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Feeling weary with friends demands

(80 Posts)
hannafore Fri 16-Feb-18 12:12:38

Would love any advise. A friend of mine recently lost her husband very suddenly which was a shock to all who knew him. My friend has not been coping well so i have helped her around her home, stayed with her for a few days to give her support while her mother was in hospital and basically have given her help as she needed it. She cannot cook,cannot clean and with her husband enjoyed four holidays a year, twice abroad and twice in the UK. She is now asking me to go with her on days out on my day off (one day a week) and i cannot afford it having a home to run myself and my own family and limited finances. I have explained this to her so many times but she seems to have no concept. I am starting to make excuses to avoid her so any advise would be appreciated. I do like her and feel very sorry for her and do feel compassionate but she has become extremely needy and is calling me for help for things that i think she should learn to do herself. I have managed to talk her into going to bereavement counselling, and have arranged a gardener to deal with her garden so that is a start but any other advise would be great thank you.

alchemilla Mon 19-Feb-18 15:47:54

OP I'm astounded she's 58 and can't cook or clean or do anything for herself. That's appalling. I'd be equally appalled by a 58 year old man in that position. It's not rocket science.

But if she is that infantile and has enough money I would tell her to get another cleaner or two, and a gardener. I'd also be asking if there's a Power of Attorney to be done and a bank to go to since she and her mother sound the sort of person who wouldn't know if they were scammed or not.

judypark Mon 19-Feb-18 18:47:55

Hanna, whilst not dismissing suicide threats, I find it odd that your friend/employer states that if anything happened to her mother she would hang her self from the beams. This woman's mother, at the least will be in her late seventies,
It is in the natural order of things that the majority of us will lose our parents before we shuffle off ourselves.
Is this woman a bit of a drama queen?

varian Mon 19-Feb-18 19:10:03

If she does not or cannot cook or clean and she has not got a job, what does this fit 58 year old actually do all day?

alchemilla Wed 21-Feb-18 14:31:23

One step at a time, OP - but instead of sorting out gardeners/new cleaner/housekeeper/delivered food, you could actually give her the brochures and get her to make the calls. I feel some sympathy for this woman as clearly you do - going from a cushioned life with a DH who does everything to being a widow with an elderly mother in the house and few friends.

I would suggest agencies for everything - she sounds the sort of person who could be taken advantage of - at least with an agency everyone is or should be CRB checked. I'd also be concerned about her mother - clearly some help twice a week but will she get anything to eat once the NDN stops providing?