Is it usual to go off sex at 65

Clakka
How unkind of your husband to suggest you are 'not normal'.'Been there done that' indicates to me your husbands needs to look at the 'menu' he offers you.Isn't variety the spice of life.?
Ready to pass the' problem' on to you but never giving a thought that he could be the one that is not 'normal'. Does H believe you should be lying back (thinking of England)? Does he ever consider that is all his performance conjures up in your mind.
Everyone is different but there is no age when intimacy needs to discontinue unless one is forced due to health reasons. If it is uncomfortable, for you, your GP can advise treatment.
Everyone is different. What is normal for one is not necessarily normal for another but if it is of concern and you want to improve relations with H, your GP, not some back street organisation, is the one to put BOTH of you in the right direction.

As an 81 year old the answer is NO. Age is not important.

Clakka thank you for the very honest post. It's difficult when you're worried and not a lot of information out there. We're in exactly the same boat - happened immediately post-menopause for me - and we are both younger than you and your DH. I haven't got a solution unfortunately but just wanted to say you are not alone.

Hi Clakka tell your husband "normal" is a huge spectrum, would be interesting to know where he has got the idea from that you are not. If its the newspapers o'h dear. He may be feeling sad that that part of his life is slowing down, have a chat.

You may well have used up your 'quota' when you were active...who knows how much is too much or too little?

Claire Rayner used to say, (pretty sure it was her) that if you put a jelly bean in a jar for each time you had sex before marriage and took one out each time after marriage, you would never run out of jelly beans.

I ran out of jars.....but, a long time ago.

Hello. I don't think it's unusual or wrong in any way. I'm almost 59 and went off sex a few years ago... I had a terrible time for a few years, of heavy bleeding, repeated hospital tests over the past 5 years, etc. (My periods only finished 10 months ago! My husband is a year older than me, and has been very understanding with it all, but I have no desire whatsoever for sex. I am on a low-dose antidepressant, which I know affects libido - but I'd rather be like this than ever feel as low as I did. I'd say so long as you and your husband are otherwise happy, don't worry.

Be so grateful you still have your DH and some one who cares about you and is happy to cuddle. I lost my DH over 9 years ago and would would give so much to have someone to share my life. I know I’m not the only widow to feel like that. Being alone is still so difficult and somthing those who are fortunate to still have partners just,with the best will in the world, do NOT begin to understand. Chance to ‘go off ‘ sex would be a fine thing. Such a long time ago now!

I’m 58 and haven’t had sex in 6 years just not interested at all

I agree with all the other comments in that there is no 'normal' and we should not be made to feel different by what we read in the media. As long as the two of you are in sync with each other and understand each other's needs that's the main thing. After nearly 40 years of very happy marriage, we too are finding it's 'few and far between' though surprisingly being on holiday seems to revive our interests!! Cruise coming up in May - yippeee!!
So enjoy your lovely family and grandchildren, Clakka, and be happy for the loving life you have.

If you’re both happy with the situation you’ve nothing to worry about. I’m 66 and OH 70 we too had great sex and sometimes still do, but infrequently. I sometimes have mild ’urges’ at totally inconvenient times but by bedtime I just want to read. OH gets very tired so neither of us mind - it’s good when we do and good when we don’t. I have to admit though, I do miss that ’tear your clothes off urgency’ from time to time and my cries of passion are just as likely to have something to do with cramp!

We have friends where the husband had a prostatectomy his prostate was removed and his sex life died. He shares his wife with a younger male friend who the wife visits weekly.
She confided this information to her GP who told her “ Oh that’s fine it’s not usual just unspoken.”

As readers have said...there is no ‘normal’. However, it can be a problem when there is a mismatch in desire. There are many ways of having sex...could you come to a compromise where you sometimes cuddle and he has solo sex, another time you try something else, etc. It’s the connection and the fact that you care about his needs probably means more to him than anything. Try reading ‘Sex after 50’, available on Amazon.

DH unfortunately has prostate gland removed following cancer diagnosis 3 years ago. He lost his desire but endearingly was concerned about my needs which have dwindled recently, ironically his desire seems to be returning in line with my decline!
I suppose I will have to make a little effort when necessary as he has for me over past few years.
I do think we all have increased and decreased libido throughout life which doesn’t always line up. The important thing is to talk about it. Be as unselfish as we can but not to make ourselves uncomfortable.
Lots of cuddling and affection to make our partner feel loved and wanted on both sides is the most important imho.

You can't win on this one. My DH went off sex completely following a diagnosis of Bi-Polar in his late 40s & has not regained his libido at all. Probably due to the amount of drugs he has to take.
It breaks my heart as I would still love a sex life but that's life.
He has no interest at all.

For the discomfort I get vagifem on prescription, just enough small dose of hormone to keep the dryness at Bay.
I think I’m fortunate to been in synch with my partner re dwindling sex lives! We met in our late 40’s and were very very active after both having years of no sex ( divorce/widowhood) However now in our early 60’s we would rather have a hug and read a book, only occasionally feeling the need for more. We both think it is normal.
It must be very difficult though if your needs are not matched.

If it's vaginal dryness that is part of the problem, I get YES off the internet I find it more helpful than Replens or KYJ. You can also if you have a good doctor get it on prescription mines not. There are 2 types one to use everyday and one just before sex. These have helped me a lot no soreness or discomfort.
Just put in google Yes vaginal dryness not just Yes as that is a rock group and they may not be able to help.

Clakka - I'm wondering is it totally a lack of desire/libido, or is part of it the discomfort (I know it hasn't been mentioned) of dryness?

I do think that age does have an effect on libido and performance. DH and I are still active but not like it was a few years ago. I'm quite happy at fortnightly and it seems to suit both of us. However, just a few months ago was 'thinking of England' because of discomfort/dryness, even with KJ. Replens helped a lot and of course KY is still a good friend.

Also, although I might find sometimes that I'm just 'going along with it' ..... generally an ember does get kindled but it takes a bit longer to get the fire going ... as opposed to the inferno of youth

One thing, my dh does know that I can feel a bit tender and knows to be gentle.

Men do not escape unscathed through the aging process and penetration is not always as it used to be and is not necessary. However, there are other ways and means. Indeed sometimes if my fire is too slow to burn I help dh along by one of the other 'ways and means' .

Totally agree with MOnica whatever is right for both of you. Love does not equate with sex that's only part of a bigger picture.

Ohh yes NanKate, I had forgotten that, didn’t there always used to be jokes about it ( back in the day!)

During the war men had bromide put in their tea which dampened down desire. I bet you could get it through Amazon now.

I’m not meaning to make light of this thread, which is an issue for many couples.

What a brilliant idea Sparkly,

My goodness Day6 that sounds like a nightmare, your friends having to endure viagra taking husbands.

An idea, where there is an imbalance, why isn't research looking into a ''dampening down'' drug?

You know, so men can keep it in check if they need to?

You are perfectly normal, we all are, there is a range of responses to a sexual relationship at any age. I agree, the issue isn’t that you are comfortable without a sexual relationship it is that your husband’s views differ. Neither of you is right or wrong, you are just different. There’s no easy answer, it is perfectly possible to show love and affection without sexual intercourse. Please don’t feel pressurised.

I know there are lots of medications which can affect libido. I have friends in their 50s and 60s who no longer want or need sexual intercourse. Two,with husbands in their 60s on Viagra, say their desire is almost constant and they feel like (barren) brood mares to be used rather then women who should be wooed and are desirable.

It's a shame the cosy contentment, love and companionship of old age isn't enough for some. If you have no desire for sex I don't think you should feel obliged to "lie back and think of England". We are all different and there is no normal in the bedroom. I am not sure what the answer is though.