To be very annoyed at this ungrateful child?

I have a grandson who is very trying to say the least and it’s got to the point where my son and I are hardly speaking because I do tell my grandson sometimes I think his behaviour is wrong. Unfortunately todays parents won’t accept you disciplining their children even when you are looking after them or they are in your home. My grandson will tell tales to his parents and I have been sworn at and shouted at by my son. So perhaps the grandma dare not say anything in case it upsets their parents. My DH can’t stand them visiting and will disappear to another room to get away. We love our son so much and I don’t blame the kids. But it’s difficult.

His parents may have no idea he behaves this way with his Nan.
Perhaps she feels a bit out of her depth with disciplining him.

I haD this thing with my friend when her son became an intolerable brat when a toddler and she did nothing about it. In fact it seemed her unconditional approval of his every action just condoned it. Is it a form of passive aggressiveness? Do they think it is amusing that these children dare to be rude because they would like to and dare not? Or is it just that their ego is so entrenched that they believe anyone of their womb even once removed is very special and right?
I don’t know. In the end it did impact on our relationship...in fact she is an ex friend. It’s knowing when the line has been drawn and even then it is difficult because I just don’t understand such mothers or in your case grandmothers.

It's tricky isn't it when you are grandparents, not parents. But, I do think that when grandparents are in charge they have an obligation to guide their charges. So in this case his Grandma should have said something and maybe your role can be to encourage and support her to do so? Little ones do respond, even if there are slightly different approaches between parents and grandparents, they do understand what 'good behaviour' is and should be! Also gives you a good opportunity to tell your grandson how well he behaves, and he'll like that praise from you!

What a nasty little brat. The granny should be telling him off. I look after my son's GF boy (my son is the stepfather so we aren't related) twice a week, and he's actually very well-behaved, but on the odd occasion when he's been a bit rude or naughty, I tell him off and I tell the mother later

I would have taken the gift back again too. I would have told the child that my gs had chosen the gift especially for him because he thought his friend would like it and as he so plainly didn't there would never be any more gifts.
With regard to the continued friendship it would depend on how well behaved the boy was on other occasions. If he is normally okay it may well be that there was another trigger for this rudeness.

The child simply has never been taught any manners. I bet his parents have never made him say ‘thankyou’ for any gifts he’s ever had and he thinks it’s ok to act like this. He also thinks it’s ok to shout and treat his grandmother like his slave. If he’s like this at 4,what will he be like at 14? At 24? His parents should be very worried, but sadly I bet they don’t even notice.
I’d stay away and like some others have said, perhaps see her without the children. If I had to see him again, I’d secretly be loathing every minute.

What a brat. A child is never too young to be taught to say 'thank you.' Whether you consider it to be your job or not, this kid needs to be told so don't back off. Laughing it off will only reinforce this behaviour. If he carries on like this he'll have no friends at all - I expect his parents will be bewildered as to why. They must accept some of the blame if he becomes an obnoxious adult.

Just be grateful it isn’t your problem to deal with. If your grandson was upset then explain to him later that some children find it harder to be polite than others & praise him for his good manners. My youngest was a shocker in terms of no filter to what he said at that age. He could also be really quite badly behaved when overwhelmed. He’s 13 now and at his parents evening this week I was told he is incredibly polite and very respectful in how he communicates. All the teachers told me how polite he is - every single one. You would not have guessed that when he was 4.

My eldest who is 18 just drops presents he isn’t interested in (if you can get him to even open them). He is autistic - severely & non-verbal - good luck teaching him manners. On the other hand if he likes something he will show such joy and an intense reaction to the gift. Some of my friends kids are the same. I love the genuineness of the response - especially when I get a gift ‘right’. I don’t have much of an ego if I get it wrong (& would explain to any child that might be hurt by the response that he doesn’t really understand about presents and will probably have a good look at it later then make a fuss myself over the gift, so the giver isn’t upset).

Boundaries, where are they it is a cop out, a let down if they are not shown and reinforced. There is a rule of thumb - tyrant at three sociopath at thirty. Sorry but your grandson does not have to tolerate the others bad behaviour. Shame about your loss if friendship. Neither do you have to witness entitlement and aggression.

I would have said: that wasn't a kind thing to say to ......., perhaps you would like to say sorry now.

I had a similar problem years ago with a friend of my two daughters. She lived with her grandma, who brought her up from being a toddler. She was consistently rude and aggressive towards her grandma and I just snapped on day and told her she was being an ungrateful little brat and to have more respect for her grandma who didn’t deserve such treatment (amongst other things). It worked and the grandma, who was a good friend, thanked me for my intervention

Don’t think the OP can help a child when she only sees him, briefly, part of one day per week. She either puts up with it, or mentions it to the other GP and see how that is taken, if it’s ignored then she should stay away and see the lady on days that the GCs aren’t around. They seem to get on well apart from this .

Nothing wrong with the child. He simply hasn't been taught any manners. You make it sound as if he should know better. You only get to that stage if you've been brought up having manners taught in the first place. Please do not demonise the child - help him.

The gift would’ve been taken back off him pretty smartish. How rude

You should've said : no problem, we'll take your present back home because DGS likes it a lot. Bye bye now.
I know I would've said that, and then really going, after giving my friend a big hug and whispering in her ear "I'll call you this evening".
Of course intervening in the education of other people's child isn't your right, but you have the right to protect the feelings of your 4 your old DGS.

I would have said 'give it back then' a very rude child indeed, you could be doing him a favour taking a firm line.

Who cares if he has problems, he will have even more if he isn't taught some manners.

I’d point out to her how he needs some manners (in a supportive/non judge-y) manner and would actively correct him yourself when he is rude. It’s down to all adults to help raise children, not take a blind eye.

If this doesn’t help then I’d stop seeing them. You will make other friends with nicer grandchildren. He will be a bad influence on your lovely Gs else xx

I am more inclined to blame parents who think this is an acceptable way for their 4yr old to behave.

This little boy is the one who is taking the brunt of his parents lack of bothering to teach him good manners with the result he is the one shouldering negativity and name calling when it is absolutely not his fault.

The GM may well have been told not to interfere with any reprimanding. Many GPs know all too well the outcome of ‘interfering’

I know he's only 4 but surely manners should be taught from an early age?

They certainly should. I remember DDiL taking DGD to one side at about the same age and having a conversation about ‘appropriate gift responses’

I think it would be a huge help to explain what is and isn't acceptable, just for a start.

If the child had a problem it is probably undiagnosed. So many parents refuse to believe there is a problem seeing this as a kind of stigma.It is such a pity as ,once the problem is recognised,help can be given. Cleary this child needs help problem or not.

I agree with eazybee if the child has a problem an explanation could have been given.
Can't believe anyone would just accept this behaviour from a small child. If I was not allowed to discipline my grandchildren I would not be looking after them.

I would imagine an autistic child would need more help and explanations about what is polite behaviour, and so on, so - no excuse as far as I'm concerned.
Although maybe there is an issue regarding the Nan disciplining her grandson?
Perhaps its something she doesn't feel able, or isn't allowed to do?

Stay away until her little brat learns some manners or your DGS will be copying him and then you will get the blame when he acts up.
Some GMs are or seem to be unable to discipline the GCs and think that they can do no wrong.
Why not try to see the lady on the days you don’t have The children with you, if she asks why, tell her.