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To be so hurt?

(80 Posts)
Urmstongran Sat 10-Feb-18 19:24:12

I retired fairly recently. I had worked with a colleague for over 20y & over time we became good friends, confiding in one another & occasionally meeting outside of work - to go to the garden centre, visit at one another’s houses for coffee. When I retired we initially kept in touch occasionally. Then, such a shock when after emailing, with no response for a few weeks, I realised that was it..... Tried her work email. Nada. I asked why she had stop replying. No response. OMG I cannot described how hurt I felt. I even dreamt about it! Has anyone else been ‘deleted’ like this & how did you come to terms with it?

cornishclio Sun 18-Mar-18 10:01:04

I have recently retired and still meet up with my closest work colleague. Luckily we both have lots in common but she told me she is so jealous I got to retire at 58 and she has to work until state pension age of 67. Thankfully she hasn't allowed that to affect our friendship and I try not to rub her nose in the fact I no longer have to work. We just chat about the stuff we always used to, family, holidays, work, books etc. I think some people do get jealous when a colleague retires particularly if they are the same age.

Cabbie21 Sun 18-Mar-18 19:15:43

Whilst I have some old friends from years ago that I could just pick up where we left off, if we were to meet, our friendship is actually reduced to a Christmas letter or email.

I realise I am as guilty as the next person for failing to keep up more regular contact, but would it really have any meaning? At least once a year we have some major news, whereas every month it would just be trivia.

I suspect what most of us need is someone to chat to on a regular basis, someone who could support us in a crisis, someone to socialise with. That needs to be someone close by.
If I renew contact with an old friend they are usually pleased to meet up, but then it Peters out, so seems a bit pointless, if they are not that bothered.
Perhaps nobody actually wants to be real friends.

Bluebell123 Mon 19-Mar-18 04:49:00

It appears many of us have have been in similar situations and some interesting explanations as to why friendships die. Food for thought indeed.
I too had a very close friend for years. We shared many happy times and supported each other through some rocky periods too. Then I moved abroad. We keep in touch with the occasional email BUT when I return to the UK and visit my old stomping ground she does not invite me to her house so we can have a jolly good chin-wag, whereas other friends do.
Upsetting but I suppose "Ours is not to reason why...."

Cabbie21 Mon 19-Mar-18 08:55:03

I sometimes think that those friends who have been very close and helped us through major life crises will shy off renewing friendship after a break. Perhaps they know they can’t commit to that same previous level, perhaps they are going through problems themselves.
Life does move on, and Ill health, promotion, divorce or family matters can take a new hold on us, to the exclusion of friendships.