AIBU to want to make a speech at my child's wedding

Traditionally it’s the Bride’s day.
Your son would probably find a speech of praise by his mother excruciatingly embarrassing!

Weddings must be one of the last places where tradition still holds, I always say this but your 'job' is to dress up, turn up, smile and welcome the new bride. Your son will probably have enough problems with the best man without you saying anything. If you feel you must tell him how great he is etc why not send him a letter which he can keep forever if he wants. It is intriguing how all these customs came about, I don't know but I suppose in the past it was important for the Bride's father to talk her up to the family which she was entering. We hang on to these customs and get the kind of dilemma you have.

Yes you are being unreasonable. It's not as if it's a standard part of a wedding for a groom's parents to make speeches. If you were bride's father, or best man, and had been told not to, you'd have reason to protest. But if anything non-standard is to happen, it needs to be suggested and decided by the couple themselves.

Having sat through so many tedious, waffly ones, I have to say that to me, at any wedding, the fewer the speeches the better, and if they were all limited to 5 minutes, that would be better still.

Having said that, OP, I can understand that you want to, but IMO best not to make a thing of it or be seen as 'difficult' when the marriage has barely started.

No speech from you. Go in and smile and show how very happy you are and what a wonderful mother and mother in law you are going to be. All this quietly in the background.

Good morning, I have not posted before but would like to join this discussion.
Too many speeches at a wedding can be a bore. In your position I should write a letter to both of them saying what you would like to say in a speech, making sure you welcome your dil into your family and saying how much you are looking forward to the future. Something for them to treasure, handwritten on beautiful stationery.

Please don’t go there! Especially as the idea has been vetoed already. There are so many other ways you can express your feelings as others have said. At DDs wedding the FoB speech was made by one of her brothers because DH has expressive language problems. DH was offended but mollified when we had a lunch the next day for close friends and family and he did his speech then. Could you do something like that?

Our DD inlaws took over the whole wedding, except for the expense. I was told to “blend in” with my outfit and “I can’t understand what all the fuss is about the MOTB”.
Can I suggest that you do what we did and bite your tongue. Pride radiated from us looking at the beautiful girl we had raised.
Speak to your son before the wedding and tell him how proud you are (your speech). You don’t need to tell anyone else. That special moment with your son is far more important and special than sharing it with the world.
Hope you have a wonderful day x

I went to a wedding once where the mother of the groom (widowed) stood up and made a long speech (unplanned) and everyone was highly embarrassed by her emotional over the top ramblings. The groom looked as if he could have sunk through the floor! Just don't go there! (Unless incited). Theres nothing to stop you telling them and all the other guests individually how you feel! At some weddings a video is made including asking guests at the reception for any messages to the bride and groom. That could be your chance. Or a book is passed round for comments. You could suggest or provide this and write the first comment. Alternatively could you do a readin g at the service?

I sometimes wonder whose wedding it is. I did not want a four year old cousin of DH as my bridesmaid. Big sulk from child's parents who showed their feelings by not attending our wedding.

Don’t even think about it. It’s not worth it. It is not traditional for the grooms mother to make a speech. Daughter-in-laws are difficult enough without making it worse.

Sorry but it is tradition. The bride gets lovely things said about her & the best man tells naughty stories about the groom! These days the bride does sometimes say something so maybe she will say lovely things about him for you, At the end of the day you know he is wonderful - so does she so why do you have to tell everyone how much you love him- that goes without saying.

He's your only son, and you've been rehearsing this day for years. Of course you want to say nice things. As a compromise, you could write down your "speech" in a wedding card to the couple which they can put on the table with the others but which can be read by everyone. It's hard but, one day you'll look back and realise it wasn't really worth getting upset about.

Your son's wedding day isn't about you. Your job was bringing up a fine son and that job is done. Now your job is to let him go onto the next stage of his life journey with his chosen partner. The wedding day is your son and his bride's day and it's their decision about who they wish to present a speech or to say a few words. You can best express your love for your son by respecting his wishes. Be gracious on the day and enjoy their love.
As many other posters have said, please think very carefully about the views you have expressed, you are in great danger of ending up estranged from your son and his family and all the pain that entails.
As the old saying goes, give your children roots, wings to fly and a reason to return.

Please don’t be one of those mothers-in-law. Get into the habit of saying them not him, their not his, they not he.
It is their day, please please sit back and enjoy it.
All us mothers of sons go through these feelings but we must be strong, pleasant, loving and giving for we stand to lose so much if we show resentment.
I made such a lot of effort at first and now it has become second nature to think of them as a family and to love them all.
I was even asked to read at each christening, it’s now become a family tradition and I feel honoured.
Write them a lovely card and show them both how thrilled you are for them on their special day.

Best man gives a speech for the Groom.
FoB gives a speech for the bride.
Groom gives a speech for everyone.

Plenty of speeches and everyone is included.
This is not your wedding. You are a guest.
Know your place and don't insert yourself where you don't belong.
The things you want to say can be said in private.

My husband and I were both widowed. On our wedding day my son in law (who gave me away) my step son ( best man) and groom gave speeches. I spoke and led a toast to our late partners before the best mans speech. I was so pleased it was well received. As has been said the bride doesn’t need to sit quietly at all.

It feels hard, but it is a moment when upsetting their plans will perhaps be remembered, and it is not worth the risk of setting the relationship off on the wrong foot. See another thread about the pain of a poor relationship with DIL - don't go there! As others have said, find other ways of saying words about your lovely son, and include how happy you are to see him marrying such a lovely young woman.

Apologies for range of typos

It isn't your wedding is it?

Let them have their day as they wish it.

If you start to let petty resentments snowballm you will end up in a few years back on hear moaning that you aren't all on good terms and never see the grand children.

It isn't all about you.

I don't understand why her parents can make a speech about her and I can't say anything about my son.
Is her mother making a speech too?

If here's a toast after every speech then it could be a very merry occasion.

Wedding etiquette dictates that speeches are from father of the bride and the best man unless one of them is deceased. Why would you think that you should give a speech unless specifically asked? If it is traditional wedding then you go with the arrangements, if not then anyone requested can give a speech but it is up to the bride and groom! Too many other things to arrange without bucking against the traditions!

Have you asked your son what he thinks or is it all about what she thinks? Some women become monsters about 'my' wedding, they seem to forget that there are two of them getting married.

Thinking of all the weddings I have been to I am surprised how grown up and responsible the groom, bride, bestman etc are. I hope your son will mention you in his speech and thank you for bringing him up etc and then you can smile graciously.

Parents speeches should be about the couple and wishing them well not listing the virtues of their son or daughter. For the bride to say no makes me think maybe she is fed up with hearing you talk about your wonderful son. I see you say " settle into his new future" no it is their new future.

Yogogran I am at a loss as to how you can read 30 odd replies to your question saying YABU, don’t do this, don’t go there, this is their day not yours, and 101 other reasons for not doing this and somehow read in that “ someone said two or three sentences and that is what I had planned” as an acceptable course of action?
Read the words again if you really want an opinion, but if you have made up your mind already you will still have difficulty in finding any justification in your unilateral course of action.
Fine, so be it.