if you don’t want to bother them.

GoldenAge Sun 11-Feb-18 14:24:42

minimo - if I were you, as Christmas is so far away I would create a new social life for myself, go to new clubs, take up dancing or a sport, and get yourself involved with a new circle of friends. Take it slowly, and you'll see that as Christmas approaches, events arise that pull you in - do not rely on your children for company - it's clear that as you've been told so early in the year of the plans for each one of them for next year, they are trying to signal to you that they won't be around and hoping that by saying this so far in advance, you don't count them in among your Christmas activities. I can see how you might be sad about this even though you do understand and see their points of view, but now really is the time to widen your social circle and surround yourself with other opportunities if being by yourself is not an attractive idea to you. Another possibility is to start volunteering at your local hospice, or homeless shelter because on Christmas Day you'll be very welcome there dishing out the Christmas lunch.