Abandoned

Just get on with your life cuckoo. Harsh as it sounds. No idea why your son has done this but stop trying to please, stop asking yourself “why” just ENJOY your life in any way you can

As for Wills - do what you want but I would be inclined to change mine in favour of RSPCA or whatever you feel is appropriate. Even if things got better tbh. No child is actually ENTITLED to benefit- no matter what they think!

I think if you find a full and active life your son MAY just wonder what is going on? If not, you will be having a ball anyway. My love and thoughts are with you x

So sorry, my heart goes out to those of you who feel abandoned. Who knew relationships could be so difficult?

If you have any money to leave in your will please leave it for your GC and a letter telling them what happened. I am sure your GC will get in touch as soon as they are able. I hope your DS and DIL get nothing more from you.

Selfish grasping people often raise normal, decent children Sadly decent people often end up with the selfish, thoughtless children. Lessons for us all it seems.

It sounds like they may not care about money and do not necessarily expect to get any more - after all, it could all be used up on a care home in the end. If it were me, I would enjoy life - make a bucket list, go on cruises, etc you might make new frinds. Enjoy life. Spend your inheritance on YOU not out of spite but because you’re worth it. A word of warning - watch out for anyone making romantic advances who may be after your money - it happens.
You may wish to send the odd postcard to grandchildren when you are away.

Make a will leaving everything to your grandchildren, not your son. I have known grandparents with none of your troubles do that. As you have already given your son so much money and help, he is probably be assuming everything will come to him regardless of how he behaves. That is not reasonable.

I would actually contact him and say I want the money back! it should at least elicit dialogue!

Agree with Alchemilla and others about compiling a family memoir with information, memories, and photographs for the GC.
Wondering whether the gift of £45k, a huge sum to me, caused an ongoing embarrassment. Did the DiL’s ‘rich’ parents provide money too?
You may not be able to consider this suggestion but I am sad that you can’t bear to see little children. Could you volunteer with a charity, playgroup, or infant school? You would be offering time, care, and understanding to children some of whom may not be receiving enough thoughtful adult attention. Just a thought.

Thank you both Smileless and Yoga

Me too Sparkly 'way to go' xx

Sparkly

Smileless yes sad that you and Mr S and all the others have to think that, but we do (I mean surviving the hurt).

I get by, by noticing and appreciating the small maybe wonderful things in life, Spring arriving with primroses growing wild along the hedgerows, birds singing, happy, a chat with a friend, lunch out, a good book, chats on the train. Keeps me going.

When I was on another thread, which I came off, as I found it too intense and so many posters, anyway, there were suicides One mum, who's two Daughters estranged themselves from her, for no reason [as always, it seems] she jumped off her roof of their family home Hope she'd amended her will first, horrible thought if those 'dear daughters' inherited after causing their dear Mother to kill herself!

Sparkly. Sometimes well quite often actually we, Mr. S. and I are also amazed that we've survived the hurt. In fact when I read the posts of parents CO by their AC I'm amazed that any of us manage to survive but we do don't we.

"....to leave them destitute of care and family protection" that's what they're doing isn't it. I never thought of it that way before but you're right.

Thank you Yoga sometimes I am amazed I survived the hurt.

What a despicable thing to do to your Mother [Sparkly]

Sparklygran

Cuckoo I am an estranged gran of an only AC and only DGC. It happened so gradually with me, I almost didn't notice it was happening. I was working hard and also going through cancer treatment which left me a little dozy and distracted, and before I knew where I was, they had moved and I didn't have an address or phone number.

I am currently making a Will with kind friends as executors, leaving my assets to 2 charities and setting out that I want a Christian funeral.

I think that in our society today, the last acceptable bad behaviour is towards parents and grandparents, usually older female relatives. So as to leave them destitute of care and family protection.

How about actually going to see them. Is that possible?

As so many of these posts appear on Facebook and on other websites, maybe the poster thought that the other information she provided would help identify her and her family, so she amended it.

I'm very curious as to why the opening initial thread comment has been reduced and many of the comments about her predicament have been removed. I take it these adjustments have been made by cuckoo herself. It makes my earlier response seem very harsh in the circumstances.

Cuckoo I used to get two cards, Xmas, birthdays, Easter, post one & one in their gift/memory sacks. Since they moved and I no longer have an add. for them, I just get the one, with age sticker, which goes in their gift sacks & write on envelope their age. Also with little letter inside.

It's a horrible realisation, to have to except, you [meaning me] are nothing in their lives. My D&GD lived with me before my D meet her now H, my GD's stepdad, so we had a very special bond

Morning Cuckoo & all.

I wouldn't just go round or visit his work, it could go terribly wrong & make things even worse. Try to arrange a weekly phone call, even better skype or the like, so you can see your GC & they you. Ask your Son what the best time & day would be for this, maybe by letter, saying how much you miss them all.

The first year or two I couldn't look at little ones, I would avert my eyes, otherwise I would cry I never look on FB, too painful!

Cuckoo

So very sorry for your plight at not seeing your S&GC.
I wouldn't recommend court, I did this and it was awful!
The post cards idea from Alexa sounds good, I can imagine children liking this. Just keep trying in a nice way to win them over. You have been so very good and so very generous with them, I don't know how they can treat you so badly.

I haven't seen my DD&DGC for 5plus years now , same as you didn't do or say anything wrong!

Good luck
Haven't read past first page, but will do later.

As Synonymous says, if there is that type of mental illness in the household, the sufferer would have projected their own self hate onto you, but it will also mean that the affected partner will be practically impossible to live with, and the other one, if it is your son will be having hatred projected onto them too. You need to somehow try and find out more, but I think we all realise that is the hard bit.

Cuckoo the information provided here about BPD could well be very relevant regarding the situation in which you find yourself. It would depend very much on whether it is your DIL or your son who might have the condition as to why the estrangement from your son as well since he could be trying not to rock the boat with his wife if it is she. If it is he then you could be sunk. Again if it is a medical condition then it may take some of the hurt out of it but it is so very sad, my heart goes out to you.
I wonder if you know where he works and whether you have considered writing to him there at his work address since that might be the only way that you could get some form of communication with him that could possibly be private. I would not even mention or think about the money side of things as that is clearly not on the top of your agenda but communication is your aim. Make it a very loving letter and ask him if he would be prepared to communicate with you that way and promise that you will not use any other from of communication without his say so. At least that way you may get to know whether it is your son or your DIL. Baby steps and take it very slowly whatever you do.