Cruel to be kind or AIBU?

As a mum of daughters I can understand your concern.
How many times did I hear 'don't worry I will be ok'
My only advice, which might not suit you or your daughter. is transport. If this is only a trial are you able to give your daughter a lift ?If not and to give you peace of mind it would be worth getting her a taxi. .I do not agree that confidence is a deterrent. If someone has a' motive' on observing a lone female or male alone late at night they are hardly likely to think about it first.

Ohh I would be just the same, I do feel for you. What sort of area is it, do you all know it well etc. Is there an option for a taxi from the station to home. .? Could she change work clothes for tracksuit & trainers for ease of walking etc .

I understand your worries but we can't look after our children for ever. Buy her a personal attack alarm and tell her to keep it in her hand during the walk back. Self defence classes are always a good idea too. Maybe she will make friends at the workplace and either have someone to walk with or be offered a lift? The trial is a good idea

I think we all worry about our offspring but would you do if she was away at uni? I couldn’t worry then as they were in charge of their own lives and I just had to trust to luck

Good news! Hope she gets offered the job and am sure you will sort something out.

Well, the trial went well. Daughter came away very happy with her evening. It's good to see her smile, says she should expect to hear within the next day or two whether she's offered a position. Had a chat with her (didn't want to burst her happy bubble with the whys & what ifs straight away) when we got home, basically saying that if she is offered a place that's she's not to just snap it up & jump in with both feet but tell them that she first needs to have a chat with mum & dad. And to air our concerns over her safety late at night. I'm hoping that's the best to handle it anyway.

You don't say what her hours will be. Place opens at 7pm and she will be walking through town at 10pm. Is that GOING to the job or RETURNING from it?
Does she never go to town with friends in the evenings? How has she managed up to now.
2 of my children worked and lived away from home when they were 16. As long as she is sensible and wears flat shoes when on the journey, she should be fine.
Taking an evening job has it's risks (re travel at night, especially in winter) but she must know that.

A self defence class would be good too. All our daughters/granddaughters should do this, it also promotes confidence. I taught all mine as it could be useful in so many areas in life that they will be venturing into.

How many nights a week?

If a couple, is pick her up from the station.

If more, I’d pick her up 2x a week and then taxi for remaining.

No buses at 10pm?

Hoping and trusting last evening went well for your daughter icbn2802........and that perhaps a good two way conversation has followed.
Please let us know how it all transpired for you both.

icbn2802, but I have heard that people who are confident walking on their own at night are actually safer than those who look/act cowed, so that at least is in her favour.

I second this because of what police told my parents when my teenage sister kept running away and being found walking about at night. They said she walked too purposefully to be a target. My sister was and is very small but it seems that didn't matter; it was her bearing that mattered.

I think cycling to and from the station is a good idea. If she does that, please make sure she has hi-vis clothing or markers and good lights.

Let us know how tonight goes!

At 171/2 one daughter had gone to London to work and I had no idea whether she was in or out at night My son was still living at home and working a mile away ( aged 16) but going out st night, goodness knows where Third child went travelling overseas with the then boyfriend at 17 I worried horrible about them all but that is what being a mum is about
I think it’s even worse now because we hear so many horrible things I worry a lot about my grandkids when they are out and about
Get her a rape alarm to carry in her bag suggests she uses the main road no side roads or maybe bike to the station you can take the bike on most trains
Good luck

Can you go to meet herself? That might work.

In that case ( that would be a stretch ) I too would be concerned as to how she would get home. I think a sit down together and an honest talk is called for. Sad if she is enthusiastic about the job. But you may find a solution. Good luck

Yes I agree humptydumpty. She's always been a bit of a stroller, hands in her pocket, not a care (seemingly) in the world. Where she gets it from....lord knows. Though her dad has a certain ' no one sh*ts on me ' kind of aura around him......not a bad thing at times, I guess ?

icbn2802, but I have heard that people who are confident walking on their own at night are actually safer than those who look/act cowed, so that at least is in her favour.

I'm a mum to girls (got 5 of them!) This is my no.4 daughter. I've done the anxious waiting up lates many times before. So this isn't something new to me...I'm just a bit worried by her attitude of 'I'll be alright' . Of course it's a good thing that she's feeling confident to be out and about but I feel she does also need to be aware that I am worried & that I have good reason to. The world's a scary place ?

Of course you’ll worry. However, if she’s gone for this job in the first place, she’s street savvy enough and you’ve trained her well enough for her to be ok. Whenever it is you’ll worry about her, but it’ll stand her in good stead if she goes on to Uni when you won’t be around to know if she gets home ok.

DD2 admitted to me not long ago that she knew and was on chatting terms with many of the buskers, rough sleepers and drop outs on her route back through Norwich after her evening shifts. She said if any drunk or pub leaver had stepped out of line one of them would have (and had) stood up for her. It made her feel safer.

Is she used to going into the town during the evenings? Street wise and out and about on her own or with friends?
Starting at 7 and back at 10 (if I read that right), those are not the worst times to be walking through a town unless it's particularly rough area.
I presume she is not concerned or she wouldn't of applied for the job.
Let her try it, if her job options are limited she has to do such things at some point.

I agree, it would be a very real worry, I would hate my DD doing this and would strongly advise her against it.

I can well understand your well founded anxiety icbn,surely perfectly normal at the age of your daughter and the situation our country is in these days.
I personally think you need to allow this interview,sending her off with your blessings,however a different story should she be accepted for the post.You then need to have a serious head to head with her,explaining your great fears and trying together to find some acceptable answers.
Of course the taxi home is the obvious one but costs alone may make this impossable.
However I have long learnt that usually it is wise to take things one at a time.Often answers present themselves along the way.
She needs to be accepted for this job initially before you well and truly can approach her, sharing with her all your well grounded fears.
Good luck..........and I hope it all works out for you and your DD.

My DD aged 17 had a job in a country house hotel about 10 miles from where we live, icbn.
The hotel provided transport in the form
of a minibus which collected her and delivered her back home at the end of her shift, which was sometimes an evening one.
Of course if they hadn’t done this, because of the location, they would never have got staff, but I do think employers have a duty of care and a responsibility to employees the ensure they can get to and from work safely if they are working unsocial hours.

How times change - and concerns increase mainly due to media is my belief. I came up to London from a rural community when I was 17 and had to find my way home on public transport after working shifts and in those days I have to say it didn't bother me. However I think it did bother my parents!!!!
If my GC did the same thing today I would certainly worry!!! I watch out for my GD when she comes to us after school especially when evenings are dark - and she's a teen