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Things You Should Never, Ever Say Over Text or Email

(59 Posts)
Farmor15 Mon 12-Feb-18 17:46:11

I agree that there’s no point in having an e-mail address unless you check daily (and can immediately discard all the ads etc. ) Some people use a different address for ordering stuff online etc. so keep a personal one for friends.
After my father died, my mother said she found it exhausting to answer phone calls, let alone make any. I took that on board so don’t phone a recently bereaved person to sympathise - send a card and short letter.
In Ireland (where attending funerals is very important!) there’s a very useful website - rip.ie - for death notices with all funeral information, or even if you want to check if someone has died.

emmasnan Mon 12-Feb-18 16:02:01

I also heard of my brothers death on facebook Nonnie and although we hadn't met in many years - he lived overseas - we had been in contact occasionally so it was a shock. The same thing happened with his wife's death a short time after.

MissAdventure Mon 12-Feb-18 16:01:41

I could barely function, barely speak, and barely string two words together when my daughter died.
I felt like an animal in my grief. There is no way I could have phoned anyone.

Nonnie Mon 12-Feb-18 15:20:25

I'm with Maw on this. Anyone who has had to deal with bereavement will understand how much has to be done and how hard it is to do it. An email to all and sundry was our way of coping and then we put something on our DS's Facebook page because we didn't know all his friends so had no way of contacting them. That was well received and some of his friends came from other countries to the funeral as a result.

I heard of my brother's death on Facebook and that was not so good.

Esspee Mon 12-Feb-18 15:18:47

Ringing round is something a friend could do. I know I found it difficult to answer the same questions over and over when I was at my lowest point emotionally.
As for emails, don't have an email address if you are not prepared to sort through them discarding some which are clearly of no interest and having a brief look at the others. Do you bin letters without looking at them? Sorry Luzdoh you are completely responsible for the embarrassing situation.

BlueBelle Mon 12-Feb-18 15:08:11

Well I don’t read every email ( a lot are adverts of some kind) but I do read every one that comes from a real person
But let it go it’s not worth worrying over something that happened so long ago it cannot be changed now

Bellasnana Mon 12-Feb-18 15:00:25

I think in the case of the OP, it was not an email from the immediate family of the deceased so, yes, they could have made a phone call.

MawBroon Mon 12-Feb-18 14:53:09

Sorry but I don’t agree.
Certainly not text but when Paw died there was NO WAY I could ring round all the people on our contacts list even if I had had the strength to do it.
Can you imagine repeating that 50 or more times over?
A circular email, followed by another with details of his Requiem, plus information about parking and hotels in the area was what got me through.
Yes you should check your emails just as you should open all letters and bills. As a widow of a few hours there was no way I could tell our friends and extended family on the phone.
Be reasonable, I am afraid the onus was on you.

luzdoh Mon 12-Feb-18 14:40:34

Admittedly this subject was prompted from Reader's Digest having the same article, but it brought back to me three awful emails I received. The main one years ago, which still hurts badly. That one said that a dear friend, living a few doors from my mother's, (over 200 miles from me) had died. His death was sudden, he was not that old, from an only just discovered brain tumour. I did not see the email. I get so may because, since being disabled, I shop so much by internet, emails can get drowned. I then met his Widow, a dear friend too, next time I was there, which was for my own mother's funeral. I did not know her husband had died. It was so awful. It still upsets me. The sender of the death announcement by email had the gall to say to me, cockily, in front of everyone, "Don't forget to check your emails in future." She is older than I, married to my cousin and I have known her since I was a schoolgirl. Am I wrong to be upset that I did not see the email? Are we supposed to read every single one, every day? If so I have to stop receiving them. I feel it was inappropriate of her not to phone me with this terrible news. We have known each other for 60+ years!