Gransnet forums

AIBU

How would you feel?

(52 Posts)
thuberon Thu 03-May-18 18:05:13

I had a lunch date with an old friend arranged some time ago. We don't see one another often but have a right good natter and a laugh when we do. Early the morning of the lunch my DD phoned to say her childminder had a crisis and couldn't take her 3 year old. She felt she couldn't take the day off work as she had urgent reports to fill. I said I would cancel the lunch and have the GD for the day at mine. My DD said "Oh Mum Don't cancel your lunch, just take GD with you." My question is How would you feel if a friend turned up to a lunch date with you with her 3 year old GD in tow?

Situpstraight Thu 03-May-18 18:11:54

So, did you go? Or cancel? I would have phoned my friend, explained the situation and rearranged the lunch.

I don’t think that a 3 year old would have enjoyed it either.

tanith Thu 03-May-18 18:17:23

I’d phone your friend, explain and rearrange, a 3 yr old would require too much attention and be bored so spoiling your relaxed lunch. Most friends would be understanding.

BlueBelle Thu 03-May-18 18:18:51

I would have checked with friend first and either rearranged or taken her with me whichever my friend was comfortable with

grannyactivist Thu 03-May-18 18:23:04

I would have taken my grandchild, plus the means to entertain her and explain to my friend that I was anxious not to miss seeing her. Unless you have a particularly unruly child I can't really see why it would be a problem.
I have in fact done this on a few occasions and never found it to be an issue. A couple of times I've ended up taking a grandchild into a work meeting, but always knowing that the people I was seeing would be sympathetic to the situation.

Luckygirl Thu 03-May-18 18:48:00

Depends on the 3 year old. If it had been my DGD at that age, then fine - now if it had been her wee brother!!!

SueDonim Thu 03-May-18 18:49:57

I'd take the grandchild with me, having first let the friend know, so she could cancel if she preferred. I think a 3yo would find a lunch date quite exciting, and something to amuse them can b taken with you.

LynneB59 Thu 03-May-18 18:54:56

I look after my 4yr old GS 2 days a week, but wouldn't dream of taking him to meet any friend of mine - he'd be bored and disruptive, I'd be preoccupied with his needs, and my friend and I wouldn't be able to have any proper adult conversations.

Eglantine21 Thu 03-May-18 18:58:21

It has happened to me, more than once! I hate it. There’s really no point meeting for lunch with a grandchild in tow unless the other person thinks they are as adorable as you do!

mostlyharmless Thu 03-May-18 19:08:28

It depends on the grandchild! I was only thinking today about the lovely lunches my husband and I enjoyed with my youngest gd at a riverside wine bar this time last year when she was three. She was (and still is) great company). Now she’s at school of course.

Eglantine21 Thu 03-May-18 19:29:54

And she was yours 😀

ninathenana Thu 03-May-18 20:05:42

A friend did this to me without any prior warning. We only get together about every 6 wks. and the three yr old wasn't even related to her, childs mum was a friend of her DD
I was not amused.

janeainsworth Thu 03-May-18 20:16:52

I would have taken her. All the friends I have lunch with would be welcoming to a small child.

FlorenceN Thu 03-May-18 20:44:10

I wouldn't have cared for a three year at a lunch date with a friend I don't see very often.

Iam64 Thu 03-May-18 21:41:07

I'd have checked but I'm similar to janeainsworth, all the friends I have lunch with would have been delighted to have a 3 year old join us.

annodomini Thu 03-May-18 21:51:55

As Iam says.

Eloethan Thu 03-May-18 22:10:21

I suppose it depends on the child. My granddaughter is lovely but she is very talkative and enjoys being the centre of attention. I'm not sure anybody else would get a word in edgeways.

mostlyharmless Thu 03-May-18 22:52:48

Eloethan smile

Scribbles Thu 03-May-18 23:17:46

What Eglantine said.

petra Fri 04-May-18 08:35:04

I would have taken mine at 3yrs old but not now as she has turned into Kevin the teenager at 8!!!

goldengirl Fri 04-May-18 11:01:59

No I wouldn't take a grandchild to lunch with a friend. It would spoil the whole ambience of the get together. I would explain the situation to said friend and re-arrange - unless of course the friend took hers as well!!!!
It also depends on the venue. Some places have a children's play area which could help though one's mind would no doubt be on said child!

thuberon Fri 04-May-18 16:27:52

Interesting to hear your views. As it turned out the other Grandma took over at lunchtime and so I was able to go for lunch with my friend. Both myself and my friend are heavily involved with caring for our grandchildren but we both agreed that on this occasion we would not have wanted a 3 year old, no matter how lovely, present. However, had it not been possible to arrange other childcare we agreed we would each have put our family first and cancelled.

grannyactivist Fri 04-May-18 17:25:30

I guess what this scenario demonstrates is how often some of the issues described in various threads can only be responded to with an, 'it depends', answer. smile
We, our children, our grandchildren, our partners, our wider family and our friends are all very different, and what works for one may not work for all.

thuberon Fri 04-May-18 22:23:16

So very true grannyactivist.

sunseeker Sat 05-May-18 09:07:17

I went to a long awaited lunch with a group of friends, one turned up with her grandchild without warning anyone. Although she was a lovely little girl I had been looking forward to some adult conversation - what happened was all attention was on the child, whenever a grown up conversation started she would demand attention - completely ruined the lunch for me and several others. I think you should ring your friend explain the situation and if she is still happy to meet then fine but give her the chance to rearrange